Chapter 4 Text Transcript
Chapter 4
MHE – PAGE 79
CHAPTER 4
WHAT PASSES FOR PROFESSIONAL
MHE – PAGE 80
Phineas:
Open the doooor!
Jocasta:
Hold your goddamn horses!
…
That hair gets stupider every time I see it, I swear to god.
Phineas:
Dunno why you bother locking it.
No one else is gonna walk all the way out here to see you.
…Looks like Gideon’s flowers are dying.
Jocasta:
Ha! Good!
MHE – PAGE 81
Jocasta:
If Gideon wants his stupid garden kept up he can drag his sorry ass back here and do it himself.
I didn’t sign up to be no babysitter.
You didn’t come out here to talk to me about gardening, did you?
Cause I got better stuff to do than waste time on you, twerp.
CARD:
JOCASTA HUBRIS
Hermit
Retired, or something
Phineas:
Uh..
Jocasta:
You’re thinkin of leaving, right?
Phineas:
Y-yeah! How did you know?
MHE – PAGE 82
Jocasta:
You’re a commander now, you can’t hide things so easy anymore.
Specially from me.
Better get used to that real quick.
Phineas:
Ha ha, I guess I should.
But uh. Yeah. You’re right.
Jocasta:
So you decided how you’re gonna get there?
Phineas:
I wanna fly!
Jocasta:
Pfft. It’d be easier to sail.
The Crossing ain’t no pleasure cruise you know, you need any advantage you can get.
Phineas:
Yeah but we’ll see more in a starstone ship!
Me and my friends, once I find em.
Jocasta:
…Friends huh?
Phineas:
Yeah, it’s no fun by myself so that’s where I’ll start.
Jocasta:
Mmm…
And how are you and anyone dumb enough to travel with you gonna GET a starstone ship?
Phineas:
Uh..
That’s what I was going to task you about.
MHE – PAGE 83
Jocasta:
I don’t know about a ship, but I know where you might can get the stone.
(Kinda outta the way though…)
…of it!
Stupid kid. Just don’t expect me to come clean up your mess when shit goes south.
Gimme a call sometime, if you don’t die.
Phineas:
Yeah sure.
Jocasta:
I’ll tell Gideon what you’re up to, if he ever shows his face around here.
And if YOU run into him…
Tell him I’m…still trying.
Oh and uh. Here. One more thing.
Oughta take a coat with you.
MHE – PAGE 84
Phineas:
Jo didn’t mention anything about all this going on.
What a pain. This is gonna take way longer now.
Ugh, now where am I?
Ulrich:
Aren’t you perceptive?
People usually don’t see me until I want them to.
Phineas:
Hey can you see a lot up there? Which road goes back out of town?
MHE – PAGE 85
Ulrich:
I must admit I’m impressed!
You’re a lot scrawnier than most of Hazard’s recruits, I’m amazed they let you join at all.
Phineas:
Wait, this?
I’m not
Ulrich:
Doesn’t matter whose colors you wear,
It’s dangerous to walk alone at night.
Phineas:
Mo..ney?
Ulrich:
Anybody at all could get the drop on you.
MHE – PAGE 86
Phineas:
Agh what?!
Flowers??
Aww come one! I just ate dinner!
I don’t wanna fight!
Ulrich:
Ragamuffins fight, sunshine.
This is a performance!
Phineas:
Oh crap.
Hey look! You WAAH!
MHE – PAGE 87
Phineas:
You think you can beat me with magic tricks?!
(really cool ones…)
Ulrich:
Yes actually, I’m fairly sure I can.
Phineas:
Wh…
Ulrich:
Ah, right on cue!
Feeling a little out of sorts?
Could be a pollen allergy, should get checked out ~
Phineas:
Oooh I’m gonna beat your ass.
MHE – PAGE 88
Ulrich:
Come on now commander.
Not tired already?
MHE – PAGE 89
Phineas:
Gotcha!
MHE – PAGE 90
Phineas:
(he’s not there…)
(then…)
Ulrich:
Ahem.
Gotcha.
MHE – PAGE 91
Ulrich:
…eh
Jocasta:
Uh, Phineas…?
I gotta tell you, as a concerned… whatever you’d call me.
I don’t care about you going out and doing this, but you need to…you need to be careful.
