MHE – Full Transcript
Mile High Engage
Complete Text Transcript
Statistics:
Wordcount: 42,475
Pagecount (text): 251
Pagecount (comic): 440
Runtime: July 2013 – June 2017
Transcript begins:
MHE – PAGE 1
(No dialogue)
MHE – PAGE 2
Jocasta:
People say roosters crow at dawn, but that’s bullshit.
Roosters crow when they want to show off how good things are.
Roosters BITCH at dawn because they are FURIOUS.
He’s pissed at the sun for daring to touch what is HIS.
HIS LAND.
HIS SUBJECTS.
Bar patron:
Woah woah, hey. Chill, man.
Jocasta:
He demands respect, waking early and screeching at the enemy every day.
The sun never seems to notice.
MHE – PAGE 3
Jocasta:
Likely, it just doesn’t give a damn.
MHE – PAGE 4
Phineas:
What’d you hit you crazy old man?
Crazy Old Man:
Hey don’t move around so much!
If ya fall out I’m not stoppin’!
MHE – PAGE 5
(No dialogue)
MHE – PAGE 6
Phineas:
Dude dude! Hey!
Did you-
Crazy Old Man:
Quit tearin’ around in there!
Phineas:
Ha ha sorry
Crazy Old Man:
What do you need?
Phineas:
Did you see that thing over there? What is it?
Crazy Old Man:
Ain’t a thing, it’s a HE.
That’s Careful Pete.
MHE – PAGE 7
Crazy Old Man:
He’s been here as long as the desert, probably. Used to be lots a bigguns like him.
He’s all that’s left. Done outlived all his friends, poor sunnabitch finds hisself exiled innis own home.
He wanders now. Lookin for happiness, folks figure.
Phineas:
Huh.
Well that’s a huge bummer.
Crazy Old Man:
Nothin’ I’m inclined to feel sad about.
Everybody gotta get old some time or another.
MHE – PAGE 8
Crazy Old Man:
It’s best if I let you out here. I ran into some trouble earlier.
I go into town now I’ll just lose what I got left at Sergei’s.
Phineas:
It’s fine! Thanks for taking me this far.
Crazy Old Man:
Last chance to just pass’er by. I wasn’t kiddin’ when I said this is a rough place.
Phineas:
Don’t worry, it’ll probably be okay!
Crazy Old Man:
Hmph.
Suit yourself.
MHE – PAGE 9
Crazy Old Man:
Take care’a yerself girlie!
Phineas:
Thaanks!
See yaaaa!
What a weird guy!
MHE – PAGE 10
Phineas:
~bunniesss~
Aww, hee hee.
Where’d your ear go buddy?
Half-Ear Bunny:
There’s a target on your back.
MHE – PAGE 11
Phineas:
. . . Oh! I get that a lot, ha ha.
It’s actually
Half-Ear Bunny:
(SHH!)
Look, we feel sorry for you. Take this.
Be good.
Phineas:
I don’t. . .
It’s a stick?
MHE – PAGE 12
Phineas:
It’s getting Chilly out here.
Title:
MILE HIGH ENGAGE
MHE – PAGE 13
CHAPTER 1
MIXED SIGNALS
MHE – PAGE 14
(No dialogue)
MHE – PAGE 15
Phineas:
This blows.
The desert is literally the worst place.
Smells like…
CONFLICT AND BEER
MHE – PAGE 16
Phineas:
Aww there’s nothing cool goin’ on in here
(man)
Ellie:
Oh hello hello!
Go ahead and sit, I’ll be right out!
MHE – PAGE 17
Ellie:
You were lookin awfully thirsty.
CARD:
ELLIE
Waitress
A nice lady.
Phineas:
Thank you so much.
Ellie:
Oh my. . .
MHE – PAGE 18
Ellie:
I guess I’ll get you some more then!
Would you like something to eat?
Phineas:
Eeh heh
I don’t actually have any money~
But I’d be happy to do some work or something if you guys were okay with it.
Ellie:
Well…
Ray:
(Oi Ellie!)
How about some tlc for your favorite customers, huh?
MHE – PAGE 19
Phineas:
Go on! I’m in no hurry.
Ellie:
S-sorry..
Coming!
Ray:
I was getting lonely over here gorgeous!
XXXEllieXXX
Heh heh…
MHE – PAGE 20
CARD:
EISSE
Fashionista
Too cool for school
Ray:
Eyyy there’s my girl!
CARD:
RAY
Wannabe
A little drunk
Ray:
Would you mind pouring me another, doll?
Ellie:
Yeah o
OH!
Ray:
Aw com’ere you!
You’re a peach Elle.
I mean that, truly.
Ellie:
Thank. You.
MHE – PAGE 21
Ellie:
Sorry about the wait! Here’s your water.
Phineas:
Oh, thanks.
Hey uh, do you know what this thing is?
Ellie:
Oh! Um, hmm.
Where did you find it?
Phineas:
Some rabbits gave it to me.
Ellie:
Oh you ran into some rabbits!
They’re kind of like local celebrities.
There’s stories get passed around here that the rabbits born in these hills can tell the future.
Some people think the junk they give out is lucky, but others think it’s a bad omen.
Like there’s bad things in your future and they’re trying to help.
MHE – PAGE 22
Phineas:
That’s so weird!
Ellie:
Pretty silly huh?
Phineas:
No no no! It’s great!
Ellie:
Don’t buy it much myself, I think they just like to cause trouble.
One brought me this a couple nights ago.
Found me while I was emptying the garbage at closing time.
Phineas:
Ooooh~
Ellie:
It’s strange, they usually don’t come out that late.
Phineas:
They put a little face on it!
Ellie:
Mmhmm. I have no idea what it goes to, I hope no one’s missing it.
MHE – PAGE 23
Ellie:
I’m sorry I can’t help, that could be anything they gave you.
Phineas:
Eh, I’ll figure it out.
Ray:
You know.
Ellie:
Ah!
Hey!
Ray:
We’re gonna need some more drinks here too pretty soon.
Maybe you should just stay close until I need you.
MHE – PAGE 24
Roy:
Wah-!
Huh?
Ellie:
OH NO!
Ray:
Uugh..
MHE – PAGE 25
Ray:
YOU
YOU MESSED UP MY FACE!
Ellie:
Ow!
Ray:
LOOK AT ME.
Ellie:
Please! I’m sorry!
Ray:
Not YET you’re no-
Phineas:
Ha ha oh my god! The sound the
Tray made whe- when it
MHE – PAGE 26
Ray:
Wh-
You can’t talk to me-
Can’t
YOU CAN’T
Ellie:
MOVE!
Roy:
Hey hey!
Ray:
Shut up!
Stay outta the way!
MHE – PAGE 27
Ray:
Ha ha ha ha!
That’s what I THOUGHT.
Not so big now are you? You listening back there?
This bandanna means I’m better than you.
I’m the boss!
Now you just stay back there and I’ll deal-
Phineas:
(ELLE!)
Here’s the deal.
I take out your trash, you give me food.
Sunflower seeds if you got em.
Ray:
Hey what-
Phineas:
Oh just shut up already! God!
No one’s talking to you! Mister ~boss man~
MHE – PAGE 28
Ray:
You just don’t know when to shut your goddamn mouth do you?!
You cocky bitch!
That little table ain’t gonna do shit against-
Ellie:
Daddy!
Sergei:
YOU. . .
MHE – PAGE 29
Sergei:
YOU WILL LEAVE.
CARD:
Sergei
Bar owner
DISPLEASE
Roy:
Come on, Ray
It’s not worth it.
Ray:
Tch
Dunno what you’re tryin’ to prove, old man.
You know we could burn this whole place down’n not a damn thing you could do about it.
MHE – PAGE 30
Roy:
Dude let’s just get out of here.
Eisse:
Yes, let’s.
Come on, boys.
I’m ready to go home.
Ray & Roy:
. . .
MHE – PAGE 31
CHAPTER 2
COMMANDER
MHE – PAGE 32
Ray:
Crazy bitch, she’s’ lucky someone like me even gives her a second glance.
Roy:
Looks like your face is starting to swell dude.
Man, she popped you a good one.
Ray:
Let’s just get back, alright?
Eisse:
Hmm hmm~
You ought to cool that hot head of yours, Raymond.
One of these days it’s gonna-
MHE – PAGE 33
Phineas:
You guys are acting WAAAY too cool after what you just pulled.
If anyone here’s a bitch it’s you!
MHE – PAGE 34
Ulrich:
. . .
Phineas:
You can’t just wave a gun around and expect to walk off without a fight.
You’re acting like bigshots, but that’s amateur crap if I’ve ever seen it.
Not to mention you guys are gonna buy me my dinner.
And frankly,
I really don’t like you.
CARD:
PHINEAS KIDD
Commander
Likes targets???
Phineas:
Nah. You’re not going anywhere
MHE – PAGE 35
Ray:
Oh my GOD
PLEASE can I JUST-!
Roy:
Hang on
Eisse:
Yeah, go for it.
Don’t hold back, I want it done fast.
Ray:
NO PROBLEM!
Roy:
Wait stop
MHE – PAGE 36
(No dialogue)
MHE – PAGE 37
Phineas:
Try again.
Roy:
It’s…
I know what this is.
Eisse:
Take her out.
Phineas:
Come on!
Ray:
Get that smirk off your face!
MHE – PAGE 38
Ray:
Wh-
Phineas:
Are you stupid? Pay attention!
MHE – PAGE 39
Phineas:
Pfft. That wasn’t so tough.
AAAA
MHE – PAGE 40
Phineas & Roy:
Huh
Phineas:
!
You too?
Ray:
H-heh heh
Phineas:
Wh-!
MHE – PAGE 41
Roy:
You okay?
Ray:
Yeah man, you get her?
CARD:
Roy
Bodyguard
Good with a bat.
Roy:
I doubt it.
I hope you’re happy, you dumbass.
MHE – PAGE 42
Ray:
What? How is this MY fault??
Roy:
It’s completely your fault! God you’re such a shit!
Ulrich:
Tch.
Come on now, little bear.
Ray:
And what do you mean ‘doubt’? You knocked her fucking head off!
Roy:
Just listen to me! She’s not-
Ray & Roy:
Shit!
MHE – PAGE 43
Ray:
WHAT the FUCK?!
Roy:
You are such a dick.
MHE – PAGE 44
Ray:
COUGHdammit!COUGH
Eisse:
I can’t imagine how embarrassing this must be for you
Ray:
Shut up!
Eisse:
You’re not getting anywhere trying to hit her like that. She’ll bounce back every time.
You’re just wearing yourselves out.
Ray:
Whose side are you on anyway?
Well then-!
MHE – PAGE 45
Ray:
Catch THIS!
Ha ha!
What’s the problem?
You’ll take a bullet but you’re scared of a little pocketknife?
What a bunch of horseshit!
MHE – PAGE 46
Ray:
Ha! I’ve got-
Phineas:
I’m about sick of you!
MHE – PAGE 47
Roy:
. . .!
Damn it!
You’re…
MHE – PAGE 48
Roy:
You’re light!
MHE – PAGE 49
Phineas:
…
And you?
Eisse:
Hmm hmm
You’re not worth ruining my outfit.
I figured out your little party trick. I have to say I’m disappointed
It’s not as impressive as they say.
Phineas:
Impressive?
Eisse:
Or maybe you’re just not very good at it.
MHE – PAGE 50
Eisse:
Hey! Don’t ignore me!
Phineas:
If you don’t wanna fight me then we’re done talking.
I just want my dinner.
Eisse:
But…
Phineas:
Down boy.
Ray:
Agh! What are you
Phineas:
Hey Ellie!
I’m all done out here!
Ray:
Get off me!
MHE – PAGE 51
Phineas:
Ellie!
It’s ok now! Come out herre a sec.
Ellie:
Um…
Phineas:
Okay! Now that we’ve all had a chance to cool off
I think someone owes our pretty waitress an apology.
Ray:
Oh I am gonna beat you so baaAA-AH
I’m soRRY I’M SORRY! I apologize!
MHE – PAGE 52
Ellie:
Ah!
It’s um, it’s fine.
Mostly…
Phineas:
Cool!
Ray:
Ugh what are you doing now? Get off me!
Phineas:
I’m taking your bandanna.
Ray:
Wait what?! No you can’t!
Phineas:
Quit squirming or your hair will get caught.
You said this means you’re in charge, right?
Well I don’t think you deserve the position.
And since I won the fight that you started…
It’s mine now.
MHE – PAGE 53
Phineas:
Anyway! Now that that’s all done..
How ‘bout something to eat?
You guys got a menu or something?
Ellie:
Actually… um…
You better just come on inside
Phineas:
Oh, here!
I found your lucky charm when I reached in my pocket.
Sorry, you can have it back now.
MHE – PAGE 54
Ellie:
Know what? You hang onto it.
I get the feeling you should keep it for a while.
Phineas:
Yeah?
How come?
Ellie:
I dunno.
Call it a hunch.
Phineas:
Man I’m getting all kinds of presents today!
Eh heh heh~
Ulrich:
Hmmm…
This makes things a little trickier.
…That’s good though.
XXXEisseXXX:
Get up you useless ass!
XXXRayXXX:
You too!
MHE – PAGE 55
Ulrich:
If I’m patient, and very lucky-
-which I am-
I might get out of here with twice as much as I came for!
MHE – PAGE 56
CHAPTER 3
HAZARDOUS
MHE – PAGE 57
Ellie:
We’re back!
Me and…
Um
Phineas:
Phineas
Ellie:
Phineas!
That’s weird. He must have gone to bed already.
I guess he figured you could take care of things okay.
He made your meal as soon as you went outside, you should-
MHE – PAGE 58
Ellie:
No go ahead! You’re okay.
\I’m just gonna get myself a drink.
I guess you’d work up a good appetite jumping around like that huh?
And, uh. Glowing.
… um
Sorry
…You’re a commander, aren’t you?
Phineas:
Sure am!
Probably the best one you’ll ever meet!
Ellie:
It’s really amazing! I’ve never…seen it done in person.
Just heard stories, you know.
You, um. I had no idea when you walked in.
Phineas:
It’s cause I’m little huh?
MHE – PAGE 59
Ellie:
But dad knew, I think.
I never met him but I guess dad had a brother who claimed to be…
Like you.
Sergei:
Ellie:
Sergei:
abominations. She can only bring trouble.>
Phineas:
{you HAD an}
{who was a commander}
{have really suck}
{he was a good}
{would have been}
{to just kill him off}
{what a giant}
Ellie:
Hmm?
Phineas:
Said he must not have been a very good one, then.
Commanders don’t tend to just disappear.
Ellie:
Oh, I guess he’s still around.
Mama doesn’t like to talk about him so we…
Um
I’m sorry, it’s been a long day and I just
Phineas:
How bout you start by telling me why I had to beat the hell out of those guys?
MHE – PAGE 60
Phineas:
Why do you let them treat you like that?!
Why does your dad let them treat you like that?
Ellie:
Wh-
You don’t understand!
It’s complicated!
Phineas:
That’s a bunch of crap.
Nothing’s that complicated.
You think so too, or you wouldn’t have fought back.
But that fight’s not gonna do any good if you kiss his ass tomorrow.
Ellie:
You act like I’ve got a choice.
Phineas:
You always have a choice.
Tell me how I can help you.
Ellie:
I’m not even sure where would be best to start from.
There’s…a lot to tell.
Phineas:
I’ve got time.
MHE – PAGE 61
Ellie:
This town never really warranted a real name.
It was hardly even a town at first, just a few warehouses and shelters for miners to sleep in.
Folks just always called it Last Chance, since it’s the only piece of civilization out here.
Then one of the miners struck starstone,
And things started changing real quick.
MHE – PAGE 62
Ellie:
We grew real fast once the news got out.
All sorts of folks started coming out to try and stake a claim.
The town got so big so quick, everyone was kind of in shock.
I guess it makes sense, everyone wanted a piece before it disappeared.
We use starstone so much I think we forget how valuable it actually is.
Well, some time passed and there didn’t seem to be an end to the supply.
They stopped harvesting and focused on figuring out just how big this thing was.
MHE – PAGE 63
Ellie:
That was when we learned our little deposit was…fairly bigger than we’d originally thought.
MHE – PAGE 64
Ellie:
Things were pretty great after that! We turned into a sort of roadside attraction.
Tourists came through all the time.
Scientists and artisans came out to study or trade, you could buy almost anything in our marketplace.
The best thing by far was our radio tower
Um do you know wha
Phineas:
Oh hey!
I’ve seen those!
MHE – PAGE 65
Ellie:
I’m sure you have! Our radios were our most popular item, no contest.
One of the younger artists who moved in was a real magician with them. He didn’t talk much but he was very kind.
He even designed the big tower outside to tap into the biggest stone without having to dig it out!
The effects of a starstone that huge are really something. Our water cycle sped up and we were even able to cultivate some greenery.
Un, you know. Besides cacti.
And since starstones communicate with other ones in the are, everyones’ devices were powered up!
MHE – PAGE 66
Ellie:
Everyone used the radios, but they were especially popular with the mining families.
Starstone waves travel easily through any material, so miners could talk with people up on the surface even from way way down under the ground.
Phineas:
Wow that’s so cool! I thought the tower was just a stand for the island on top.
It doesn’t even look like a radio tower
Ellie:
I know it.
The radiosmith took off right before Hazard showed up, I…I guess I’m glad.
I’d hate for him to see what his work is being used for.
Phineas:
Hazard?
MHE – PAGE 67
(No dialogue)
MHE – PAGE 68
Ellie:
…It was over before anyone really knew what was happening.
MHE – PAGE 69
Ellie:
It was originally just Hazard and his daughter, but between the two they managed to take over the whole mining operation.
And the workers with it.
That’s probably the worst of it; most of his gang’s made up of our own people.
Anyone who defected to his side wouldn’t have to work like the rest.
Some…went more willingly than others.
Everyone else who didn’t manage to escape was rounded up and sent underground. Last Chance basically turned into a ghost town overnight.
N..none of the workers have been outside the mines since he settled in. He left the rest of us up here as collateral.
MHE – PAGE 70
Phineas:
…Oh, your mom’s down there isn’t she?
That’s why you wouldn’t do anything.
Ellie:
That’s right
Phineas:
Wait wait!
No!
You’re telling me this ONE GUY can come up in here and take over this whole place full of big strong miners?
What’s the deal! You guys just let him?
Ellie:
…Please keep your voice down.
A few of the more hotheaded young men tried going after him soon after he got here.
They couldn’t even get close,
Strength had nothing to do with it.
MHE – PAGE 71
Ellie:
I’ve never seen him use his powers myself but. He did come into the shop one day.
He has this…overwhelming presence?
Phineas:
What?
A presence? Like how?
What does it feel like?
Ellie:
O-oh!
Um, well, like…
I need..air?
And looking..up?
From under something heavy.
Um, sorry I don’t really
Phineas:
So,
It’s like you’re drowning?
It’s not-
It’s water, right?
Ellie:
Y-yeah, exactly! Have you seen this before?
MHE – PAGE 72
Phineas:
Nope! Continue!
Ellie:
Guess there’s not much else to tell.
Most of us are just trying to keep them happy and hope they let everyone go after Hazard gets what he wants.
Phineas:
Hazard ain’t gonna leave.
That’s a dumb plan.
Ellie:
…Well what would you suggest?
Phineas:
For you I dunno! My usual policy is to beat ‘em up.
But I guess I kind of messed things up for you by doing that just now huh?
Ellie:
No, we were in trouble as soon as I hit him myself.
Ray’s been-
Do you want another bowl for those?
Phineas:
No I’m good.
MHE – PAGE 73
Ellie:
Ray’s been causing trouble around here since way before any of this Hazard business.
No I-I shouldn’t have provoked him. I’m the one who started this.
Phineas:
No! Quit that!
THEY’RE the ones who showed up and started
Ellie:
GOD would you STOP YELLING AT ME?!
What’s wrong with you?!
None of that matters! Either way Mama’s still gone
Phineas:
Nah.
Ellie:
What do you mean nah?
Phineas:
I mean nah. Hazard sounds like a jerk so I’ve decided it’s time for him to leave.
Ellie:
You DECIDED??
MHE – PAGE 74
Ellie:
Ugh Phineas you can’t just…
He’ll kill you! You can’t die for a bunch of people you don’t even know!
Phineas:
Well yeah, course not.
I won’t die. I’ve fought way tougher guys than this one probably.
And anyway, I do have my own reasons for coming here you know.
I can’t get my own stuff done with all this other crap going on.
Ellie:
I knew I should have thrown you out.
Phineas:
I gotta deal with him either way, so helping you guys is like a bonus.
Don’t worry about it!
(Did that help was that reassuring at all)
(I’ve been working on it)
Ellie:
Phineas, please.
You’ll…you’re just going to make things worse.
MHE – PAGE 75
Phineas:
Aw come one, no I won’t. Please don’t cry anymore Ellie.
I promise everything’s gonna be fine.
…What?
Ellie:
You’re a bad liar, Phineas.
He’s…you and Hazard are the same aren’t you?
I can feel it. S…something on your back?
…I’m right aren’t I?
Phineas:
(My back, huh?)
Ellie:
You both have this, this whatever it is.
It makes my skin crawl.
If he’s like drowning,
Then you’re blinding
MHE – PAGE 76
Phineas:
…Look. Don’t be scared of me Ellie.
Me and this guy are nothing alike.
Ellie:
You have him pretty well figured out for someone you’ve never met.
How am I supposed to trust anything you say?
All you’ve done since you got here is fight. I wouldn’t exactly call your behavior upstanding.
Phineas:
UGH
You wanna do this?
Ok, first? I know for a fact me and Hazard are different
Because I would never ever let someone like Ray on my team. Ever.
Second,
I’ve never been called upstanding once in my whole entire life.
Definitely not by me.
I’m not some good samaritan.
I just like you is all. You’ve been nice to me.
MHE – PAGE 77
Phineas:
I get it though.
If that’s not good enough I’m sorry.
Things will turn out the same whether you believe me or not, but if it makes you feel safer I won’t bother you again.
No hard feelings. Thanks for the food.
Ellie:
Um! Phineas!
You’re really rude and kinda freak me out but I d-don’t think you’re a bad person!
Thanks for your help and um. Please let me know if…if I can do anything.
Phineas:
You can probably figure that on your own right?
Ellie:
Eh heh heh…
Phineas:
…You can relax, Elle.
Ellie:
Baby steps.
MHE – PAGE 78
Ellie:
Don’t-don’t be a stranger okay?
Phineas:
See you Elle.
Ellie:
What a mess.
MHE – PAGE 79
CHAPTER 4
WHAT PASSES FOR PROFESSIONAL
MHE – PAGE 80
Phineas:
Open the doooor!
Jocasta:
Hold your goddamn horses!
…
That hair gets stupider every time I see it, I swear to god.
Phineas:
Dunno why you bother locking it.
No one else is gonna walk all the way out here to see you.
…Looks like Gideon’s flowers are dying.
Jocasta:
Ha! Good!
MHE – PAGE 81
Jocasta:
If Gideon wants his stupid garden kept up he can drag his sorry ass back here and do it himself.
I didn’t sign up to be no babysitter.
You didn’t come out here to talk to me about gardening, did you?
Cause I got better stuff to do than waste time on you, twerp.
CARD:
JOCASTA HUBRIS
Hermit
Retired, or something
Phineas:
Uh..
Jocasta:
You’re thinkin of leaving, right?
Phineas:
Y-yeah! How did you know?
MHE – PAGE 82
Jocasta:
You’re a commander now, you can’t hide things so easy anymore.
Specially from me.
Better get used to that real quick.
Phineas:
Ha ha, I guess I should.
But uh. Yeah. You’re right.
Jocasta:
So you decided how you’re gonna get there?
Phineas:
I wanna fly!
Jocasta:
Pfft. It’d be easier to sail.
The Crossing ain’t no pleasure cruise you know, you need any advantage you can get.
Phineas:
Yeah but we’ll see more in a starstone ship!
Me and my friends, once I find em.
Jocasta:
…Friends huh?
Phineas:
Yeah, it’s no fun by myself so that’s where I’ll start.
Jocasta:
Mmm…
And how are you and anyone dumb enough to travel with you gonna GET a starstone ship?
Phineas:
Uh..
That’s what I was going to task you about.
MHE – PAGE 83
Jocasta:
I don’t know about a ship, but I know where you might can get the stone.
(Kinda outta the way though…)
…of it!
Stupid kid. Just don’t expect me to come clean up your mess when shit goes south.
Gimme a call sometime, if you don’t die.
Phineas:
Yeah sure.
Jocasta:
I’ll tell Gideon what you’re up to, if he ever shows his face around here.
And if YOU run into him…
Tell him I’m…still trying.
Oh and uh. Here. One more thing.
Oughta take a coat with you.
MHE – PAGE 84
Phineas:
Jo didn’t mention anything about all this going on.
What a pain. This is gonna take way longer now.
Ugh, now where am I?
Ulrich:
Aren’t you perceptive?
People usually don’t see me until I want them to.
Phineas:
Hey can you see a lot up there? Which road goes back out of town?
MHE – PAGE 85
Ulrich:
I must admit I’m impressed!
You’re a lot scrawnier than most of Hazard’s recruits, I’m amazed they let you join at all.
Phineas:
Wait, this?
I’m not
Ulrich:
Doesn’t matter whose colors you wear,
It’s dangerous to walk alone at night.
Phineas:
Mo..ney?
Ulrich:
Anybody at all could get the drop on you.
MHE – PAGE 86
Phineas:
Agh what?!
Flowers??
Aww come one! I just ate dinner!
I don’t wanna fight!
Ulrich:
Ragamuffins fight, sunshine.
This is a performance!
Phineas:
Oh crap.
Hey look! You WAAH!
MHE – PAGE 87
Phineas:
You think you can beat me with magic tricks?!
(really cool ones…)
Ulrich:
Yes actually, I’m fairly sure I can.
Phineas:
Wh…
Ulrich:
Ah, right on cue!
Feeling a little out of sorts?
Could be a pollen allergy, should get checked out ~
Phineas:
Oooh I’m gonna beat your ass.
MHE – PAGE 88
Ulrich:
Come on now commander.
Not tired already?
MHE – PAGE 89
Phineas:
Gotcha!
MHE – PAGE 90
Phineas:
(he’s not there…)
(then…)
Ulrich:
Ahem.
Gotcha.
MHE – PAGE 91
Ulrich:
…eh
Jocasta:
Uh, Phineas…?
I gotta tell you, as a concerned… whatever you’d call me.
I don’t care about you going out and doing this, but you need to…you need to be careful.
You gotta understand there aren’t many good folks where you’re going. I know you want to..you think everyone’s a good person but it’s…they’re not.
Ulrich:
Shit.
Jocasta:
You’ve got something to offer and peopl’re gonna try and take advantage of it. You can’t risk-
Phineas:
Oh come on Jocasta! I’m not a little kid.
Jocasta:
I know, you were more reasonable then.
Phineas:
Aw relax, Jo.
MHE – PAGE 92
Phineas:
You and Gideon found each other, and then you found me too! Riiiight?
Jocasta:
Ugh yeah but that was
Phineas:
Everything’s gonna be fine!
My friends will shine brighter than anybody.
I’ll know them when we meet, I’m sure of it!
MHE – PAGE 93
Ulrich:
Okay! Okay okay hang on.
I give! Forfeit!
I’m surrendering!
You’re threatening a…
Oh.
Er, thank you.
…
You know, I think I swallowed my gum.
MHE – PAGE 94
Phineas:
Wha-
Ulrich:
Sorry?
Phineas:
Ngh..
All that
And you didn’t plan on me getting up here?
Ulrich:
Obviously I did! I just…didn’t think you’d get back up.
Phineas:
That was dumb.
Ulrich:
It was not! Clearly you’re some kind of freak.
You just inhaled enough lotus powder to drop an elephant, you shouldn’t even be conscious.
Phineas:
You can’t poison a commander, stupid.
Ulrich:
Whaat! How does that work!
Phineas:
Ooh.
A club? Like a playing card?
Ulrich:
Uh you’re…bleeding, a lot.
Phineas:
Oh, yup.
MHE – PAGE 95
Phineas:
If you would have let me FINISH-
I won this earlier, I’m not with Hazard.
Ulrich:
Eh, I know. You’re way too competent to be one of his.
Phineas:
Then why didn’t you stop??
Ulrich:
Why didn’t you run away?
Phineas:
I like you.
Ulrich:
It’s been a minute since I had anyone fun to play with.
All these cowards do is hide behind their guns. It’s embarrassing.
Phineas:
Cowards who hide behind their guns?
So what does that make you?
Ulrich:
I am
A professional
CARD:
ULRICH WEISS
Professional
An ego defying description
MHE – PAGE 96
Phineas:
Coward or gunman?
Ulrich:
If you’re not working with anyone, what are you doing out here so late?
Phineas:
What? No no YOU’RE the one who jumped ME.
You first!
Ulrich:
I don’t actually care that much.
Goodbye.
Phineas:
Ah no! What! No!
Hey come on! Don’t be like that, I was just messing around!
I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to upset y-
MHE – PAGE 97
Ulrich:
Think that trick of yours works at this range?
Phineas:
Jeez you’re wound up tight.
Ulrich:
I don’t think we’re quite understanding each other.
My particularly generous mood is the only thing that’s let you live this long.
It was pity, not an invitation. Get it?
If you at all value your
Phineas:
Stop!
Stop. okay? It’s okay.
We’re on the same side, right? Aren’t we?
Would you be more comfortable if we went back to wherever you’re-
A-!
Ulrich:
Shut up! What are you talking about?
I just tried to kill you!
Why are you still here?!
Phineas:
You weren’t trying to kill me though.
Ulrich:
THERE IS LITERALLY STILL A GUN IN YOUR FACE.
Phineas:
So shoot.
MHE – PAGE 98
Phineas:
See?
If you wanted me dead you wouldn’t have shot me in the shoulder.
Ulrich:
I missed.
It won’t happen twice.
Phineas:
Come on! I’m not buying it friend!
You already chickened out! I don’t think a guy running around with fancy monogrammed bullets misses his target often.
Can we please skip this whole mysterious vigilante thing and talk like normal people? I have stuff I want to talk about too.
You wanted something from me, huh? It’s alright, I don’t mind.
I want to help but you gotta tell me how first. Okay?
…okay?
Ulrich:
…they’re not monogrammed, you idiot.
Phineas:
Whatever!
MHE – PAGE 99
Ulrich:
Incredible. I can’t believe this is happening AGAIN.
Phineas:
Does that mean I get to come along?
Ulrich:
If I said no you’d just follow me wouldn’t you??
Come on.
MHE – PAGE 100
CHAPTER 5
MODULATE
MHE – PAGE 101
Phineas:
Sooo is this where you live?
Ulrich:
Please. I think it’s been claimed by the desert rabbits.
There were some holed up in here when I found it but they haven’t been back.
I’ve just beenOH GOD WHAT ARE YOU DOING THAT’S DISGUSTING GET THOSE OFF THE TABLE RIGHT NOW
Phineas:
Aw relax ya big baby.
MHE – PAGE 102
Ulrich:
What are you doing out here without shoes anyway? You’ll get a disease like that.
Phineas:
Commanding is harder in shoes. Doesn’t bother me any.
Ulrich:
Well it bothers ME seeing your…
Gross…foot things.
Phineas:
Fine. If you find me something better I’ll wear it instead, kay?
Ulrich:
…right.
Well, you wanted to talk. You’ve got until I finish my drink then I’m going to bed.
Phineas:
Ok ok. You said you attacked me because you thought I was with Hazard?
Ulrich:
Mm.
Phineas:
What did he do to you?
Ulrich:
Does it matter? What do you care?
Phineas:
We’re friends! Of course I care.
But if you don’t wanna talk about it that’s okay too.
I’ll just take you at your word.
Ulrich:
We’re-
I…
MHE – PAGE 103
Ulrich:
He…robbed this old man.
Guy was running a pair of armadillos through the desert near here.
I was stranded, and he found me and gave me a ride into town. He basically saved my life.
Phineas:
Armadillos?
Ulrich:
I was exhausted, my guard was down.
By the time I woke up they’d disappeared with all his cargo.
I just want to try and get some of it back
Phineas:
That’s very kind.
Ulrich:
Just returning a-
Hey stop that!
Don’t pick at it stupid!
Phineas:
But it’s so itchyyy!
Ulrich:
You’re lucky that’s all it is!
MHE – PAGE 104
Phineas:
Little miss feather boa would have been an obvious target, but she’s always got her escorts.
I needed an in and you… you were smaller and unarmed, compared to the rest of them…
Phineas:
Ah no harm done!
You meant well.
So you want me to help you fight Hazard? That’s why I’m here?
Ulrich:
More or less.
Phineas:
Hee hee, of course I’ll help! This is gonna be so cool!
It’ll be way better than going by myself!
Ulrich:
Seems like you’d already started by the time we met.
Judging by that scarf you had.
Phineas:
Oh right, ha ha. I didn’t even know about any of this when I got it, the guy was just being mean to the waitress.
Ulrich:
So you don’t… You don’t really have a personal stake in any of this?
Phineas:
I didn’t say that did I?
…I mean, I don’t like what Hazard’s doing here, but I have my own reasons for wanting to get at him.
Ulrich:
Aaand those reasons would be…?
Phineas:
He’s in my way.
MHE – PAGE 105
Phineas:
I came here to get a heart for a starstone ship!
Ulrich:
Heh, good luck with that.
Even if Hazard wasn’t taking all the stone you don’t look like you’ve got the cash to get a ship made.
Phineas:
I’m sure it’ll work out.
Ulrich:
That’s kind of particular, isn’t it?
Phineas:
What do you mean?
Ulrich:
A normal flight ship is cheaper and a lot more reliable.
Where are you going that you need starstone to get there?
Phineas:
How bout you agree to come with me and I”ll tell you!
Ulrich:
No! What kind of question is that?! Why are you so fixated on me anyway?
I’ve done nothing to indicate I’m someone you should be making friends with.
That’s my wound under that bandage.
Phineas:
It’s your bandage.
You gotta come with me! Your guns and mask and stuff are so cool, you’re like some kind of superhero!
Als you got a blue thing.
Ulrich:
. . .
A WHAT?
MHE – PAGE 106
Phineas:
You know! Like a…
Like a THING.
A blue thing?
It’s blue-
Ulrich:
YOU ARE A CRAZY PERSON.
Phineas:
No it’s good!
I can tell.
And anyway, you can’t be bad if you were gonna fight Hazard all alone for some random guy you just met.
Ulrich:
You don’t know who you’re talking to.
Phineas:
That’s why I’m here though right? You need a partner.
Ulrich:
Oh don’t insult me.
Phineas:
But you JUST SAID-
Ulrich:
I felt SORRY for you!
The idea WAS to have you help me, but after sitting here talking with you I see now I’m better off by myself.
Clearly you’re some kind of idiot and interacting with you at all was a mistake.
I was going to bail on you before morning to save you some embarrassment, but frankly you’ve worn through whatever patience I had for niceties.
Phineas:
Ooh.
That’s what it is, you’re lying to me.
MHE – PAGE 107
Ulrich:
…
Excuse me?
Phineas:
Is that what the mask is for?
Ulrich:
N..what?
Phineas:
Can you not lie good without it?
Ulrich:
I don’t
Phineas:
You don’t have to lie to me.
Ulrich:
Stop
Phineas:
Why are
Ulrich:
SCHNAUZE!
Ugh god!
You’re insane! I’m not going with you anywhere!
Phineas:
Hey wait! You still have-
Ulrich:
We’re done here.
Saty, leave, I don’t give a shit what you do.
If I were any less of a spectacular and merciful human being your ass would be out in the cold.
Phineas:
Aw man! Just think about it!
Can we at least fight Hazard first before you decide?
Ulrich:
Like hell, as if I’d trust a moron like you to watch my back in a fight
Phineas:
Oh whaaaat?
Noooo it would be so fun though!
Ulrich come onnn be friends with meeee
Ulrich:
NO!
MHE – PAGE 108
Phineas:
Kairos Crossing
I’m going to Kairos Crossing to catch the sun. I want you to come with me!
‘Kay?
Ulrich:
…You are crazy.
Phineas:
Does that mean yes?
I think he’s coming around.
Mmmprobably.
MHE – PAGE 109
(No dialogue)
MHE – PAGE 110
Hazard:
Oooh my widdle widdle fishy bebbies
I have some meatsies just for you
Such good widdle fishy fishies.
Eisse:
DADDY!
MHE – PAGE 111
Hazard:
Eisse, darling.
Please don’t shout in here.
CARD:
COLD HAZARD
? ? ?
Good hair, bad mojo
Hazard:
You’ll frighten the fish.
Eisse:
The fish can get over it.
We have a problem.
Hazard:
Only one? That’s not so bad.
Eisse:
Would you please be serious?
MHE – PAGE 112
Eisse:
A commander showed up at Sergei’s, she beat the hell out of. . .
…what are their names, again…
Hazard:
She? Was she cute?
Eisse:
DAD!
Hazard:
Oh what? You’re not hurt are you?
Eisse:
She didn’t even come after me.
Although she wasn’t exactly threatening to begin with. . .
Hazard:
Well then what’s the problem? I’ll get rid of her tomorrow and assign you new bodyguards.
Eisse:
She’s got Crow Gideon’s mark.
Hazard:
. . .That would complicate things a little bit.
Are you certain?
A lot of commanders take symbols, my dear. It’s a sad attempt to feel relevant.
Eisse:
This is the one you showed me, right? It’s on both her hands and.
I want to say her back?
And she’s bright.
Hazard:
Yeah.
Yeah that’s his.
Gideon you son of a bitch. What have you done?
MHE – PAGE 113
Hazard:
Damn it.
Eisse:
So what are we going to do?
What if Gideon
Hazard:
He won’t
Even if she knew how to call him, Gideon wouldn’t come for her.
Probably left her for someone else to deal with, just like every other mess he’s ever made.
Typical recreant filth. Even dogs have a sense of loyalty.
He won’t come.
Eisse:
Is there some reason we can’t just kill her?
I saw her fight. She’s all flash. No real substance.
I could probably just do it myself.
Hazard:
No.
Eisse:
No?
Hazard:
Eisse, my little snowflake, you know I have infinite faith in you and your abilities…
But please promise me you won’t challenge her. Let me do it.
Eisse:
But dad she
Hazard:
Darling, listen to me.
Gideon is the most arrogant man I’ve ever met, I know he wouldn’t let just anyone run around flaunting that symbol.
Commanders are crafty and ruthless. Whatever you saw her do earlier, you need to assume she’s extremely dangerous.
Eisse:
Dangerous?
Ruthless?