You gotta understand there aren’t many good folks where you’re going. I know you want to..you think everyone’s a good person but it’s…they’re not.
Ulrich:
Shit.
Jocasta:
You’ve got something to offer and peopl’re gonna try and take advantage of it. You can’t risk-
Phineas:
Oh come on Jocasta! I’m not a little kid.
Jocasta:
I know, you were more reasonable then.
Phineas:
Aw relax, Jo.
MHE – PAGE 92
Phineas:
You and Gideon found each other, and then you found me too! Riiiight?
Jocasta:
Ugh yeah but that was
Phineas:
Everything’s gonna be fine!
My friends will shine brighter than anybody.
I’ll know them when we meet, I’m sure of it!
MHE – PAGE 93
Ulrich:
Okay! Okay okay hang on.
I give! Forfeit!
I’m surrendering!
You’re threatening a…
Oh.
Er, thank you.
…
You know, I think I swallowed my gum.
MHE – PAGE 94
Phineas:
Wha-
Ulrich:
Sorry?
Phineas:
Ngh..
All that
And you didn’t plan on me getting up here?
Ulrich:
Obviously I did! I just…didn’t think you’d get back up.
Phineas:
That was dumb.
Ulrich:
It was not! Clearly you’re some kind of freak.
You just inhaled enough lotus powder to drop an elephant, you shouldn’t even be conscious.
Phineas:
You can’t poison a commander, stupid.
Ulrich:
Whaat! How does that work!
Phineas:
Ooh.
A club? Like a playing card?
Ulrich:
Uh you’re…bleeding, a lot.
Phineas:
Oh, yup.
MHE – PAGE 95
Phineas:
If you would have let me FINISH-
I won this earlier, I’m not with Hazard.
Ulrich:
Eh, I know. You’re way too competent to be one of his.
Phineas:
Then why didn’t you stop??
Ulrich:
Why didn’t you run away?
Phineas:
I like you.
Ulrich:
It’s been a minute since I had anyone fun to play with.
All these cowards do is hide behind their guns. It’s embarrassing.
Phineas:
Cowards who hide behind their guns?
So what does that make you?
Ulrich:
I am
A professional
CARD:
ULRICH WEISS
Professional
An ego defying description
MHE – PAGE 96
Phineas:
Coward or gunman?
Ulrich:
If you’re not working with anyone, what are you doing out here so late?
Phineas:
What? No no YOU’RE the one who jumped ME.
You first!
Ulrich:
I don’t actually care that much.
Goodbye.
Phineas:
Ah no! What! No!
Hey come on! Don’t be like that, I was just messing around!
I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to upset y-
MHE – PAGE 97
Ulrich:
Think that trick of yours works at this range?
Phineas:
Jeez you’re wound up tight.
Ulrich:
I don’t think we’re quite understanding each other.
My particularly generous mood is the only thing that’s let you live this long.
It was pity, not an invitation. Get it?
If you at all value your
Phineas:
Stop!
Stop. okay? It’s okay.
We’re on the same side, right? Aren’t we?
Would you be more comfortable if we went back to wherever you’re-
A-!
Ulrich:
Shut up! What are you talking about?
I just tried to kill you!
Why are you still here?!
Phineas:
You weren’t trying to kill me though.
Ulrich:
THERE IS LITERALLY STILL A GUN IN YOUR FACE.
Phineas:
So shoot.
MHE – PAGE 98
Phineas:
See?
If you wanted me dead you wouldn’t have shot me in the shoulder.
Ulrich:
I missed.
It won’t happen twice.
Phineas:
Come on! I’m not buying it friend!
You already chickened out! I don’t think a guy running around with fancy monogrammed bullets misses his target often.
Can we please skip this whole mysterious vigilante thing and talk like normal people? I have stuff I want to talk about too.
You wanted something from me, huh? It’s alright, I don’t mind.
I want to help but you gotta tell me how first. Okay?
…okay?
Ulrich:
…they’re not monogrammed, you idiot.
Phineas:
Whatever!
MHE – PAGE 99
Ulrich:
Incredible. I can’t believe this is happening AGAIN.
Phineas:
Does that mean I get to come along?
Ulrich:
If I said no you’d just follow me wouldn’t you??
Come on.