MHE – PAGE 114
Eisse:
Nooo way, she’s a complete idiot seriously.
Trust me, she’s not
Hazard:
Eisse that’s what she wants.
You haven’t seen the things I have.
I will not watch my daughter become part of the wreckage these savages drag along behind them.
Do as I say.
I want your word.
Eisse:
Eugh okay okay, calm down.
Don’t do the eye thing.
Hazard:
I’m sorry, I don’t…mean to be cross.
It may be selfish but, after everything Cr…He’s taken from me, I couldn’t stand to lose you too.
Please, dearheart.
Eisse:
Jeez…if I find her I’ll come straight to you. I promise.
Hazard:
Good girl.
I’ll get in touch with our contact down below.
I’d guess our commander left already but I can feel her down there, now that I know what I’m looking for.
Still, it’s not time to panic yet.
More than likely she didn’t even come here for us.
This is precisely
Why I took on an alias.
MHE – PAGE 115
Hazard:
You should sleep, things may be busy tomorrow.
Eisse:
Where are you going?
Hazard:
I have some things to take care of.
If Gideon taught her she can’t have been doing it for more than…ten? Fifteen years?
That’s nothing.
A novice commander still shouldn’t be taken lightly, but I do have…considerable experience here.
We may have an easy fix for this, yet.
Don’t worry.
I’ll take care of everything.
We’ll be back on the road in no time, Pumpkin.
See you soon. Love you.
Eisse:
‘Night, Daddy.
MHE – PAGE 116
Ray:
God damn it god DAMN IT
Son of a BITCH! AUGH!
Roy:
You have got to calm down, dude.
Shit happens, you need to let it go.
Ray:
Let it go?! That miserable bitch embarrassed me in front of Ellie!
Ellie!
Roy:
Yeah I got it.
Ray:
I mean…We’re kinda in a rough patch…
But things were starting to get better before SHE got here.
Now look at me…
I’m gonna make her regret this.
Roy:
You know, my granny used to tell me to stay away from commanders.
She said their shadows are too long because demons follow them everywhere they go.
They’re abominations in god’s eyes, and what they do…like, tears up their souls or something.
Ray:
Your ole granny also wouldn’t go out at night because she thought the moon was stalking her.
Sorry if I don’t put much stock in her assessment.
Roy:
I didn’t believe it either!
MHE – PAGE 117
Roy:
But I’m not sure now. She had this…
Didn’t you feel it?
Ray:
Feel what?
Roy:
She like… I don’t… She hurt my eyes, she burned.
She was too big for her skin.
It got worse the longer we were fighting. You didn’t pick up on it at all?
Ray:
I didn’t pick up anything because I wasn’t buying into her bullshit scare tactics.
And so what?
We work for a wizard! We used to see crazier stuff than her in the mines all the time! What are you being weird about this?
Roy:
It all just feels different.
I dunno. I… We may be out of our depth here?
Ray:
…
So what is it, she’s better than me?
You think I’m too weak to
Roy:
I’m worried about you man!
I’m just afraid you’re gonna get hurt over…
Ray:
…What?
Over what?
MHE – PAGE 118
Roy:
This thing with Ellie’s gotta stop.
Ray:
Wh…what are you talking about? What thing?
What’s Ellie got to do with any of this?
Roy:
There is no relationship between you and her. There never was, Ray.
You need to stop harrassing her.
Ray:
Harrassing her? I would never…
What…what are you saying?
Roy:
That commander girl if you don’t
Ray:
G…irl?
…Oh.
Ooh, I get it.
Is THAT what this is about?!
I lost to a woman so I’m not good enough for Ellie now? Is that it?
Roy:
I didn’t say anything like that at all!
Ray:
You don’t need to! I can tell by the look on your face. I should have known.
You been jealous of me and Elle since day one.
Roy:
What??
How did you get-
Ray:
Shove it! You can go to hell, I don’t need you. I don’t need ANY of this bullshit.
I’ll take care of this myself.
Roy:
W-wait!
I’m just trying to…
MHE – PAGE 119
Ray:
No. You made your choice.
If you follow me I will kill you.
Stay out of my way.
Roy:
…
…
…
Shit.
Ray:
Alright
Alright
Alright
MHE – PAGE 120
CHAPTER 6
DON’T STARE
MHE – PAGE 121
The Second:
Commander!
Yes hello!
I’m speaking to you Star Astray.
Can you hear me?
I’m here!
I’m here!
Don’t leave me.
MHE – PAGE 122
Phineas:
Hmph. . .
Ulrich:
Not even going to say good morning?
I assumed even YOUR manners were better than that.
Phineas:
I thought you left! How’d you get up there so quiet?
Ulrich:
Pretty spry, for a big guy.
Aren’t I?
. . . Also you looked like you were sleeping really hard.
You DID spend an awful lot of time bleeding yesterday.
MHE – PAGE 123
Phineas:
Can I come up?
Ulrich:
I don’t know, can you?
Phineas:
Whatcha doin’ up here?
You lose something out there?
Ulrich:
I’m meditating to replenish my luck for the day.
Phineas:
Pff what?
Your luck?
Ulrich:
That’s right.
When I was younger, I wandered westward.
I ate seven sibling clovers from seven different soils
All grown in the light of one yellow sun.
My body brought them together and luck was bestowed on my bones.
Phineas:
Nuh uh!
Ulrich:
It’s true.
Phineas:
If I sit here and meditate with you, will I be lucky too?
Ulrich:
I don’t think it works that way.
But you can try.
MHE – PAGE 124
Ulrich:
(Ahem)
I…I may have been a bit overemotional last night.
I really could use your help.
With Hazard, I mean.
Phineas:
Mm. Then we go to Kairos Crossing.
Ulrich:
Absolutely not.
We finish this business here then we part ways.
Phineas:
Oh come on!
Why won’t you go on adventures with me?
Ulrich:
Truthfully?
I’m not interested in dropping what’s going on in my own life to help a brat like you.
You’re not the only one with an agenda, you know
Phineas:
No that’s cool though! Let’s do your stuff too!
I’m only on my own schedule.
Ulrich:
No. I said! Just drop it!
Phineas:
Uuuugh!
(Hmph!)
I don’t know why you gotta be so difficult.
Ulrich:
Wh-ME?!
I’m difficult?!
Oh! Right.
I eh…I have something for you.
Phineas:
Is it a pledge of undying friendship?
MHE – PAGE 125
Ulrich:
I thought maybe…
Phineas:
Oh my gosh did you make me socks
Ulrich:
Sort of.
Phineas:
You totally did!
Ulrich:
They work like those wraps you used before. These are just a lot less disgusting.
Phineas:
I can’t believe you did this! You’re brilliant!
Ulrich:
I’d be a pretty pisspoor performer if I couldn’t even make such a simple costume element, don’t you think?
How they fit?
Phineas:
Perfect, I love them!
Ulrich:
You have no excuse now. No more dirty bandages.
Phineas:
Nope! No more dirty bandages.
So
What’s our plan, smart guy?
Ulrich:
Well,
First we need to figure out how to get on Hazard’s ship.
(Sigh)
We’ll probably have to do some recon at the tower base. It could take a while though…
Phineas:
Why don’t we just ask somebody?
Ulrich:
Oh great idea. We’ll just ask.
They’ve got to have people out looking for you now, stupid.
Who are you just gonna ask?
MHE – PAGE 126
Ellie:
Right right…
Um yeah, I’ll take care of it. Don’t worry about a thing.
Are-are you-
Yes, He’s still…
No I’m fine, really. I won’t let things get out of hand.
…What?
Ehheheh, no don’t do that.
I um… I miss you.
Ha ha! Mm-hmm
I um- o-oh! They just walked in. I gotta go.
M-me too. Tell your brother I said hey.
Ulrich:
Well this is… quaint.
Suppose they charge extra for tables near the print of an old man spitting into a bucket?
Phineas:
Lighten up would you?
MHE – PAGE 127
Ulrich:
I just don’t like being out in the open like this.
Phineas:
You worry too much.
Want a peanut?
Ulrich:
… Yes I do.
Phineas:
It’ll be fine! You’re with me now.
If anyone tries anything…
I will grind them into a fine powder.
Ulrich:
I don’t need-!
Ellie:
Hi hi!
Welcome back, miss commander!
Wasn’t expecting to see you in here again so soon.
Phineas:
Can’t get rid of me that easy!
Ellie:
Eheheh, I can see that…
And is this a friend of yours?
Phineas:
YES IT IS.
Ulrich:
Phineas please.
I am Ulrich.
MHE – PAGE 128
Ulrich:
At your service.
Ellie:
Oh my!
For me?
Phineas:
(WHAT)
Ellie:
That’s so kind of you!
Ulrich:
I hope it makes your day a bit brighter.
Ellie:
Eheheh-let-let me go fetch my ticketbook.
Phineas:
WHAT NONSENSE DID I JUST WITNESS
Ulrich:
Stop shouting!
She’s the waitress you defended before.
Right?
Phineas:
How did you know?
(You really are a wizard)
Ulrich:
Phineas she just got done talking about meeting you yesterday.
But even ignoring that it’s obvious.
She fidgets, her speech is rushed and nervous.
Mostly her eyes give it away.
Phineas:
Oh so YOU can “just tell” ass this stuff from someone’s eyes but when I say
Ulrich:
No, listen.
MHE – PAGE 129
Ulrich:
It’s not some intuition thing, it’s just common sense.
Her eye makeup’s been redone. She’s been crying but she doesn’t want anyone to know about it.
Phineas:
Uh-huh.
You could tell all that from like five seconds?
You’re some kinda makeup expert too?
Ulrich:
I have
More than considerable experience reading faces that don’t want to be read.
It’s not an exaggeration to say it’s saved my life on more than one occasion.
Trickery is my craft, Kidd, and it’s not a practice that treats mediocrity kindly. I’m very good at what I do.
You’d best get used to it if we’re going to work together.
Phineas:
So You’re-
Ulrich:
JUST. For today.
And yes, I am also a cosmetic expert, smartass.
Phineas:
Hee hee!
Ellie:
Ok ok!
What’ll we be having?
Ulrich:
Pardon me for a moment, ladies.
Phineas:
Actually I was wanting to ask you something, Elle.
Ellie:
Oh?
…Oh!
Um, I think there’s a sort of…elevator?
MHE – PAGE 130
Ellie:
Hazard uses magic to get around but the workers have to use the lift to get onto the ship.
It’s the service elevator they built into the radio tower.
Phineas:
Oh easy, we’ll just hitch a ride up then.
Ellie:
Mm, not quite.
Hazard’s security is…relaxed, as far as the tower goes.
I…I guess he figures he’s strong enough to handle it if anyone tried to board his ship.
You can walk right up to the tower like you could before he moved in, but you still need something to make the elevator run.
Umm..A pass of some kind, a key or a card maybe?
I’m sorry, I’ve, er…
Ulrich:
. . .
Ellie:
I’ve never actually seen it up close before so I don’t know much more than tha.
Phineas:
It’s ok! More than we knew before.
Ulrich:
We need to leave.
Right now.
Phineas:
Huh?
MHE – PAGE 131
Ulrich:
A bunch of Hazard’s men are outside.
Ellie:
…?
Ulrich:
They’re heading this way.
Phineas:
Woah really?
Ulrich:
Don’t look, stupid!
Phineas:
What’s the big deal? I can beat ‘em up!
Ulrich:
Use your head!
Do you want to get Ellie in trouble for helping us?
Ellie:
A-are you sure-
Ulrich:
He he he, you wouldn’t happen to have another exit to this fine establishment would you?
Phineas:
Wow you’re super smart, Ulrich.
Good thing you’re here.
Ellie:
Oh-
O-of course. Right this way, please
There’s a little alley back here, if you follow it you’ll come out right near the square.
You can see the tower base from there.
Most of the buildings are empty, you shouldn’t have any trouble.
Ulrich:
Thanks very much, miss
Ellie:
Good luck you two!
Phineas:
Be safe ok? Don’t take anyone’s crap.
MHE – PAGE 132
Phineas:
Ha ha wow you’re good! I never even thought about just running away.
We could have really messed things up back there huh?
Ulrich:
Keep up.
We need to get some distance between us and them.
Phineas:
!
You got us breakfast too??
Ulrich:
Can’t fight on an empty stomach.
Phineas:
Hee hee! Man!
This is already way better than if I was-
Ulrich:
Phineas?
Oh what now?!
MHE – PAGE 133
Ulrich:
I can’t believe this.
Nobody-!
…uh.
Are you alright? What’s happened?
Phineas:
Aw, you do care.
Ulrich:
God damn it be serious! Where did they go?
Phineas:
He’s behind the door.
Ulrich:
…the do..?
Simon:
She’s…a lot lighter than she-
Ah!
It’s cool! I know this looks kinda bad, h-hah
Ulrich:
Correct!
You have five seconds to explain what the hell you think you’re doing.
Simon:
Sure sure! No problem I’d be happy to.
First could you maybe take your finger off0
Ulrich:
Three
Simon:
Ah! Yep okay!
MHE – PAGE 134
Simon:
I wanna help you guys!
I have something you’ll need to get up to where the wizard lives.
I uh, it’s in my pocket, if I could just…
Ulrich:
Slowly, please.
Simon:
There! There’s uh,
There’s like a service elevator built into the radio tower, that’s the thing his, his uh…
…island or whatever it is is sitting on.
Ulrich:
Sure it is.
Phineas:
Aw lay off Ulrich, he’s just a kid.
Hee hee!
Don’t worry! He does this a lot.
Simon:
Y-yeah?
Ulrich:
Quiet, Phineas.
How did you know we needed that?
Phineas:
(Ooh, good point)
Simon:
Look mister
I don’t know what your deal is, but I know she’s here to help us.
A lot of us know what you did last night, I mean…
You are gonna try and take out Hazard, right?
Phineas:
It’s on my list, yeah.
MHE – PAGE 135
Ulrich:
What do you mean ‘us?’ That’s one of Hazard’s scarves isn’t it?
Simon:
It’s my brother’s.
I..I took it from him last time I saw him.
None of them wanted to side with the wizard.
They had no choice, you know? Can you understand that?
Phineas:
I get it, but. . .
I wouldn’t have joined up.
Your brother picked the bad guys. Sorry.
Simon:
Then you don’t understand!
Ulrich:
Watch it boy.
Simon:
I should have known. You commanders DO throw away your humanity for your heathen powers.
How else could you possibly sit there and tell me-
Phineas:
I know what I am.
Are you going somewhere with this?
Simon:
You heretics have no value for human life! I’m afraid-
I’m asking that you spare my brother!
Phineas:
Well I don’t usually plan on killing anybody, so you can relax.
Ulrich:
I still don’t believe you. Any of this.
You drop out of the sky with the exact thing we need?
Right after we learn we need it?
And you’re just going to give it to us?
Simon:
…yes?
Ulrich:
BULLSHIT!
Phineas:
Ulrich knock it off!
Ulrich:
Oh you CANNOT be BUYING THIS.
I know it’s difficult for you but try to see reason.
Phineas:
Chill okay? We’re fine, it’s all fine.
MHE – PAGE 136
Ulrich:
No it is NOT FINE. He’s lying!
We could be surrounded by now!
Phineas:
He really wants to help us, though. I can tell.
Ulrich:
You CAN’T. TELL!
Phineas:
Yes I can!
How come YOU get to claim a skillset and I don’t?
Ulrich:
Delusional imbecile is NOT a skill!
[Phineas]
No it’s good!
Ulrich:
And I know…
I know for a fact that yours doesn’t work.
It can’t.
Phineas:
Ugh just!
Just trust me, ok? A little bit? We can’t function with you all tense like this.
Simon:
Sh…should I leave you two alone or…
Phineas:
Listen, let me. . .
It comes with the commander thing.
Commanders…fundamentally, pull up sun energy from the ground.
The energy is like a heartbeat. Sort of?
I’ve never been good at explaining this…
Simon:
Don’t look at her eyes, she might be trying to-
Ulrich:
You’re finished speaking.
Phineas:
If I can see the heartbeat, I should be able to see the heart, right?
Stuff that’s alive also gives off energy, just like the planet. Everything pulls from the same source.
So I can see your heart too.
Not like your real one, but…
It’s, ah. It’s blue, like I said. And it’s centered here at your throat.
MHE – PAGE 137
Ulrich:
I can’t read your mind or anything…
But that’s how I knew you were okay, even after we fought.
And it’s how I know you’re still not telling me everything.
But you feel like you’re doing the right thing by not telling.
That’s plenty enough for me.
I’m sorry, I know this is probably…uncomfortable. But we gotta get past this or we’re not gonna work.
For now, is that good enough for you to leave the dude’s head intact?
Ulrich & Simon:
……
Ulrich:
You’re saying he’s not lying?
Phineas:
I’m saying he means well
Ulrich:
That’s not what I asked…
…we should get going.
Phineas:
How bout this stuff?
Ulrich:
I’ll carry it.
Simon:
Just like that…?
. . . uh-
Phineas:
What’s your brother’s name?
Simon:
Oh it’s. . . It’s Constance. Could you-
Could you tell him I’m doing okay?
Simon’s doing okay?
MHE – PAGE 138
Phineas:
Sure thing. You want me to do that before or after I steal his soul?
Simon:
S…sorry.
But you’re one to talk about choices and consequences.
You can’t act like you didn’t expect this when you… I mean.
You turned yourself into a monster because of pride. That’s the worst sin there is.
Phineas:
Yeah that’s a weird thing huh?
Pride being the worst, I mean.
Why is that, do you think?
Simon:
…I don’t think it’s our place to decide that.
God makes the rules, not me. Not you, either.
Phineas:
(Hee! Hee!)
Yeah?
Simon:
I’ll pray for your soul. And your…safety.
Phineas:
That’s very kind, thank you.
Please don’t concern yourself too much, though.
My soul’s in very capable hands.
Pff. You ‘bout ready?
…
Ulrich:
Ahem
You shouldn’t-that guy doesn’t know what he’s talking about.
Phineas:
Hmm?
MHE – PAGE 139
Ulrich:
People like that. . . People are always angry when they see others who are actively trying to change their circumstances.
I don’t know anything about commanding so maybe I’m just ignorant. For all I know you ARE some kind of monster.
But if you made some choice with the intention of changing your own life for the better then you’re the stronger person.
People who try to punish others for controlling their own destiny are scum.
Phineas:
…
Ulrich:
Sorry, that may have come from nowhere but I’ve. . . dealt with a lot of characters like that.
Don’t let them get to you. They’re not worth it.
Phineas:
Wow um, thanks!
Don’t worry about me though, that stuff stopped bothering me years ago.
Ulrich:
Well not me.
People like him have no business criticising people like us. It’s a good way to get killed
Phineas:
Aw I dunno. I think having the advantage means you should be gentle, when you can be.
Most of them are probably just scared. If it makes people feel more comfortable to think I’m a monster that’s fine with me.
Like you said, they’re not worth worrying about, right?
Ulrich:
…
Comfort.
Phineas:
Yep yep!
MHE – PAGE 140
Phineas:
Can’t blame them too much though! I am stronger than pretty much everybody.
I can see why people might find me frightening.
Ulrich:
Right. As if a simpleton like you could ever frighten anybody.
Phineas:
Hee hee!
. . .
Last chance to bail.
Ulrich:
Try not to say stupid things.
I am slightly concerned by the lack of cover out here.
Let’s be quick.
This is still too strange. No Guards? None? Where is everyone?
Phineas:
Weren’t there some dudes back at the bar?
Ulrich:
. . . I saw a few. Hazard only sent one group?
Phineas:
Maybe Ellie threw them off our trail.
Ulrich:
Mmm, a query, if you’ll indulge me.
What does your little skill tell you about Ellie?
MHE – PAGE 141
Phineas:
You know!
!
It’s really weird!
She acts all nervous and stuff, but I get the feeling she’s really strong.
Like, physically strong. Maybe stronger than I am.
. . . Well, as strong.
Ulrich:
Why aren’t we moving?
Phineas:
Like half as strong probably.
Ulrich:
. . . What’s that noise?
Phineas:
It’s an elevator silly! Elevators make noises.
You’ve gotta relax, friend.
Ulrich:
Please remove your hand.
Phineas:
We’re gonna get to Hazard, one way or. . .
MHE – PAGE 142
Phineas:
Uh
Ulrich:
Son of a BITCH.
MHE – PAGE 143
CHAPTER 7
DEFECT
MHE – PAGE 144
Ulrich:
God damn it!
I hate you! I hate you so much!
When this is over I’ll wring your neck myself!
Phineas:
Can you swim?
Ulrich:
What the hell are you talking about?!
We! Are about! To die!
COULD YOU FOR ONCE be FUCKING RATIONAL?!
MHE – PAGE 145
Hazard:
I must be frank,
I wasn’t certain such a simple trap would actually work.
But now it’s clear my initial assessment was correct.
You are an idiot.
Oh please.
There’s no need for all that.
MHE – PAGE 146
Phineas:
What? How did-
Hazard:
As I was saying, before you so boorishly interjected. . .
Do you really think there’s anyone here who isn’t working for me?
It would seem Gideon’s ridiculous ideals have rubbed off on you, miss commander.
Phineas:
Wait, Gideon? Crow Gideon? How do you know him?
Is-is he here?
Hazard:
. . . Good lord.
How old are you?
Phineas:
Huh?
Ulrich:
Koff!
Phineas:
Does it matter?
Hazard:
You could be my DAUGHTER.
If you’re this age now, and you’re. . . Gideon allowed you to take his mark, you couldn’t have been more than a child when he made the change.
I keep thinking he can sink no lower, yet here you are.
Phineas:
. . . How, do you know him?
MHE – PAGE 147
Hazard:
Well, this DOES explain a few things, at the very least.
Gideon would never have taken a student unless the circumstances were. . .
Extenuating.
Phineas:
He knew I had good potential.
Hazard:
Mmm, no, darling.
YOU were a novelty he mangled so grievously he felt obligated to try and fix you.
Phineas:
Get off!
Hazard:
He felt guilty for mutilating a child.
Phineas:
H. . .
He wouldn’t-
Hazard:
I bet it burns, still, doesn’t it?
Worst at sunrise, perhaps?
I bet you hid in the dark for ages afterward.
Phineas:
. . .
Hazard:
How were those first few months, hmm?
Phineas:
Probably a lot like yours were after you got that eye, Hazard.
MHE – PAGE 148
Hazard:
Oh lovely, that saves me the trouble of introducing myself.
How am I reading these days?
Phineas:
You’re gross and I hate you. You feel like a dead fish.
Hazard:
(Mm-hmm Hmm~)
Well,
If our mutual accquaintance sent you as some sort of attempt at peace, I’m sorry to say that bird has long, long since flown.
Phineas:
No one SENT me. I sent me.
This has nothing to do with him. I haven’t seen Gideon in a long time.
Hazard:
. . . Still breaking hearts I see.
Why are you here causing me trouble, then?
Phineas:
I’m going to Kairos Crossing, I’m here to get a heart for a ship.
Hazard:
. . . While there are a myriad of reasons why that statement is unfortunate for you. . .
Outstanding among them is that the only stone here that’s suitable for a ship is currently powering my own.
Phineas:
Alright then.
I’m gonna take your ship’s heart and go to Kairos Crossing.
Hazard:
I’m afraid I’m not looking to give it away.
Phineas:
I didn’t say give.
I said take.
MHE – PAGE 149
Hazard:
I’m sure you’re very intimidating around whatever backwater province you crawled here from.
But you’re really going to have to do better than that.
And you. Am I safe to assume you’re part of this ship stealing entourage?
Ulrich:
Actually I’m
Phineas:
Yes, he’s mine.
Ulrich:
Don’t speak for me!
Phineas:
Oh shush, you don’t know what you want.
Ulrich:
ExCUSE me!? I am not an object!
Certainly not YOUR-!
Phineas:
!
God DAMN-!
Hazard:
The adults are speaking, now.
Honestly I don’t think you pose much of a threat to me, but those guns you’re hiding don’t belong to an amateur.
I could use you.
If you’d like to come work for me I’ll let you out of these cuffs right now.
Ulrich:
Ah ha ha
You couldn’t afford me.
Hazard:
You don’t think so?
Phineas:
Hee hee
Ulrich:
The thing is, I’m very familiar with what real gangsters are like. You don’t quite fit the bill.
I only work with headliners, darling. You’re b-list at best.
MHE – PAGE 150
Hazard:
You are aware of what you’re saying? She’s going to die either way, but I have no issue with you.
It would be a shame to let your talents go to waste over her.
Gerard:
Ahem.
Ulrich:
Ach, my response was too ambiguous.
Allow me to clarify my position for you:
Phineas:
Hee! Hee! Hee! Hee!
Ulrich:
Eat shit, sir.
Hazard:
Charming.
Ulrich:
Like that one?
Phineas:
(Hee hee!)
It hurts to laugh
Hazard:
Very well.
Ladies, if you would.
Penelope:
Relax, ok?
We just need your stuff.
Phineas:
Don’t touch him.
Ulrich:
Um
Phineas:
Put me down!
Penelope:
Quit fighting! I don’t want to hurt you.
Phineas:
Let go!
Gerard:
Don’t make this hard.
Ulrich:
It’s alright, I intend to come quietly.
Phineas:
We do not!!
Dinkley:
Please calm down.
Phineas:
Hey!!
Hazard:
This. . .
This does NOT belong to you.
Phineas:
Does too! Jocasta gave it to me!
MHE – PAGE 151
Hazard:
You LIE.
I once watched Hubris escape a sundog’s maw and leap back inside it solely to retrieve this exact garment.
She would never part with it, especially to give it to a brat like you. She hates children.
Phineas:
Gideon and Jocasta? Dunno. . .
For all that talk you don’t seem to know my family very well at all.
Hazard:
Your family?
If these are the people you consider family. . .
I’m doing you a favor by ending you here.
Dinkley:
S-should we get his mask too?
Gerard:
May as well.
How do we-
Ulrich:
(DON’T)
Eep!
MHE – PAGE 152
Dinkley:
Wah! What’d you d-do??
Gerard:
Nothing! Dude’s just freakin’ out!
Ulrich:
If you DON’T mind.
This isn’t a mask, it’s a prosthesis.
If you pull it off my eyes will come out with it.
Dinkley:
Omigosh! You almost blinded him!!
Gerard:
Oh. Whoops.
Should we let him keep it, sir?
Hazard:
I really don’t give a damn. He’s not the one you should be worried about.
Phineas:
Sorry about this.
Penelope:
Hey, what are you. . .
Aah! She’s-!
Phineas:
Alright! Here’s how-
Tain:
(Meus)
Phineas:
H..Here…
…
Dinkley:
U-um, are you. . . ?
MHE – PAGE 153
Phineas:
(Eugh!)
Ulrich:
(Blood? Why?)
Phineas:
(Ngh.)
Ulrich:
(It’s like back on the roof. . .)
Impressive! I take it back, Kidd, you are terrifying.
I bet that power could be really effective if you tried using it against opponents.
Phineas:
Bite me.
Hazard:
I was wondering how long that would take
I don’t suppose you’ve ever found yourself commanding from inside a starstone mine like this, have you?
Penelope:
Easy
Phineas:
Why did it rebound like that?
What did you do?
Hazard:
I just made you more visible.
Phineas:
To what?
Hazard:
I’m sure you already know how the stone affects you topside, but you may find…
Down here it tends to be considerably less…accommodating.
Odd the Cr. . . Odd that Gideon wouldn’t tell you about something like this.
He must be slipping in his old age.
It seems like the sort of thing a caring family member might divulge.
Phineas:
You shut your mouth.
Hazard:
Makes one wonder what else he’s neglected to tell you, doesn’t it?
Well, that should be everything I need from you.
Phineas:
Get back here.
Hazard:
Gather them up and take them to the fifth chamber.
Phineas:
I didn’t say you could leave! I’m not done with you!
MHE – PAGE 154
Hazard:
Oh, as much as I’d love to hammer all that ego out of you myself,
I have no interest in a duel with you, commander.
The fact that you still have any kind of respect for Gideon shows how ignorant you are.
Killing you now would mean you’d die before you understood the extent to which you were wronged.
Anything I could do to you myself would only pale in comparison to what that sort of despair will.
And let me impress upon you, if there’s one thing I’m certain of. . .
It’s that no one succumbs to despair quite as spectacularly as a commander does.
I can’t say it’s been a pleasure, student of Gideon.
I don’t expect we’ll meet again.
Phineas:
My name’s Phineas.
And you oughta start expecting me real soon.
Hazard:
Phineas. . .?
Really?
(Haaa. . . )
(That is an ego on you.)
MHE – PAGE 155
Gerard:
You heard him. Let’s get this over with.
Dinkley:
A-are you limping?
Ulrich:
Nothing to worry about, I’m just fine to walk on my own, miss.
Phineas:
I’ll walk on my own too, thanks.
Penelope:
Fine! Jeez!
Gerard:
Okay let’s get something straight here lady.
Those things around your wrists are wizard conjures. Ain’t nothing you can do to take ‘em off before you get where Hazard wants you to be.
There’s shit creeping around down here way worse’n that pretentious asshole.
You can run if you want, but even if you weren’t tied up these things’d eat you alive.
Phineas:
That supposed to scare us?
Gerard:
It’s supposed to keep you from doing something stupid like picking a fight.
We can’t help you, and roughing us up ain’t gonna change that one bit.
. . .
Phineas:
I’m sorry I hurt your friend.
Gerard:
Don’t.
Come on.
Phineas:
. . . It’ll quit stinging in a little bit.
Penelope:
Good to know.
MHE – PAGE 156
Ulrich:
Admittedly I’ve never been in a mine before, so I may just be ignorant, but.
This seems more like a cave to me. I thought a mine would look more artificial.
Dinkley:
I-it’s a side effect of the starstone we dug up, we think. It sort of has. . .
A will of its own?
The walls changed color a few weeks after we broke into the bigger deposit.
The, er. . . The t-tunnels started changing, too. They swallowed up all our supports and most of our rail systems.
They reroute sometimes, it’s easy to get lost.
Tain:
(Eat you up. Eat you)
Phineas:
That sounds un. . . not. . .
Tain:
(Where are you going commander this way)
Phineas:
What was I. . .
Oh!
I wanted to ask, is there a worker down here named Constance?
Ulrich:
Just drop it Phineas!
MHE – PAGE 157
Ulrich:
There’s no Constance, that kid probably doesn’t even have a brother.
It was a trop just like I said, and you fell for it.
Phineas:
Well if there IS a Constance down here it would be REALLY NICE if someone could let him know his brother Simon says hello!
And he’s fine. I didn’t even hit him or anything.
Tain:
(hush hush hush hush)
Ulrich:
Tch.
Phineas:
(Ugh WHAT is that noise?)
(It burns!)
Tain:
(don’t shout don’t shout)
(hush hush hush hush hush hush)
Ulrich:
You’re making an idiot of yourself.
Phineas? What’s wrong with you?
Phineas:
Nothing. I’m peffect.
But your concern is touching! Wanna join me yet?
Ulrich:
Please don’t be weird.
Edwardo:
(Hellooo~)
Phineas:
Hey how come those guys are in there?
Dinkley:
Oh uh, troublemakers.
MHE – PAGE 158
Ulrich:
You mean Hazard doesn’t just kill them?
Gerard:
Is that a problem?
Ulrich:
Only surprised.
Everything I’ve heard about him so far doesn’t make him out to be the type to have holding cells.
Gerard:
Yeah well I ain’t-
HEY!
Penelope:
Will you please behave yourself?
Gerard:
Dammit!
Phineas:
I just wanna ask something.
Gerard:
Why are you so freakin’ heavy??
Penelope:
We have work to get back to, we need to keep moving!
Phineas:
Could you WAIT two seconds?
Dinkley:
Oh dear. . .
Ulrich:
Mm,
They should probably just let her do whatever she’s trying to do.
I can tell you right now they’ll get tired a long time before she does.
Dinkley:
O-oh. . .
MHE – PAGE 159
Dinkley:
G-guys maybe we. . . ?
Guys maybe we should just-
Ah-
JUST
LET HER ASK HER GOD DAMN QUESTION!!
(Ahm. . . )
It’s. . . not really hurting anything is it?
Gerard:
Fine! Whatever!! I don’t care!
Phineas:
Thank you.
Penelope:
(Euugh. . .)
Phineas:
Hi!
I’m looking for someone and I kinda get the feeling she might be in a cell like you two are.
Edwardo:
Who’re you lookin’ for, sweetie?
Phineas:
There’s a rabbit who works as a waitress at, uh. . .
Starts with ‘S’.
Surger?
Ser-jees?
Tain:
(What are you doing commander)
Edwardo:
Oh not our Ellie?
They didn’t drag that poor girl down here did they?
Phineas:
No no she’s fine!
I’m actually looking for her mother.
Tain:
(no no)
MHE – PAGE 160
Edwardo:
Her. . . mother?
I’m awful sorry, but Ellie’s ma passed on just earlier this year.
She and her daddy were real broke up about it.
Suppose it’s been a pretty bad stretch for their little family.
Phineas:
. . . O-oh.
I’m. . . sorry to hear that.
Edwardo:
Are you a friend of Ellie’s?
Phineas:
Yeah, we just met yesterday.
Edwardo:
She’s a real nice girl, she-
Gerard:
Ahem.
This ain’t a social call.
We gotta go.
Phineas:
Right uh, thanks anyway mister.
Edwardo:
I’m sorry I couldn’t help you out, hun.
Phineas:
Okay, NOW we can go.
Gerard:
‘Preciate it, your highness.
Edwardo:
. . . Zed?
Zed:
Mm?
Edwardo:
You kinda feel like she was. . . weighin’ you down?
Zed:
. . . Like I was drownin’.
MHE – PAGE 161
Tain:
(listen listen listen listen)
!!!
Phineas:
Hmm?
Ulrich:
What?
Phineas:
What did you say?
Ulrich:
Nothing. . . ?
Phineas:
You said something.
Ulrich:
I didn’t!
Phineas:
Well SOMEBODY-
Gerard:
SHUT UP!
YOU’RE SO ANNOYING!!
Penelope:
Hey,
Don’t yell, alright?
Not here.
MHE – PAGE 162
DOOR:
(The sun with its brightness brings shadow waking behind it)
Dinkley:
Please stay back.
MHE – PAGE 163
Tain:
Come on in commander
Phineas:
. . .
Tain:
We are waiting
Dinkley:
A-alright. Go on through.
Ulrich:
Is there an alternative?
Phineas:
It’s a lake.
Ulrich:
Shh.
Phineas:
It’s a great big lake full of bad stars.
Ulrich:
You’re delirious. Try to
Phineas:
No listen to me
Gerard:
We ain’t got all day, folks.
Are you walking or are we carrying you?
Phineas:
We’re walking.
MHE – PAGE 164
Phineas:
Me first.
Ulrich:
Have at it.
Phineas:
Don’t be scared. I’ll protect you.
Ulrich:
I have no doubt.
Ach, ladies~
You’ll excuse me if I don’t tip my
. . .
Dinkley:
. . . Sorry.
Gerard:
None of that.
We need to get going.
Ulrich:
-hat.
Uh. the door. . .
Phineas:
No way.
Ulrich:
. . . Kidd?
MHE – PAGE 165
Ulrich:
What the hell’s go-
Phineas:
Stay there! Don’t move!
Tain:
(Chee hee! Hee! Hee!)
What’s that all about?
You trust this thief you just met, but not us?
That hurts.
CARD:
???
Tain:
Man, Kidd, you don’t look so good!
Phineas:
What are you??
Answer me
Tain:
Oh don’t insult us with that force of will bullshit
We can feel you shaking from here! THIS is enough to throw you off guard? What kind of spirit is that for a commander?
You’re an embarrassment, you’re a god damn shameful waste of precious resource.
You really piss us off.
And you know what WE think?
MHE – PAGE 166
Tain:
WE think we’re tired of morons like you. . .
Comparing yourselves to us.
You forget your PLACE.
LET US REMIND YOU!
Phineas:
Alright that’s-
Mana:
(What?!)
(Why-)
Tain:
YOU
HEATHEN
GARBAGE
HOW DARE YOU?!
You have no idea what you’re messing with Kidd!
You are tiny!
You wanna play god?!
Phineas:
Let me
Tain:
We’ll show you what real gods are like!!
MHE – PAGE 167
Tain:
The light you carry is tarnished by your filthy soul
We’re gonna carve every last trace of it out of you
Starting with your beating heart!!
Ulrich:
Hey stupid.
GOD DAMN IT PHINEAS!
Listen to me!
Tain:
False-
A false teller?!
Ulrich:
Snap out of it!
Phineas:
. . . ?
Ul. . . rich?
Ul. . . rich
Very good.
Now just what in the HELL is going on with you?
Phineas:
Oh!
Ulrich! Did it hurt you? Are you okay?
Ulrich:
Are YOU?
What’s wrong with you FACE?
Your hands?
Phineas:
I, uh. . . what did you see?
Ulrich:
This. . .substance came crawling out of the water, towards you.
You just sat there staring like an IDIOT so I intervened. It would have gotten you otherwise.
Phineas:
You beat that thing back?
Ulrich:
Is that strange? It seemed like smoke, I only put my foot through it.
MHE – PAGE 168
Ulrich:
(Sigh…)
God. . .
What kind of freakshow have you dragged me into?
Phineas:
Um, Ulrich?
Ulrich:
Do you need a moment?
Phineas:
I think so. Just for a second.
Ulrich:
Alright, but are you sure you want to rest here?
Phineas:
Pretty sure we’re safe for now. I can’t feel whatever it was anymore. I think you hurt it somehow.
We need to cover my back though. That’s what it’s after. They.
Ulrich:
I’m not following.
Phineas:
It’s. . . light gets through it. It’s a light and they’re moths. ‘Cept sharper.
My coat usually keeps stuff like that away so I don’t really think about it. I didn’t realize how much. . .
Ulrich:
Er. . .
Could this help?
Not like I have guns to hide at the moment.
It’s not a feat of arcana like yours, but it serves me fairly well.
Phineas:
Actually it might work, if you give it with the right intention.
Commanders’ coats are just regular ones with gusto in ‘em. It’s wordpower, more than it’s the material.
Ulrich:
The marvels spring eternal. Just put it on before you pass out again.
And wipe off that frown. It disagrees with you.
Phineas:
Hee!
That should do fine.
I just need a second, it shouldn’t
Ulrich:
Here, face the other direction.
Phineas:
. . . Okay?
Ha ha, cold already?
Ulrich:
Don’t sound so pleased with yourself.
If there are monsters around here that I can’t see, I’d rather take every precaution we can.
If my clothing wards off these creatures, the rest of me should be able to just as well, yes?
Phineas:
Theoretically, yeah.
MHE – PAGE 169
Phineas:
This sucks though! I’m so exhausted!
The air in this place is so full of static I can’t focus on anything.
Ulrich:
No static for me. All I see are shiny rocks
Phineas:
Hee, I think you scare them. You’re like a beacon, your voice cuts right through everything.
Makes it easier to think.
Ulrich:
Wonderful. Let’s talk, then.
You’re COMPLETELY full of shit, aren’t you?
Phineas:
Ha ha, about what?
Ulrich:
Everything. All of it. This swill about souls and hearts and whatever else.
You were bluffing when you said I was lying last night.
You fooled me. Well done.
Phineas:
Oh, nah. I’m no good at lying even when I want to.
Everything I’ve said is true.
Ulrich:
NO it is NOT.
What about Ellie? Did she not say her mother was being held captive? That she was her whole reason for staying here?
Phineas:
She did. So?
Ulrich:
SO if the woman is DEAD then Ellie’s PLAYING YOU you SIMP!
Phineas:
Good people tell lies too, if they got reasons for it.
Ulrich:
Stop! You’re embarrassing!
You don’t have this amazing power of observation, your act is getting old.
Phineas:
You keep talking like it’s some kinda voodoo.
Ulrich:
It is. You can’t bullshit a bullshitter.
I can prove it too, I’m.
I’m not. . .
I’m not what you think I am.
Phineas:
Which is what. Exactly? Don’t be stupid.
If it makes you feel better you can tell me whatever you want, but I really don’t give a damn.
I don’t need convincing.
MHE – PAGE 170
Phineas:
I already made up my mind about you, nothing you say’s gonna change it.
You can have your little crisis of personality if you gotta, but I know your spirit’s a good one. Even if you can’t see it yet.
It’s fine. Take your time.
I’ll believe enough for both of us until you do too.
Ulrich:
Ach don’t! Say things like that!
Look around you! Look where we are!
We are currently trapped underground with no weapons, surrounded by apparently invisible demons
Who, at the very least, have already attempted to set you on fire.
All of this has happened expressly because you have horrible judgement.
How can you sit there and insist you’re right about anything?
Phineas:
Well you stayed, didn’t you?
Ulrich:
. . . What are you getting at?
Phineas:
Hazard gave you an out and you stayed with me anyway.
That was pretty decent of you, don’t you think?
Ulrich:
It’s. . . I just. . .
Phineas:
It was a long walk over here, you had lots of chances to leave and you didn’t even try it, cuffs or not.
Ulrich:
. . .
Phineas:
I’m not wrong about you. I’m not wrong about Ellie or Simon.
Everything’s gonna work out alright
I am sorry they took your guns, though.
Ulrich:
(Sigh)
Phineas:
I promise I’ll get them back.
Ulrich:
. . . Your. . . concern is appreciated, but to be honest they’re the least of my worries.
MHE – PAGE 171
Ulrich:
I told you, I’m very lucky.
Things are taken from me frequently in my line of work. Invariably, they find their ways back.
Phineas:
(Hee! Hee!)
I knew you were an optimist!
Ulrich:
It’s not optimism.
It’s just how things are.
Phineas:
Sure.
Ulrich:
Er.
Are you feeling any better? We really shouldn’t stay here any longer than we need to.
I don’t mean to ALARM you but-
Phineas:
I know.
I feel better but,
Its like things are pulling at me, it makes my head all fuzzy.
He said he made me visible. . . I’m not sure. . .
. . . And he’s wrong anyway. Gideon did tell me about this kind of thing, I just.
It caught me off guard. I’ll be ready next time.
Ulrich:
. . .
Who is Gideon?
Do you mind telling me?
Phineas:
It’s not really a secret or anything.
Gideon’s my teacher.
He’s the only commander alive who’s better at it than me.
Ulrich:
Do you have any idea what he did to upset Hazard so much? Knowing may be helpful to us.
Phineas:
I really don’t.
I mean, everyone’s done stuff they’re not proud of.
But Gideon’s the best person I know.
He’s told me all kinds of stories about all kinds of people, but he’s never said anything about anyone like Hazard before.
MHE – PAGE 172
Ulrich:
He was. . . cold.
Phineas:
Oh man, it must be real bad if you felt it.
Ulrich:
What is that supposed to mean?
Phineas:
Most people domn’t notice auras at all if you feel it too that means he’s like, extra rotten.
It. . . usually means they’ve been. . . damaged somehow.
It’s definitely the worst I’ve ever felt. Everyone says it’s like drowning but I don’t think that’s quite it.
It’s more. . .
Like a void. An absence.
Ulrich:
Delightful.
Truly, you commanders are an endless fount of novelty minutia.
Phineas:
PfffHazard’s not a commander.
Ulrich:
What?
WHAT?
What the HELL?! I don’t understand any of this shit!
Phineas:
He’s a wizard. Way different.
Ulrich:
Every time I feel like I’m getting a handle on things you change the rules!
Phineas:
I know, this stuff looks kinda confusing from the outside huh?
I promise, we’ll sit down and I’ll explain everything once this is all done.
Ulrich:
Assuming, again, that I”ll stay with you after.
BOX:
(Ignoring that)
Phineas:
I should probably tell you now, though. These things bothering me. I think they want me to sleep, they’re trying to wear me down.
I don’t know what for but it’s probably uh. Bad things might happen. If that
Ulrich:
Oh please.
MHE – PAGE 173
Ulrich:
You signed a contract when you beat me before, sunshine.
(Even if it was just a fluke.)
You’re carrying both of our reputations now, you better start acting like it.
Discrediting your own ability discredits mine as well. Don’t insult me.
Phineas:
I never thought about it like that.
Alright. Sorry.
I won’t let us down.
Kid:
Feather lady!
Gloria:
Honey that’s rude.
Kid:
Feathers feathers!
Ellie:
Aww he’s alright.
Is it my ears? I guess they’re sorta feather shaped.
Kid:
Nonono feathers! Not ears!
MHE – PAGE 174
Gloria:
I’m sorry Ellie, I don’t know why he always does that.
Kid:
(Hmph)
Ellie:
I think he’s adorable.
Gloria:
So where’s your pa today? I have the whiskey I promised.
Ellie:
Oh I’m sorry, he’s out for the day.
I sent him into the city to get some things, won’t be back until tomorrow I imagine.
Gloria:
Oh that’s a-
Ahm
That’s a shame.
Ellie:
What’s-
Ray:
Afternoon, angel.
Ellie:
Good afternoon Raymond.
Ray:
Aw where ya goin?
Ha ha ha that’s cold babe!
You know I like it better when you. . .
What is THAT?
Ellie:
What’s what?
MHE – PAGE 175
Ray:
THAT on your BLOUSE!
Ellie:
Oh stop it! My father gave it to me this morning.
N. . . not that it’s any of your business.
Ray:
. . . Oh.
. . . Mmm let’s not start the day off like this.
I just wanted to let you know I forgive you for hitting me yesterday.
I know that commander being here made you nervous.
It doesn’t even hurt anymore! You can stop worrying.
Ellie:
Uh huh.
Ray:
Ahem.
Listen, Elle.
I want you to come with me.
Ellie:
What?
Ray:
Yeah! I’ll get us out of here, you and me, we can make a fresh start someplace else.
We can even get married, once I get enough cash put up!
Ellie:
. . .
Are you insane?
MHE – PAGE 176
Ellie:
That’s. . . we. .
I can’t leave-
Gloria:
— —- —— — — —– –
Ray:
Don’t worry, Hazard won’t even notice! He doesn’t actually care about controllin the town, he just wants the stone!
And you’re not involved in any of that, are you?
Ellie:
M. . my dad, the SHOP, I-
Ray:
Oh stop making excuses!
This DUMP? Are you KIDDING ME?
Old lady:
Hey!
. . .
Ray:
What the-
Old lady:
I’m bout tired’a your shit, boy!
Ray:
Calm down before you stroke out you old hag!
Old lady:
You goddamn sonsa bitches think you run the place! How dare you talk to a lady like that??
What’d you do with all my gunpowder??
Ray:
What the hell are you talking about? Quit hitting me!
Old lady:
MY HUSBAND said a PUNK ASS KID with LONG HAIR
SUNGLASSES
And BIG HAIRY ARMS held up his coach at gunpoint! WHERE’S OUR SHIPMENT??
Ellie:
Long hair and. . .
MHE – PAGE 177
Ray:
Dammit!
I didn’t steal nothin!
Who do you think you’re talking to?!
This ain’t none of your business!
Let’s see how YOU like it!
Ellie:
That’s enough.
Ray:
What’s gotten INTO you??
Ellie:
I’m not gonna sit here and watch this.
Ray:
Sorry Elle but I don’t think YOU’RE-
Ellie:
You’re going to leave now.
Ray:
W-where did that come from?
MHE – PAGE 178
Ray:
Yeah?
Ellie:
Or I’ll make you leave.
Ray:
. . .
That’s your answer then.
Ellie:
Yes, it is.
Ray:
(Heh-heh heh)
Hey alright. I can take a hint.
We had a good run.
I’ll see you around Elle.
Ellie:
(Wheeze)
Old lady:
Hey! Can I get a hand?
Ellie:
Oh! Are you okay?
Old lady:
Why wouldn’t I be??
Bout goddamn time you stood up for yourself, girly.
It ain’t right the way he treats you.
Ellie:
Yeah, well. . .
I’m awful sorry, Gloria. Is he alright?
Gloria:
Just a little rattled I think.
He always gets like this around that boy.
MHE – PAGE 179
Gloria:
Hey come on.
It’s okay now sweetheart.
Ellie:
Would a piece of cake help you feel better?
Kid:
. . . ?
Gloria:
Ha ha ha, there we go.
Ellie:
Lemme go fetch us some.
I might just have a slice my. . .
Ray:
I want you to remember, Ellie. It didn’t need to be this way.
This was your decision.
MHE – PAGE 180
Eisse:
Hey there you are!
Been busy? How’d it go?
Hazard:
. . ..
Eisse:
Uh, dad?
Hazard:
They won’t be bothering us again.
Eisse:
They?
Hazard:
There was, ah. . . someone else, with her. A boy with yellow hair.
Eisse:
. . . He wasn’t wearing a ridiculous mask was he?
Hazard:
Completely Ridiculous.
Eisse:
Ahem. . .
Well they’re both dead now, right?
. . . Riiight?
MHE – PAGE 181
Hazard:
If they aren’t already they will be soon.
Eisse:
Oh my GOD you CAN’T be serious!
Ooh I knew you’d pull something like this!
You had them right in front of you! If you don’t watch someone die they’re not dead.
That’s your rule! What are you doing?
Hazard:
This situation is different.
Eisse:
Of course it is! HOw could it not be?!
She’s Gideon’s pet and your freakish obsession is making you
Hazard:
I suggest
You do not complete that statement.
Eisse:
S. . . sorry. But-
Hazard:
. . . Perhaps I’ve lived too long. My perspective may be. . .
Archaic.
But it seems to me you kids are terribly presumptuous.
You are tiny, and you’re interfering with machinery incomprehensibly huge.
Assuming the brilliance of a star seems wondrous while you’re looking up at one with your feet covered in dust.
No one ever seems to remember how stars die until they’ve risen too high to stop themselves.
Eisse:
(Here we go.)
MHE – PAGE 182
Hazard:
Commanders. . .
. . . Are a cancer. Left alone they consume anything they touch.
They latch onto whatever they can get their filthy claws in and they never let go.
When they finally collapse – and they all do collapse – they take everything down with them. Everyone.
The higher they’ve ascended, the wider their fallout.
If little Phineas is a commander and a sun chaser, her potential is absolutely titanic.
She’s already monstrously strong for how long she’s actually been practicing.
Unchecked, I’m not sure this world could handle it when she goes.
That is not a chance we can afford to take
Eisse:
So WHY didn’t you take her head when you had the chance?
Hazard:
Don’t interrupt me, darling.
By nature, commanders have complete control over their physical beings.
With enough focus they can adjust their body’s reactions, their own metabolism, to adapt to nearly any condition.
They can purify themselves of toxins, redirect their nerve impulses, even slow their bloodflow long enough to survive a mortal wound.
It requires a massive amount of energy, but while the will to live is powerful enough the body will almost always obey.
This suggests invincibility, but the weakness is deceptively simple.
You don’t break the body.
You break the heart.
MHE – PAGE 183
Hazard:
While her death in the mines would be ideal, it’s more important that she simply remain there long enough for the Tain to affect her.
This will likely frighten away her accomplice as well.
Whatever she projects, there’s still uncertainty in her, I suspect because she’s on her own.
Alone, a star does not constitute a solar system. Commanders tend to crave companionship.
They often have a. . . an innate gravity, which makes them. . . hard to refuse.
But Phineas doesn’t seem to be using hers to coerce the boy, for some reason.
In any case, her skin isn’t thickened yet. His rejection, along with the realization that she’s in far over her head, ought to be enough to surface her doubts.
Should she somehow make it this far, I’ll be able to finish her off.
Now.
Does that sufficiently answer your question, dearheart?
Eisse:
I guess.
Were the dramatics necessary?
Hazard:
You should give me more credit. I’ve been. . . what word did you so tactfully employ?
I’ve been obsessed with these demons for a very long time.
I’m quite familiar with the process of their destruction.
Eisse:
. . .
Daddy are you al-
Hazard:
Do me a favor, Eisse, and keep an eye on things for an hour or so?
I need to. . .
. . .
Eisse:
Sure.
MHE – PAGE 184
Eisse:
SIGH
Jeez.
Hazard:
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
Ah-
-ahaha. . .
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAHAHA
MHE – PAGE 185
Helpful Citizen:
Naw, ain’t no use.
Even if we had the manpower it wouldn’t do no good.
Got no water and no way to use it anyhow.
Just try’n get everyone evacuated fore it spreads too much, I suppose.
Be an awful shame if someone died cause’a that boy’s bullshit.
Ellie:
?
Oh-!
Sergei:
MHE – PAGE 186
Sergei:
<Ah, is so silly, you know? Why would they build a. . . >
Ellie:
D A D
sorry it wasn’t- wasn’t supposed to happen like this.>
Sergei:
my daughter first, my sweet Ellia.>
Ellie:
. . .
(Snff)
Sergei:
Ellie:
I will.
MHE – PAGE 187
Citizen A:
Ellie?
Citizen B:
(Uh)
Hey wait!
Citizen C:
Don’t get so close!
Ellie:
LISTEN!
I need all of you to stay back!
PLEASE DON’T INTERFERE!
MHE – PAGE 188
Crowd:
STOP!
What the hell is she doing?!
MHE – PAGE 189
SCROLL:
Should the sun to darkness turn
Should hearts with fear begin to burn
With elder will I’ll mine enwrite
MHE – PAGE 190
Kid:
(Hee! Hee! Hee!)
Ellie:
All will be well! Don’t despair!
CARD:
ELLIE
HASTUR’S EMISSARY
Blazing Guardian
Rank ★★★, Single Division
SCROLL:
Come scarlet skies
We’ll bring the light
Ellie:
Keep your eyes skyward!
MHE – PAGE 191
CHAPTER 8
BAD DOG
MHE – PAGE 192
Ulrich:
(Ah!)
Phineas:
What what??
Ulrich:
Mm! It’s nothing. My-my foot cramped up.
Can we go yet? It’s difficult to keep time down here. I feel like we’ve been sitting for ages.
Phineas:
How’s that smoky stuff looking?
Ulrich:
It’s, uh. . .
It’s still.
Phineas:
Still what?
Ulrich:
No I mean it’s just. . . sitting there. It’s not moving at all anymore.
Phineas:
Do you reckon they’re asleep?
Ulrich:
If you don’t know that I sure as hell don’t.
Phineas:
Well I’m feeling pretty good now, anyway!
Let’s get out of here so
MHE – PAGE 193
Ulrich:
What’s happening?!
Phineas:
. . .
Huh.
Ulrich:
Where is he?
Phineas:
They ran.
Ulrich:
Oh.
Phineas:
Looks like a way out though!
Look how bright it is out there!
Ulrich:
Slow down! They might be waiting to. . .
(Sigh. . .)
What do you see out there?
Phineas:
No people out here, but I think these are your guns!
Ulrich:
DO NOT TOUCH
Phineas:
There’s a note too.
Ulrich:
Meine lieblinge! Did they hurt you?
Phineas:
Let’s see:
“Head right to find the exit. Do not leave before sealing this wall. -C.”
C? Who’s-
Ulrich:
Considering I’ve just become armed, I suggest you choose your words very carefully.
Phineas:
I didn’t say nothin’.
MHE – PAGE 194
Ulrich:
Come along.
Phineas:
Wait a sec, Constance said we need to close this up before we leave!
Ulrich:
If it’s so important he should have stayed to do it himself. I’m not cleaning up his mess.
Phineas:
I dunno, he underlined it like four times.
It seems like it might be kinda important.
Ulrich:
What do you suggest then?
He just blew the damn wall apart, there’s nothing to close it with!
Phineas:
I could move this thing I bet.
Ulrich:
There’s no way you could move this thing Phineas.
Phineas:
I’m gonna move this thing.
Go stand over there.
Ulrich:
Please!
You couldn’t even stand up a few minutes ago!
Phineas:
Yeah well
I’m feelin’ real good now.
Ulrich:
Didn’t you try commanding earlier and it didn’t work?
What about-
MHE – PAGE 195
Phineas:
Come on you big bastard
MOVE IT!
Ulrich:
Good god.
Phineas:
Ah, yes, though I know it must seem that way sometimes, be assured I’m but a humble human~
Ulrich:
I’m horrified at the sight of all this strength in the hands of a complete moron like yourself.
This world is doomed.
Phineas:
Aw admit it, I’m super cool
Ulrich:
(Heh)
Phineas:
(Don’t be mean!)
Ulrich:
That was still stupid of him. What if you WERENT a total monstrosity?
Phineas:
I’m surprised he even came down here all by himself.
This place feels all kinds of wrong, wrong enough that the workers feel it the way you felt Hazard before. . . even the light is. . . it’s squirming.
Ulrich:
What does that mean to us lowly mortals, oh enlightened one?
Phineas:
. . .
Know how I said the ground has a heartbeat?
Even from down here it should flow in the same directions, it’s usually really predictable. But. . .
It feels like we’re inside the heart. It’s pulsing all around us.
I think it knows we’re here.
MHE – PAGE 196
Ulrich:
Ach, See? What a waste.
Why would they abandon all this after going to the trouble of digging it out? It’s valuable.
There’s probably thousands just rotting away in this cart.
Phineas:
Yeah it’s, uh. . .
Tain:
(Found you)
Phineas:
. . . Uh oh.
Ulrich:
Uh oh? Uh oh wha. . .
Phineas, what. . .
!
Your shadow-!
Phineas:
We gotta go.
MHE – PAGE 197
Ulrich:
Phineas what IS THAT?!
Is this what you were. . . Why can I SEE it now??
Phineas:
Come ON!
ULRICH MOVE YOUR FEET!
Ulrich:
The w. . .
The walls are changing. . .
Phineas:
Ignore it!
Just go!
Tain:
(false false false false)
Ulrich:
Oh WHAT is that NOISE?
Tain:
XXXXX
Ulrich:
Are those words??
IT BURNS!
IT’S IN MY HEAD!!
Phineas:
It’s NOT.
MHE – PAGE 198
Phineas:
They’re trying to trick you because you’re a threat, they need you to panic.
I won’t let these things take you, pull yourself together.
You got this. Focus on me, focus on what’s in front of you. Talk to me Ulrich.
Ulrich:
U-uh looks like an opening, over there?
The other s-side of the chamber!
It-it’s far away but if we hurry maybe we can. . .
MHE – PAGE 199
Ulrich:
See there? That must be. . .
Phineas-?
Oh SHIT.
God DAMN it.
You fucking idiot!
S-stop!
STOP IT!
Get away!
MHE – PAGE 200
Ulrich:
. . .
Wh. . .
What am I supposed to. . .
Tain:
(Heh Hehe Heh)
(HAAAAAAAA)
MHE – PAGE 201
Tain:
RUN
BOY!!
RUN!!
Ulrich:
Gh!
Tain:
(Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!)
MHE – PAGE 202
Ulrich:
I’m sorry!
I’M SORRY!
I don’t even know you!
It’s not my fault you’re stupid enough-!
I shouldn’t even BE here! This isn’t what I – !
I’m sorry but I. . . I TOLD you. . .
Bel:
Oh, you’re hopeless.
You’re just too good for all this, Weiss.
I can tell.
(Hmm – hmm)
You can’t bullshit a bullshitter.
Ulrich:
You knew!
I told you – !
I TOLD YOU! I’M NOT – !
MHE – PAGE 203
Tain:
(AIIIIIEEEEE!!!)
Ulrich:
Hand off.
I saw her first.
MHE – PAGE 204
Tain:
(SKREEEEE!!)
Ulrich:
Oooh nononono hey hey
Don’t pull this shit Kidd, come ON.
I came BACK for you, you can’t be –
MHE – PAGE 205
Ulrich:
. . .
(Th – there’s no. . . )
Are you kidding me?!
Tain:
(. . . ?)
(. . . FALSE. . ?)
(FALSE!!)
(FALSE LIIIGHT!!!)
Ulrich:
(Tch)
NO.
You’re not getting away so easily.
I will be god DAMNED if EITHER of us is going to die down here in the dark!
I’ve been looking for TOO LONG to lose you here like this!
I won’t accept it!
Phineas:
(. . God damned. . . )
MHE – PAGE 206
Tain:
(HAAAAAAAA)
!!
MHE – PAGE 207
Tain:
(Hush now)
MHE – PAGE 208
Gideon:
Hey hey hey. Don’t cry. You’re here you’re back, you’re okay.
It’s alright if you can’t talk yet, gimme your fingers. Just count for a sec.
You did real good. I’m impressed!
Phineas:
Bit I – I threw up on the rug!
Gideon:
Aw that’s fine, some people lose like, whole fingers and toes and stuff. Just your lunch ain’t so bad. And now you know what to expect for the next time.
You’ll be able to handle it no sweat.
Phineas:
Next time?
Gideon:
Got nothin’ to be scared of, Little Rooster. You know what they feel like now, but you know what you feel like now, too.
Just hang on reeeal tight to the you and nothing can touch ya.
Long as you do that. . .
MHE – PAGE 209
Gideon:
You’ll never have to be scared of anything.
Phineas:
This again.
Starstone:
Pathetic!
You, who call yourself a commander of the universe.
What worth is your will if your own words won’t obey you?
MHE – PAGE 210
Starstone:
Your defiant look is ill-suited for one so weak.
I tire of it. Act or die.
Phineas:
I’ve. . . been
Here, before.
Starstone:
If you have passed here before you were not worth my notice. I do not recognize you, tiny commander.
Phineas:
I’ve DEFINITELY been here.
Starstone:
Then I have forgotten.
Phineas:
Not me.
MHE – PAGE 211
Phineas:
Wh. . .
(Ahm)
Where are you? Who am I talking to?
Are you this light, here?
Starstone:
How rude. Unsurprising.
If this is too difficult for you to handle. . .
Do you find this form
More acceptable?
Phineas:
Are you-
You’re-
You’re that big starstone outside, aren’t you?
Starstone:
That is, in fact, the uninspired title you have assigned us, yes.
Phineas:
But you’re. . . Sentient. . ?
Starstone:
Splintering a consciousness does not kill it.
Our lives burned bright long before humans’ did, and will continue to do so after you’ve gone, whatever you try to do to us in the interim.
MHE – PAGE 212
Starstone:
Though, due to my size, I’m quite rare.
You should be honored by the chance to speak with me.
Phineas:
But we, if you
We use starstone for energy, does it. . . does it hurt you?
Phineas:
Right now, there are billions of living things inside you, feeding off of your body.
Do you notice them?
Phineas:
What does that-
Ugh, no, I don’t.
Starstone:
Why?
Phineas:
They’re tiny! They don’t ma-
. . .
No. I don’t notice them.
Starstone:
So.
Phineas:
If I’m so small then why did you call me here?
What do you want from me?
Starstone:
As if YOU could offer ME anything. . .
MHE – PAGE 213
Starstone:
You insult me! As if I’d waste the effort to summon an insect such as yourself!
Your hold on your spirit is so weak you were drawn here only by my presence.
YOU came to ME.
Phineas:
That’s why
The stone, of course commanding doesn’t work right down here.
Starstone:
Because of the interference of the humans here, my siblings and I have awakened and begun to reclaim this place, infusing even the red soil with our essence.
Every particle in the air, every vein in the earth around you, each pulls your errant soul in a different direction.
It is in the nature of celestial bodies to pull towards each other, even while we are. . . displaced. We are avaricious by design, as you’ve undoubtedly learned.
On the surface, where we are fractured and tempered and nearer the sky, you hardly notice us…
But you, here. .
A creature so unrestrainedly steeped in the chaos raging between the turning earth and the surging sun that you yourself shine.
Assailed from every side by beings who are starved desperate for a light just like yours. . .
Oh, Phineas.
You must be so tired.
Your heart should have burst the moment you entered my chamber.
Phineas:
My heart’s doin’ just fine, thanks.
MHE – PAGE 214
Phineas:
That explains why I could, ah, in the. . . hallway. . .
That was your light I felt, you overrode everything else long enough for me to. . . ! Can’t remember
Starstone:
You will look at me when you address me, commander.
Phineas:
Oh why, so you can-
Starstone:
You carry something on your back I don’t recognize. Show it to me.
Phineas:
What- you don’t RECOGNIZE-
Starstone:
Are you ashamed?
Phineas:
No. Never.
Starstone:
Then show it to me. I’ll accept it as an offering of gratitude for allowing you to live so far.
Phineas:
I ain’t thanking you for anything.
But I think I will show it to you, because I want you to understand exactly who you’re dealing with.
Get a good look.
I want you to remember this.
MHE – PAGE 215
Starstone:
A sun’s claim, undoubtedly, but. . .
What sun is this that owns you?
Phineas:
None.
It’s MY mark, I don’t belong to anything.
This was Gideon’s symbol and now it’s mine. Not hard to grasp, is it?
Starstone:
Crow Gideon?
Phineas:
What, you remembered HIM? A human, even?
Starstone:
The keeper has proven himself a titan among termites.
Particularly to me and my siblings.
But even apart from that history, stars always recognize their own.
That you’re unaware of Crow Gideon’s significance shows how much YOU lock.
Phineas:
You ‘bout done staring?
Starstone:
A flickering in your confidence? Have you since had
Second thoughts?
Phineas:
Of course not. I just. . .
You can’t usually see it like this.
The other one, either.
Starstone:
Typical. Your species is so short-sighted.
You consider the subjective vanity of a mark before objective significance.
Phineas:
(Oh please)
Starstone:
A scar is only proof of what you’re capable of surviving.
Phineas:
Don’t talk at me about scars.
Starstone:
A mark like that is not so easily won.
Few who challenge the sun escape as whole as you are, if they escape at all.
Surely, luck favors you.
Phineas:
!
Oh SHIT.
ULRICH.
MHE – PAGE 216
Phineas:
I had a friend with me is he here did he
Starstone:
The other’s soul is still quite firmly rooted in his vessel and won’t be taken by such measures.
A security you, in your ignorance, have exchanged for your blasphemous ability.
Phineas:
By where. . .
Where. . . I can’t. . ?
Starstone:
I suggest you focus on the present.
Don’t worry.
Converse with me yet.
Phineas:
What were. . .
What were we. . . talking about?
Starstone:
I’ve gathered you intend to steal away my sibling, who powers the derelict’s ship.
Phineas:
More code talk? Why don’t you just call him Hazard?
Starstone:
A mask worn doesn’t change the face underneath. Neither, then, does a false name change an identity.
Phineas:
Right.
How long’s it been since someone kicked your ass?
Like an honest-to-god life altering ass kicking.
Starstone:
A ship’s heart isn’t as strong as I am, or course, but it’s still enough to kill a commander much your senior, if it wishes.
Though, judging by our communications this stone is. . . different.
It says such ridiculous things.
It has lived too long as a satellite, perhaps. Its mind is gone.
Phineas:
Well I can handle it, no problem.
Starstone:
Can you?
MHE – PAGE 217
Phineas:
I gotta be, a starstone ship is the only way I can get through Kairos Crossing.
Starstone:
Kairos Crossing? What business could YOU POSSIBLY have there?
Phineas:
I’m gonna take the sun.
Starstone:
(HA!)
(HA! HA! HA! HA!)
Phineas:
Ah-! S-stop it!
Stop!
Starstone:
What?!
After that threat you have the nerve to cower in front of me??
Hold your head up commander!
The title is wasted on you!
The smallest burst of spirit is enough to take you to your knees, you’re not fit to command anything!
You cheated destruction once only to leap back into it! How stupid can one human be?
Your arrogance is boundless, it is offensive in its disproportion!
MHE – PAGE 218
Phineas:
I AM arrogant
Because I’m BETTER!
Don’t you DARE talk down to me.
I want the sun,
I want everything that comes with it,
If I have to command an entire god damned fleet of ships to do it then that’s what I’ll do.
I don’t know WHAT gave you assholes the idea that you get to call the shots around here, but-
-that’s all gonna change real soon.
You listen to me!
You and all the rest of your bullshit pantheon, whatever’s out there that thinks they got a right to tell ME I don’t MATTER!
I’m coming for you.
I’m gonna hang up new stars and they’ll shine brighter than you ever did.
Any of you wanna cross me I’ll rip you right out of the sky.
I’ll smash you to dust and your dying light will mark my path across the clouds.
You’ll be constellations in MY system.
MHE – PAGE 219
Phineas:
Your alignment with me is your choice, but if I have to start by making you bow to me right here I will.
Do we understand each other better now? You done playing games?
Starstone:
. . .
Phineas:
SPEAK!
Starstone:
. . . You would have me. . . announce you.
You wish to. . . focus the eyes of heaven upon. . . yourself.
If the coup is truly your intent, you must know. . . in your heart, that. . .
Those you invoke are already aware of. . . you.
They have heard your protests.
They do not care.
Phineas:
Neither do I. This isn’t me asking for their validation.
It’s a declaration of war. If they wanna ignore me they can pay for it later.
This is already more mercy than you things deserve.
So we gonna go a round or what?
I got things to do.
Starstone:
. . .
MHE – PAGE 220
Starstone:
(!!)
(!!!!!!!!!)
If you really believe that
You and I are equals.
I could help you out of your current predicament, if you wish.
Phineas:
What are you talking about?
Starstone:
Time runs. . . truer, here.
Slowly, to you.
But in your world, currently. . .
Your physical manifestation is comatose, and under siege.
Your companion is trying to carry you to safety, but. . .
His current ability is not enough to defend against the underlings.
Phineas:
. . .
Starstone:
You’ll both be overtaken soon.
Phineas:
SEND me BACK!!
NOW!!
Starstone:
I already told youuuu. . .
MHE – PAGE 221
Starstone:
Nothing’s keeping you here but your own inability to escape my gravity.
Simply manifesting yourself here and speaking with me is draining your energy.
I am draining your energy, just being near to you.
Even you can’t hold out indefinitely.
If you don’t find your way out soon, you’ll drift off. . .
And I. . .
Will eat up
Everything that’s left of you.
Would-be god.
Phineas:
Well, what? You’re made of light too.
Why don’t those things come after you?
Starstone:
Even creatures as wild as the Tain are not stupid enough to attack their own.
MHE – PAGE 222
Phineas:
Their own-?
What?
Starstone:
If a light lives,
Should not the shadow it casts?
Phineas:
W. . .
Wait so, those monsters and YOU are. . .
You’re wasting my time.
You’re trying to distract me again.
Starstone:
Ooh, finally the human catches up.
Although,
Nothing I’ve said is untrue. This information could prove useful to
Phineas:
Oh my GOD
SHUT UP!
. . .
I commanded you earlier, before they started chasing us.
If you energy’s what’s creating them then I can use it against them, too.
I’ll use YOU to get us out of here.
Starstone:
Do as you like, if you’re able.
MHE – PAGE 223
Starstone:
It should be no problem for someone as strong as you act.
Phineas:
Watch it.
Starstone:
I doubt you’ve ever had to channel something as powerful as me.
And so close to the source, besides.
I hope for your sake you have a strong enough spirit to match that brass mouth of yours.
If you fail to harness it properly, that amount of energy will rebound with enough force to rip you apart from the inside.
And that will be the end of you.
Phineas:
That’s nothing new
Starstone:
You know, this is a terrible risk to take for the sake of someone so much less valuable than yourself.
If you were to allow the Tain to take him, you might-
Phineas:
We go together or we don’t go.
I’m out of stuff to say to you.
Let’s get this show on the road.
MHE – PAGE 224
Starstone:
(At your command, then.)
Phineas:
(Yes)
You are
MHE – PAGE 225
CHAPTER 9
THE GOD WHO SMILES
MHE – PAGE 226
Hat Bunny:
Hey.
We forgot to tell her earlier.
MHE – PAGE 227
Ulrich:
We died didn’t we. . ?
We’re dead. I’m dead.
Hat Bunny:
It’s an instrument.
It’s a whistle.
Make sure you tell her, you’ll need it.
Ulrich:
Herrgott, just leave me alone. Right thing, wrong thing, I’m useless anyway. Their faith was misplaced. I’m tired of letting people down.
This is hell and it’s where I belong. I can’t be a disappointment here, at least.
Can’t I sleep now? Please?
Hat Bunny:
‘Fraid not, pal
There’s work to do.
And don’t kid yourself.
This ain’t hell.
You can still feel the sun, can’t you?
Ulrich:
Phineas? You’re-?
Phineas:
Are you alright?
MHE – PAGE 228
Ulrich:
F. . . I’m fine. Fine.
Phineas:
Good.
Ulrich:
Ph-Phineas-
Phineas:
You wanna see something neat?
MHE – PAGE 229
(No dialogue)
MHE – PAGE 230
Gideon:
This is important, so I’m gonna break it down real simple.
Tangible imagery helps. You could think of it like. . .
Energy’s like water.
It’s this flow that’s way, WAY bigger’n you are, and you’re getting all caught up.
You work together, sync up your rhythms. You don’t subdue the sea, you just steer your ship.
You’re borrowing the momentum of the universe to help yourself.
MHE – PAGE 231
Gideon:
Don’t let it push you around, but respect it too, you know?
The whole reason you can do this at ALL is because you and it are made of the same stuff.
You gotta remember you’re just a tiny little piece, but the entire structure is made of tiny pieces exactly like you.
You’re a drop in the ocean and the god who made the ocean all at the same time.
By using your opponent’s energy against them and adding it to your own, you shift between these different states.
Commanding is a perfect understanding of your place in the universe.
But it’s also a furious dispute of that place.
Because you can see that the sun is only sawdust, and your bones hold as much potential as the brightest galaxies.
You’re nothing but you’re meant for everything.
MHE – PAGE 232
Gideon:
I’m not just being poetic. A commander has to fragment themself to exist in all the planes necessary to command.
Your head, your heart, and your hands are all their own pieces now.
The bonds that hold those things together were burned up when you got that scar on your back.
Your mind is what directs your will.
Your soul is the energy that powers that will.
Your body is the physical manifestation of your will in the world.
And the part of you that channels other energies.
Unbound, each part of you is stronger. But now you have to work, constantly, to hold yourself together.
It’s going to hurt.
That’s where the stigma comes from, people think we’re monsters who traded our souls away. Turned them into weapons.
But that’s ALL wrong.
All wrong.
MHE – PAGE 233
Gideon:
It’s so backwards, right?
How could you lack empathy when you’re so sensitive to your heart’s, any heart’s rhythm-
How could they think I feel things less deeply, when I can recognize my lover only by the pattern of their pulse?
We’re more aware of the shape of our souls than they’ll ever be.
And we’re truer to that shape too. We have to be.
Even though they’re moving separately, all three pieces gotta be lined up exactly for other energy to flow through.
You have to be totally committed, a thousand percent, on every level of your being to this thing you’re after.
That’s your tether, it’s the core the rest of you revolves around.
You become the contradiction yourself.
You are your ambitions given form.
MHE – PAGE 234
Tain:
!!!
Gideon:
After you get this part down, though, everything else is easy. It’s just orders of magnitude, is all.
You can do anything you want to.
You can bend without breaking, you can give yourself over entirely to this force infinitely bigger than you without losing yourself inside it.
You know you’re human but believe yourself god.
You hold it tightly enough to let it slip through your fingers.
MHE – PAGE 235
Gideon:
The price of autonomy is personal responsibility.
If no god commands you then every failure is your own fault.
Running full tilt means there’s no room for error.
Taking your eyes off the goal, any doubt will divert all that momentum and drive you straight into the ground.
Your faith’s gotta be unshakable.
Ulrich:
—— —- – – – —– –
!!!!!!
Gideon:
But that’s not hard.
Ulrich:
!!
Gideon:
You also know you have the power to make yourself.
The shadow is only as long as its light is bright.
If we create our own darkness,
We can beat it!
Every time.
There’s a euphoria equal to the abyss.
Yeah?
MHE – PAGE 236
Tain:
!!!!
Gideon:
You are exactly as strong as your worst fears, even stronger because you carry them.
With faith like that
We can’t lose.
Phineas:
(h.. Hee hee)
MHE – PAGE 237
Ulrich:
(Euuugh)
You lunatic.
Phineas:
(HEE! HEE! HEE! HEE!)
Ulrich:
Would you mind warning me next time you’re-
Phineas:
(Pffhaha ha ha!)
Ulrich:
What’s funny?
Is it over? Are we done?
(Where is my hat?)
Phineas:
(HEEHEE!)
What?
DONE?
Look at me! Look what I DID!
Ulrich:
Yes, I was there. I don’t know what YOU think that was. . .
But what I saw was not good. You hurt yourself more than they did.
If I hadn’t stopped you you would have
Phineas:
NO
NO you have NO IDEA what this is like!!
We could do SO MUCH.
We could
What if we just-
What if I just. . .
. . . kept it?
MHE – PAGE 238
Starstone:
Oh, and you were doing so well.
What a shame.
Ulrich:
Ah, here we are.
Listen, I know. . .
. . . I’m still missing a few of the finer details,
But we. . . I need you to explain this technique to me a little more. I’m not understanding.
This can’t be sustainable. Strength in exchange for your sense is a useless gain.
I. . .
Are you alright?
Tain-eas:
I feel so
(ALIVE)
Ulrich:
. . . Phineas look at me.
Tain-eas:
You want
A lesson in commanding?
MHE – PAGE 239
CARD:
THE TAIN
Endless, elder
Black sun in scarlet sky
Tain-eas:
(HEE)
Ulrich:
Shit
Tain-eas:
Here’s one for you.
Haha! Fool us once!
That ain’t gonna work this time!
MHE – PAGE 240
Tain-eas:
(WHAT?!)
Ulrich:
Hm.
Well! Now that THAT’S taken care of, I’d like to. . .
MHE – PAGE 241
Ulrich:
(!)
(. . . Those marks. . . )
(Those marks on her hands, on her back-)
(It’s not a target,)
(They’re not suns-)
(They’re)
(EYES)
Tain-eas:
(Ha ha ha ha!)
Oooh yessss!
And if the eyes are windows to the soul – !
Ulrich:
The’re doors!
Tain-eas:
Clever boy!
You’re comin’ in loud and clear, by the by.
That mask won’t do you a lick of good with us.
Ulrich:
I’m. . . not speaking with Phineas Kidd, am I?
Tain-eas:
Phineas has stepped out.
MHE – PAGE 242
Tain-eas:
For now, and for the foreseeable future, it’ll just be us, Ulrich.
Lucky for you our commander here got kinda sloppy.
Your gamble that excess star energy lingered on you when you and Phineas touched paid off.
But you know it’s not gonna last, and you have no tricks left to save you once it’s gone.
And thenn~
We’re going to tear those keen eyes right out of your head,
We’re gonna rip that tricky tricky voice out through your throat and add it to ours.
We’re gonna take you for everything you got and there’s not a god damn thing you can do to stop us.
Ulrich:
Right, so, I am addressing the monster currently. For sure.
Tain-eas:
Oh, you wound us.
Ulrich:
Let’s take this opportunity to chat before you render me speechless, hmm?
Tain-eas:
Tryin’ to find an advantage uhu, keep us talking? Don’t matter much at this point.
But hey! Why not! We’re just waiting on that shield to fizzle out. Whatcha wanna say?
Ulrich:
First.
I do not appreciate the way you manipulated me earlier.
Tain-eas:
That fear was allll you smart guy.
MHE – PAGE 243
Tain-eas:
We’re voidstuff, the universe’s clean-up crew. For every star crankin’ out energy we’re eatin’ it back up, somewhere.
We only take, we can’t give. Anything you felt was already inside you before we showed up, we just. . . pulled your curtain back some.
Oh, the Cheshire cat’s so afraid. . .
Ulrich:
(Cheshire??)
Tain-eas:
Of so many many things. . .
We could feed off your tension for a long time.
Mmmmmmbut fear is an unrefined emotion, it needs a catalyst before it turns to anything, mm – ! Tasty.
And oh!
Oh you’re not nearly as afraid as SHE is GREEDY!
Commanders just have so much more MEAT on them!
The avarice, the rage in this one’s heart writhes, it aches into the horizon like a blazing sea, it just keeps going.
She is ALIVE!
She WANTS!
We’ve never SEEN a human with such furious light! Nobody orders around a star the way she just did.
And she knows it! She knows it’s pointless to fight what she is so she USES it instead. She’s a powerhouse all on her own!
But losing the handle on it’s easy to do and hard to fix! Once she let go of herself in favor of something else, well THIS was to be expected.
She stuck her head out the door, all we had to do was nudge her a little bit, hahaha!
Yesss, these remains should be more than enough to allow us to take our place under the sun.
Finally.
Finally.
MHE – PAGE 244
Ulrich:
Remains.
Tain-eas:
Mmmher body’s given’ us an anchor here, her spirit’s just channeling power for us now. Battery and conduit.
Batteries don’t need to think. We took the light and trashed the rest.
She’s toast. Rough luck, buddy.
Ulrich:
I don’t buy that for a second.
Tain-eas:
No?
Ulrich:
I think we both know Phineas wouldn’t go so quietly.
Tain-eas:
Do we?
Do we know that?
Well!
We’ve been getting flashes from you here and there, but you’ve made us curious.
You’re awful calm. We wanna know what you’re hiding.
Let’s find out what we both know.
Let’s reeeeally get to know you, Ulrich Weiss.
Ulrich:
I’d prefer not-
. . . !
Tain-eas:
Hoooo boy, when was the last time you cleaned this place out? You’ve got all kinds of old traps built up in here.
This would hurt a lot less if you’d cooperate.
MHE – PAGE 245
Tain-eas:
Same outcome either way.
We got us a real good picture now.
Ulrich:
Hah-
What the FUCK did you-
Tain-eas:
God DAMN! And WHAT a picture it is!
We’ve been around a LONG time, We’ve seen a lotta things!
We gotta say, kid, this setup you’ve got goin’ here? It’s POETRY, You’re an ARTIST, you’re a GENIUS!
Man! No WONDER you’re so slick! You’ve been practicing.
You haven’t stopped playing a part in years. Is there even a person in there anymore?
We had you all wrong! We thought you wanted to save her so SHE could save YOU, but you’re no COWARD.
You’re a TACTICIAN!
You’re playing chess and she’s your queen.
You can’t AFFORD to lose her!
Ulrich:
. . . That’s right.
Tain-eas:
This game’s put you through the wringer, too.
What a pisser, dying such a useless death after coming all that way.
What would your mistress think if she saw you now?
You’re not much of a knight.
Ulrich:
Ach
Yes, well.
She’s not much of a mistress, either.
MHE – PAGE 246
Tain-eas:
You’re running out of tiiiime, Cheshire~!
And your plan stinks.
We know. We checked.
Ulrich:
I dispelled you once, e-earlier, I can
Tain-eas:
Naah hold on
Let’s stop you right there.
THAT little misstep had NOTHING to do with you. Wanna know what that was?
Compared to Phineas? YOU’RE so insignificant we didn’t even notice you were THERE.
You surprised us. That’s all
We’ll give it to ya, smooth operator.
Your words are sharp, you have conviction. But you got about as much spiritual clout as the rubber in your shoes.
A worm with conviction tramples the same either way. You can’t touch us.
Ulrich:
. . . I dont need to.
Alright Phineas.
I’m biting, hear me? I believe you. I’ll play.
You said I’m a beacon, I’m a break in the static.
Blue stuff, crazy stuff. So you command, so it must be, you insane son of a bitch.
Tain-eas:
Desperate’s an ugly color on you.
MHE – PAGE 247
Ulrich:
It’s true I’m not one for ethereal matters. But you said intent is powerful, words are powerful.
And those are weapons I CAN work with. That’s a fight I can always win.
I know you’re still in there.
Wherever you are, it’s time to come back.
Wake up.
Tain-eas:
We told you, there’s nothing to wake.
Ulrich:
I’ll stay right here, if this is all I can do then I’ll keep casting this out until you can get back. We’re leaving together.
Tain-eas:
You gonna shoot your friend now?
Ulrich:
This is nothing, sunshine. I watched you come back from the dead just now. You demanded beats from your heart and destroyed this thing once already!
Tain-eas:
Ohhh, we get it.
You’re throwin’ a fit cause someone ELSE is playing with your TOY!
Ulrich:
Ahm
Phineas-
Tain-eas:
I saw everything in HER head TOO you know.
You got alllll these big plans for Phin here, you know what SHE thought of YOU?
Ulrich:
WAKE UP.
Tain-eas:
She trusted you, completely. She’dve died for you. We don’t know what she saw in you-
We don’t think she understood why, she just knew.
This girl, this cosmic force INFINITELY more important than you,
She believed in you.
Ulrich:
. . .
MHE – PAGE 248
Tain-eas:
You can’t BUY that kind of loyalty! You won the lottery!
EMPIRES have gone under trying to gain capricious stars’ love! And YOU-
You were gonna throw it RIGHT back in her face!
It would tear her apart, hee! We’re doing you a favor killing you ourselves.
Cause think, clever boy, commanders don’t ever just roll over and die
Hehe, what would be left for her to do. . .
But turn all that hurt back on YOU.
Ulrich:
(-!)
Tain-eas:
Oh, a shift? You’re pleased?
Ulrich:
Why wouldn’t I be?
My plans are all coming along smoothly.
Tain-eas:
Oh, that’s cold!
Ulrich:
Warmth is not good business.
And you’re in the unique position of knowing exactly how far I’m willing to go to ensure my business is good.
Tain-eas:
Mmyesss~
That we are! And you called US monsters.
At least-
MHE – PAGE 249
Tain-eas:
(YAY!)
Really?
Ulrich:
W-we don’t-
Wait-
Tain-eas:
Aw we KNOW that ain’t all the fight you got in you boy!
STAND UP!!
Ulrich:
GH!
MHE – PAGE 250
Tain-eas:
There we go, hey! Lookit you!
Give us another, this commanding stuff feels GREAT.
Ulrich:
Phineas please we’re out of time!
Tain-eas:
Ahh, man, you’re such a killjoy.
Whatever!
If you reeeeally don’t wanna play anymore. . .
We can go ahead an’ wrap this up.
Ulrich:
C. . . can’t-
I can’t – !
It- it’s a trick!
IT’S NOT REAL.
Tain-eas:
Hahaha, “A” for effort, kiddo.
But don’t worry, you’ll do better with us anyway.
You were never s’posed to be one of the good guys.
MHE – PAGE 251
Tain-eas:
Just need one last thing before you’re dismissed.
Ulrich:
. . .
Tain-eas:
Closing statement? While you still got the equipment?
Ulrich:
. . . Most of my forward teeth are porcelain.
My real teeth had to be surgically extracted from the right hand of the woman who beat them out of me.
The wound infected, the blight took her ring finger.
While I am known for my smile.
Tain-eas:
Yeah, we know. So?
Ulrich:
You do.
You’ve seen everything there is of me.
You’ve seen all of Phineas.
And still you underestimate us both.
You are offensively stupid.
My friend is on her way. She is going to kill you.
That is a fact, regardless of what state I am in when she arrives.
Tain-eas:
We almost think you believe that.
Ulrich:
(GH!!)
Tain-eas:
Easy big guy.
Ooh
It stings.
Never caught a false teller before.
Feels. . . artificial, kinda.
MHE – PAGE 252
Tain-eas:
Well, even YOUR stunted excuse for a spirit isn’t worthless.
We’ll find some use for you.
Phineas:
. . .
. . .
Tain-eas:
Good chatting with you Ulrich!
Phineas:
. . . Mine. . .
Tain-eas:
But we’re. . .
. . . Uh?
. . . What?
What are you looking at?
Phineas:
Mine
Tain-eas:
!!
Phineas:
MINE
MINE
MHE – PAGE 253
Tain-eas:
S. . . SUNLIGHT??
HOW?!
Phineas:
YOU WANT
TO PLAY
GOD?!
Mana:
. . .It’s alright to look.
You can’t go blind again.
Speaking of that everything taken from you will be restored shortly
Not that your abilities aren’t attractive if we’re honest
But we’re not interested in stealing the skills from other humans
You’ll put them to better use that we could anyway
MHE – PAGE 254
Mana:
She won’t remember most of this. What either of you have done here.
I will. I’ll know it so maybe she’ll feel it too. Somehow. The way she feels things.
But you were very brave.
Very loyal. Even if it’s not Phineas you’re loyal to.
You’ve done so well.
Your cause is noble. There is fortune in your footsteps.
I’d like to see where they will lead left uninhibited.
Stay your course. Your secrets will be safe with me.
I’m going to wake her.
Hopefully you and I won’t have a chance to speak again soon.
I hope things go well for you, Ulrich.
Thanks for coming back for us.
(Good luck)
MHE – PAGE 255
Phineas:
(Hee! Hee! Hee!)
Hey! That was fun huh?
Doin’ okay?
Aw come on, what’s that look for?
-!
Eum. . .
H-hang on-!
Oh gross
MHE – PAGE 256
Ulrich:
. . .
Uh.
Phineas:
Eugh. . .
Ulrich:
I need a drink.
Tain:
Please
Phineas & Ulrich:
!!!
Tain:
Mercy
We did not recognize you
Star Astray
We did not know
We saw
Mercy
In you
We saw
Light
Here it is so cold
Please
Don’t leave us to the dark
Commander
Take us with you
To the sun
MHE – PAGE 257
Phineas:
. . .
You know what?
Ulrich:
Phineas
Phineas:
I know you’re watching.
Fight’s over.
We won.
Get your trash.
Tain:
(NO! NO!!)
SELFISH HUMAN!!!
You wield salvation yet you condemn us to hell!!
WHERE IS YOUR COMPASSION?!
Phineas:
You don’t deserve it.
Tain:
How easily you cast judgement!!
How does it feel?!
MHE – PAGE 258
Phineas:
We know you Phineas Kidd!
We know things you won’t admit even to yourself! You can’t hide your fear from us!
Let us reassure you-!
(YOU WILL MAKE)
(A WONDERFUL GOD!!)
(HA HA HA HA…)
Phineas:
Phew!
Well that was different!
Hahaha
MHE – PAGE 259
Phineas:
. . . Okay, what?
What’s wrong?
What’s that look for?
Listen, those things really aren’t worth
Ulrich:
What’s the last thing you remember?
Phineas:
Remember?
I was talking to the uh. Stone, we needed its help.
I was really cool right?? I never got to do anything like that before!
Ha
What-what else is there?
Ulrich:
. . .
You were. . . possessed, you. . .
Took things, from me.
I couldn’t see, I couldn’t. . . speak. . .
Phineas:
Wait. . . Huh?
U-Ulrich what do you mean
Ulrich:
Don’t.
I said don’t!
Phineas:
O-okay, I’m sorry.
Ulrich:
Please don’t. Not right now.
It isn’t you, it just-it makes me nervous.
Phineas:
Ulrich what did I do?
Ulrich:
It wasn’t
It wasn’t you.
It wasn’t you.
MHE – PAGE 260
Phineas:
It was though! I messed up!
I w-wasn’t strong enough, I thought I could handle it and you got hurt.
Ulrich:
I’ll take the sudden hysteria to mean you’re back to normal, at least.
Phineas:
THIS IS BAD!
I’m serious!
This can’t happen! I could have killed you!
Ulrich:
Well you didn’t.
Relax.
Phineas:
Ulrich I’m so sorryI would never
Ulrich:
Yes I know.
Phineas:
That looked really bad probably but you have to understand these are god…things, they don’t-
You CAN’T
Ulrich:
Calm down.
Phineas:
But I don’t want you to be s. . . think I’m. . . I’m not-
Ulrich:
What, the same?
A monster? A demon?
There are times for mercy and this was not one of them. That would have been stupid.
When I said your name earlier I thought I would need to convince you of that.
But you surprised me.
It looks to become a trend.
Despite how plainly your emotions read across your face I still can’t make any sense of you.
You may well be a demon. I have no idea, to be frank.
It isn’t worth fixating on. But I do know. . .
When you were. Even when you weren’t really there, you were. . . you saved me?
MHE – PAGE 261
Ulrich:
You were talking about power, just before they got you. You sounded strange, but.
You used “we.”
Something was. . . Tampering with your head, and you were still thinking of us both.
Phineas:
O-of course I was.
That’s what
Ulrich:
Yes! You keep saying that
“We’re friends”
“We’re a team” you think we’re this. . .
This thing but we’re-
My god what is wrong with you? We met YESTERDAY!
I have treated you like shit from the moment I saw you!
I SHOT you and somehow, not two hours later, I’ve bandaged you up and you’re sleeping on my couch?
Now you’re worried I’m going to think badly of YOU??
This is not how I operate. I am not sure this is how ANYONE operates.
You’ve been giving me the benefit of the doubt all this time and I’ve done nothing to deserve it.
It’s infuriating!
Phineas:
Ulrich you don’t have to
Ulrich:
Shut up!
I’m not finished.
I could. . .
Ahm-
I could stand to extend you the same courtesy, perhaps.
MHE – PAGE 262
Phineas:
You scare the hell out of me, Phineas.
I have no idea how to begin to deal with you, with any of this.
The spiritual philosophies I’ve held for my entire life have been violently rewritten in the space of a few hours. I’m doing my best to accommodate.
Still. Whatever you are, we do appear to be on the same side.
I would like to keep it that way, if your offer is still valid.
If you. . . If you say there are good reasons for the decisions you’re making then I believe you.
If you say you will catch the sun then I have to believe that too. I’ve never bought into any of those stories. . .
But if it IS possible, I think you’ll be the one to do it.
If that’s where you’re going then by your side seems like a good place to be standing.
(. . . If. . . If you still. . . )
Phineas:
(Ehh)
Ulrich:
Oh good god please don’t cry
I don’t have it in me to be comforting right now.
Phineas:
O-okay.
‘Kay.
Ulrich:
Right.
Ready to go, then?
MHE – PAGE 263
Phineas:
Haha
I’ve BEEN ready, man.
Just was waiting on you.
Ulrich:
Guilty speeches aside, I am going to need some context when it becomes convenient.
I’m having trouble understanding. . .
Why would you do this to yourself?
From what I gather, commanding takes a lot while returning little.
Phineas:
Mmm. . . Nah, I’d say it’s an even trade.
Did you try to fight the shadows on your own while I was down?
Ulrich:
. . . Sort of.
Phineas:
How’d that work out?
Ulrich:
It didn’t.
Phineas:
What did it feel like?
Ulrich:
. . . .
Phineas:
Commanding means I don’t have to feel that way. I can always DO something, I can always fight back.
Isn’t that worth a little compromise?
Ulrich:
. . . I see.
Yes, actually.
I can get on board with that.
MHE – PAGE 264
CHAPTER 10
ABYSSINIA
MHE – PAGE 265
Eisse:
. . .
Not Philip J. Fry:
Miss!
Miss the-
Eisse:
It’s very rude to enter a young woman’s bedroom without knocking.
Let’s try this interaction again.
MHE – PAGE 266
Eisse:
Hang on! I’m changing!
. . .
Golly! Good thing you didn’t just walk in!
Not Philip J. Fry:
Er. . . Sorry.
There’s sort of a, uh. . .
A crisis, going on, and we thought you might want to
Eisse:
You thought incorrectly.
Don’t you think that would fall under my father’s jurisdiction?
Not Philip J. Fry:
W-well we. . .
We can’t find your father. . . right now, miss.
Eisse:
What do you mean you can’t find him?
Not Philip J. Fry:
Just what I said!
We know he was in the mine last night to take care of the commander, but no one’s seen him since!
W-we thought we should, um, defer to you instead.
Eisse:
. . .
Well what is it?
What’s your crisis?
Not Philip J. Fry:
The town is on fire, miss.
Eisse:
. . .
Excuse me?
MHE – PAGE 267
Eisse:
For FUCK’S SAKE
What is WRONG with you hicks? This is YOUR town! Why would you burn it?
And what the hell is THAT?
Not Philip J. Fry:
U-um, it would appear that Ell- uh, the waitress, the rabbit from the-
Eisse:
SPIT IT OUT YOU IDIOT!
Not Philip J. Fry:
Ellie Kuznetsov is a Blazing Guardian. No one had any idea until the fire started.
But it. . . it looks like she’s only trying to evacuate the people above ground, she hasn’t shown any signs of um. Retaliation.
Eisse:
. . . I see.
Not Philip J. Fry:
What. . . What should we do?
Eisse:
. . .
Nothing.
Not Philip J. Fry:
Nothing?
Eisse:
Let it burn. If he wants to act like a child he can deal with the mess. I’m tired of cleaning up after him.
I really thought he’d pull it together this time. What a goddamn waste.
I should have just done it myself.
Not Philip J. Fry:
W. . . Well what ARE you going to do? Now?
Eisse:
My hair.
MHE – PAGE 268
Narration:
Before
Somewhere in the seared planes
Raven:
. . .
Narration:
A sudden tumult of wings, the stinging scent of
Jocasta:
What’s goin’ on, witch boy?
Narration:
Cinders
MHE – PAGE 269
CARD:
Cold Hazard. . . ?
Archivist, sorcerer
“The Mindshatter”
Raven:
Can I help you, madam?
Jocasta:
Mmmaybe
CARD:
Jocasta Hubris
Walker, witch doctor
“The Screaming Dawn”
Jocasta:
If you think you can stand to tear yourself away from this exciting company you’re entertainin’ here.
Raven:
I have played a poor host, unfortunately.
I’ve built up nearly two weeks’ worth of field notes.
We haven’t had a moment to breathe in some time.
Jocasta:
I can think of at least a dozen other things we ain’t had a moment for, but.
If breathin’s all you wanna go with.
Raven:
I did want to speak with you about some of my findings.
Jocasta:
So speak.
Raven:
I haven’t had a chance to look over the logbooks recently, not since we. . . began running into the. . .
The ah. . . abnormalities
The Tain, the worn patches of reality. . .
They’re forming some kind of. . .
Jocasta:
This isn’t distracting is it? Want me to stop?
Raven:
They’re forming a pattern.
Jocasta:
What’s it mean, you think?
Raven:
I. . .
I think, if we stay on the route we’re following, if we keep. . .
. . .
Jocasta:
If we keep?
Raven:
-Keep encoutering these events, we should be able to use the data to determine the location of the sun. . . or. . .
MHE – PAGE 270
Raven:
Or at least find our way out of this miasma we’ve been caught in.
Jocasta:
You’re so goddamn smart
Raven:
Ahem
Ah! Wait
Jocasta my notes-
Would you behave?
Jocasta:
(Absolutely not)
Raven:
I’m being serious.
Jocasta:
Yeah me too.
Sounds like you got it pretty well figured out already.
What’cha need me for?
Raven:
I wanted to ask if the void has changed, if you’ve noticed anything different during your. . .
During your walks.
Jocasta:
Can’t recall.
I got some other stuff runnin’ through my head, see
Makes it hard to think about your dusty old formulas and shit.
Raven:
You might not think them so boring if you understood them, darling.
MHE – PAGE 271
Jocasta:
I’m gonna let you have that one.
You’ve been working way too fuckin’ hard, it’s obviously screwing with your better judgement.
We finally got the place to ourselves, alllll afternoon,
And I still ain’t over watching you fight yesterday.
Raven:
Oh you like that?
. . . The feeling is mutual.
You got ashes on my coat.
Jocasta:
Bitch, bitch, bitch.
MHE – PAGE 272
Raven:
You’re divine when you alight the way you do.
Even having met as many as we both have. . .
You’re the only goddess I will ever worship.
Jocasta:
Yeah I’m pretty great huh?
You’re not so bad yourself.
‘Cept I’m not as good with words as you, so,
I gotta tell you in other ways.
Raven:
-Mm, w-wait.
Wait.
Jocasta:
What?
Raven:
I’m- while we have the chance, I.
The way time and space bend, here, I’m. . .
Concerned.
Jocasta:
Time and space. . . ?
Ohh.
You’re scared I”ll go walking and won’t be able to get back.
Raven:
It’s already so dangerous how you wander between existences, and this place, it’s. . . alive, even the light here mires our sails.
I cannot imagine that the underside of this plane is a hospitable place.
I don’t mean to imply you are incapable. Or that you don’t understand how your own abilities work. . .
But you do act largely on instinct. I see what you do from a scientific perspective and it’s. . . difficult not to feel terrified on your behalf.
Our work is dangerous and I love you very much.
MHE – PAGE 273
Jocasta:
Man you MUST be worried if you’re gettin’ all sappy on me like this.
Jeez.
That big brain of yours is a menace.
Dunno if it’ll help you any, but maybe if I explained it. . .
When I’m walkin’ it’s. . . empty, but not like there’s. . . nothing?
LIke there WAS something and it ain’t there anymore. Wind and dark and this. . . it’s like the second between when something moves and the air comes in to replace it.
And it’s mean. I can FEEL it don’t want me there. It wears away at you.
If I switch back in the wrong place, I could end up anywhere. Anytime.
It IS dangerous. Gettin’ lost out there WOULD be a fucked up way to die. I’m sorry I can’t say somethin’ nicer, babe.
But there’s lights too, if you know what you’re lookin’ for.
Narration:
A taste of paper, a scattering of stars
Jocasta:
I always get where I need to go ‘cause I know which ones to follow.
MHE – PAGE 274
Jocasta:
Crow’s about the brightest thing I’ve ever seen, I probably should guide to him more.
But you’re the first one I look for, Raven.
Every time.
You’re what gets me home.
You’re right. It’s gotten worse since we hit that last gateway.
I can’t tell you shit’s not gonna get rough. But we’ll be together while it’s going down, long as I have anything to say about it.
Raven:
Could you. . . Could you teach me? How these beacons work?
Could I make it easier for you somehow?
It’s just. . . you’re always running to save us at the last minute, I feel like none of us can do the same for you.
I want to. . . I’d feel better if I could help should something. . . go wrong.
Jocasta:
Hah, sure. Can’t hurt to try. But you feelin’ this way does plenty on its own.
I know that ain’t the most reassuring answer but. . .
Is that any better? We can pick this up later if you rather.
Raven:
Mmm, and let all your sweet words go to waste?
It’s been a while for me too, you know.
Please continue.
Jocasta:
Oh thank god.
‘Cause I got a lot more to say, and I’m ‘bout outta those sweet words.
So if it’s cool with you. . .
MHE – PAGE 275
Jocasta:
I’m gonna work all that tension outta you repeal slow.
And you’re not gonna think of any of that other shit, anymore.
Alright?
Raven:
My wrists are a bit sore-
Don’t be too rough, today.
Jocasta:
We’ll see.
Narration:
Then
On one ugly day
The unshakable shook.
And in one accord
Every light
Flickered out
After
Gideon:
I’m heading home.
Jocasta:
I’ll alert the media.
Gideon:
. . . Hubris you’ve got to get some sleep.
Jocasta:
Get if you’re gettin’, Gideon.
MHE – PAGE 276
Narration:
Presently
Brat:
Mao
Jocasta:
Quit whining, Brat.
Brat:
Mah!
Jocasta:
You hear that? S’my breakfast, Phineas.
Do you have any idea what fuckin’ time it is here?
Narration:
Current time: 3:43 A.M.
Jocasta:
You rude little shit.
Hadn’t heard from you in a little bit!
Startin’ to wonder if you got yourself killed already.
MHE – PAGE 277
Jocasta:
. . . You there, kiddo?
What’re you so quiet for?
Are you hurt?
. . . This ain’t Crow is it?
Hazard:
-Ahaha
Almost, love.
Jocasta:
You. . . WHAT
Hazard:
Before-
Before you say anything, let me. . .
My GOD
You could not fathom how wonderful it is to hear you wrap your drawl round those curses again, Jocasta Hubris.
Jocasta:
Oh don’t-
Don’t you pull that verbose shit on me you pretentious fuck.
Hazard:
You loved my “verbose shit,” once.
Jocasta:
(Huff)
Brat:
Mao?
Jocasta:
Wow, okay no, I’m not doin’ this.
Go to hell.
Hazard:
?
MHE – PAGE 278
Jocasta:
. . .
Hazard:
. . . Sorry.
Jocasta:
Where have you BEEN? What have you, I. . .
Jocasta & Hazard:
I thought. . .
Jocasta:
-Gh!
DAMMIT!
SAY something COWARD! I KNOW you ain’t had a change of heart and just decided to catch up.
What the hell do you want?
Hazard:
This is not. . . the reaction I had prepared for.
Jocasta:
Oh for real?!
What, better part of a fuckin’ century ain’t enough PREP TIME for you??
MHE – PAGE 279
Jocasta:
I can’t believe you got the nerve to call.
I can’t believe I’m even-
You know I thought you were dead up ‘till like twenty years ago, yeah?
Hazard:
I was not aware you’d learned I was still alive, actually.
Jocasta:
Oh! OHH THAT makes it better! You were just gonna show up like a fuckin ghost?!
Hazard:
What have you heard of me?
How did you. . . How did you find out?
Jocasta:
You was in the papers!
Wasn’t even looking for you anymore then-
-You know, ‘cause I figured you been reduced to a bright blue plasma in some other dimension for GOD knows how long.
Had the city paper brought in from Tourmaline, wanted to see what they had in the way of sagestone that year.
And right there, front page, there was you!
Some fucking. . . some local story, nothing to do with you.
Standin’ in the background like some kinda moron, didn’t even know you were in the shot I don’t think.
You wanna think about what that was like, Raven?
MHE – PAGE 280
Hazard:
I’d prefer not to.
Jocasta:
How could you?
To me?
ME! YOU did this to ME!!
What the hell?!
I get it if you and Gideon fell out but you-
Why did you. . .
Hazard:
Jo, I
Jocasta:
And it wasn’t just you LEAVIN’. I could DEAL with that.
Runnin’ off on your wife is a dick move but, hey, you want out you want out. That’s fair.
Hazard:
Hubris please do we have to-
Jocasta:
We do! Yes!
YOU called me!
You KNEW I thought you’d died! You let me think it was my fault.
You hid from me, do you-
Did you even THINK ABOUT how thoroughly your bullshit would FUCK with me??
Hazard:
I would suppose the window for an apology has passed.
Jocasta:
It has.
. . . Anyway.
I did some digging.
‘Bout like you do when you figure out your best friend survived an apocalypse event through a goddamn FUCKING NEWSPAPER ARTICLE.
MHE – PAGE 281
Jocasta:
Wasn’t much to dig up, you’re using some stupid-ass fake name I guess.
But everything I DID find was disappointing.
You were goin’ around fuckin’ with these little. . .
Stealing starstone? Really?
You were the best sorcerer I ever met and you’re into petty thievery now?
You ditched me for a fuckin’ PAYDAY??
Hazard:
It has nothing to do with that.
Jocasta:
Oh!
And you had a kid with you! What’s that,
Find you someone else that ties you down the way you like?
Little long in the tooth for that ain’t you?
Hazard:
Eisse is my daughter, but not in the way you’re thinking. It’s. . . a long and difficult story.
I know your ego would appreciate the gesture so, no.
I haven’t found anyone else worth submitting to.
Though I can’t say I’ve cared to look.
Jocasta:
(Tch)
MHE – PAGE 282
Jocasta:
. . . Alright, look.
Much as I”m enjoying dumping some eight or nine decades of angst on you, I really got better shit to be doing.
I ain’t interested in patchin’ things up and I don’t think you are either, else you wouldn’t’ve waited this long.
What do you want from me?
Hazard:
I am. . .
Prolonging this segment because you won’t like me by the end of this conversation.
Jocasta:
You already disgust me in every way I can think of, can we speed this up maybe?
Hazard:
Hubris I missed you.
Jocasta:
Oh do not fuck with me man!
Hazard:
I am not even in the vicinity of fucking with you.
Jocasta:
Yeah well I missed YOU a couple times too the FIRST FIFTY FUCKING YEARS!!
BUT AFTER THAT I
Hazard:
I am dying.
Jocasta:
. . . Are you drunk?
Are you drunk calling your ex-wife? Is that where you’re at?
Hazard:
That would be a significant improvement.
MHE – PAGE 283
Jocasta:
Quit bein’ dramatic, you ain’t dyin’. You CAN’T die.
Hazard:
I most certainly can.
Jocasta:
I doubt it, ‘less Crow comes and rips out your heart his own self.
Hazard:
You’re not far off.
Jocasta:
What the fuck is THAT supposed to mean?
Hazard:
(Ha. . . . )
Jocasta:
Are. . . are you sick? What’s the deal?
Is that what this is? You need a housecall?
Hazard:
That would be far more than I deserve from you, darling.
Jocasta:
Then what the fuck?!
What is WRONG with you? Why would you show up after all this time to tell me you’re DYING?!
Hazard:
I’ve been thinking about this, my body, even after. . .
It wasn’t meant to last this long in the first place
Jocasta:
HORSESHIT!
You’re an idiot but you’re still a scientist, you know we don’t just fuckin’ fizzle out.
Not even. . .
MHE – PAGE 284
Jocasta:
NOt even if you do it yourself.
Someone. . . tried already. The star wouldn’t let the host die, it was a goddamn mess.
Hazard:
Wait, who
Jocasta:
It ain’t none of your fucking business who.
POint is, for YOU to die, someone else would have to kill you and stop your star from bringing you back.
So, no. You’re not dying,
All you’re doing is draggin’ me back through a bunch of fucked up shitI been workin’ real hard to forget.
If you WANTED to kill yourself you couldn’t do it.
Hazard:
. . . Not all at once, perhaps.
Jocasta:
What?
Hazard:
You haven’t seen me in some time, I’m not as pretty as I used to be.
Moonlight doesn’t sustain quite as well as sunshine, it seems.
It’s only a reflection, a memory of things bigger and brighter.
Much like myself.
Jocasta:
Oh fuckssake, Rave.
. . .
Y-
You know I never thought you were. . .
Hazard:
I know.
I know.
But what other fate could I have had, living in the shadow of a sun god?
Love of mine,
What was left for me but the dark?
MHE – PAGE 285
Jocasta:
You. . . you did something.
What did you DO?
Hazard:
I’ve been planning on killing Crow since we ended up here, but I think, mm. . .
The current plan was probably conceived shortly before you discovered me.
Jocasta:
Yeah well good luck with that. I don’t even know where he is, and he hasn’t aged a day all this time.
He’d be sorry to do it but he’d slaughter you if you made him.
Hazard:
I don’t doubt it.
Jocasta:
Then-! FUCK dude WHY are we even having this conversation?! What is your DAMAGE?!
Hazard:
The same as yours, in all likelihood.
You accepted my intent to kill our illustrious leader with an ease I find suspicious.
One might think you’d contemplated revenge yourself.
Jocasta:
Of course I did.
Of COURSE I did you idiot!
The only person I blamed more than myself for what happened to you was him.
You think I wouldn’t kill for you?
Hazard:
(Sigh)
Jocasta:
Hmph. Well.
Would’ve
I almost DID.
MHE – PAGE 286
Jocasta:
CROW came and found me as soon as the dust was settled, when the hurt was still fresh.
When I still thought you was worth bein’ mad over.
I beat the holy hell out of that man when he showed up at my door. He didn’t fight me much.
We talked some. I patched him up, a little bit.
We’re good now. We’re fine.
Hazard:
“FINE”?!
Don’t act like you weren’t as wounded as the rest of us
Jocasta:
What “us”!? Wasn’t no one else ALIVE to WOUND!
Hazard:
Wh- Surely Maggie-??
Jocasta:
Mags didn’t make it.
Hazard:
You’re. . .
You’re sure?
Jocasta:
Yes I am fuckin’ sure!
He never was a fighter. They finally caught him and they. . . they ate him alive.
I saw it. There wasn’t enough left of that poor boy to scrape up off the goddamn sidewalk.
Hazard:
I can’t believe it. . . I just assumed
Jocasta:
There’s no one, I would have felt them by now.
Only reason I never found YOU is ‘cause you’re HIDING from me.
. . . But that one wouldn’t’ve made me look to start with.
Maggie woulda come home running.
MHE – PAGE 287
Hazard:
. . . Yes, he would have.
I’m very sorry to hear this.
Jocasta:
Yeah I’m sure.
And where the hell do you get off – of fuckin’ course it hurt me!
You and me got the same raw deal, man. YOU just didn’t deal with it as good.
Hazard:
Ah! You’re right, I apologize!
The shouting and the banging around threw me off, but,
Clearly yours is the voice of a woman well-adjusted.
Jocasta:
WELL-ADJUSTED?!
I thought you were in HELL and it was MY FAULT!
What ADJUSTING makes that OKAY?!
But hey! Yeah! I’m doin’ a lot better than I SHOULD be! I kept going!
What have YOU been doing?!
See THIS is your-
You’re so goddamn BITTER and you expect everyone else to be too!
MHE – PAGE 288
Jocasta:
You’re too chickenshit to deal with your own problems and they FESTER!
Except NOW no on’es around to pull your all out of it and you’ve turned into whatever the FUCK this is
Hazard:
Your anger
Is explosive for one so critical of dwelling on the past.
I don’t think you’re in a position to reprimand anyone for letting anything fester.
Jocasta:
Say what you wanna say, asshole.
Hazard:
The absence of love is not hatred, my dear.
This is a very long time for you to stay angry at someone you claim you don’t care for.
I’ve been very patient with your venom because it is not unjustified.
But I’m sure you’ll understand if I have trouble accepting your criticism of my decisions when you’ve obviously got your OWN astringent petri dish of issues to dissect.
Narration:
A taste of paper
Scattering
Stars
Jocasta:
. . . .
Hazard:
I DO have more to say, if I may continue.
Jocasta:
Yeah.
Go.
MHE – PAGE 289
Hazard:
I’ve been. . . dabbling, in darker energy.
Voidmagic.
Ultimately, I know I couldn’t kill Crow on my own.
I have no misconception of the enormous difference between his power and mine.
But I thought, if I could plant a rot in his soul. . .
If I could cause his spirit to decay he would eventually erode himself away, like careless commanders tend to.
I could at least force him to live out his days the way I have.
I’ve been experimenting with the Tain-
Jocasta:
You been fuckin’ with THOSE GUYS??
W-wait-
The stone, you weren’t stealing it you were stirring up the Tain! You IDIOT!
Hazard:
But then
Just recently, an opportunity presented itself.
A stroke of providence entirely too brazen to be coincidence.
You seemed surprised I had a daughter
But, Jo,
I never thought the day would come when I would see a child wearing this old coat of yours.
MHE – PAGE 290
Jocasta:
H. . . hold on
Hazard:
Phineas.
Did she pick the name herself? Or was that your influence?
Hah, I can almost picture it.
The beautiful and terrible Jocasta Hubris,
Who stood at the sun’s right hand and still blazed bright enough to turn every eye to herself,
Whose furious fire destroyed entire warships and burned hot enough to drive away demons forged in hellfire furnaces. . .
Jocasta:
(Gh!)
Hazard:
Spending her evenings reading bedtime stories to a little girl.
I would not have believed it if I hadn’t seen her myself.
Jocasta:
You son of a BITCH.
Hazard:
While there are several intriguing details surrounding her existence, most immediately I was taken aback by her age.
She’s young for a commander, don’t you think, Hubris?
Even CROW didn’t make it official until he was seventeen, and you remember the mess he caused.
MHE – PAGE 291
Jocasta:
Wh-where is she? What did you do to her?!
Hazard:
Nothing yet she can’t handle, if my assumptions are correct.
I expect she’ll be along to meet with me shortly.
Jocasta:
MOTHERFUCKER
Hazard:
Before you get caught up in what I’m certain would be artisanally crafted threats on my life, I’m going to save you the trouble.
I know for a fact that you’ve been reaching out to look for me since this conversation began.
Of all people, you know I have had plenty of time to practice staying inaccessible to prying eyes EXACTLY like yours.
For matters of the heart you were an exceptional teacher.
Myself, my vessel, my location and especially our precocious little commander will remain unreachable until I decide otherwise.
And I do not decide otherwise, so, first.
Tell me.
How old was she, Jocasta?
Jocasta:
I –
It wasn’t-
MHE – PAGE 292
Jocasta:
I – I didn’t
Hazard:
How old,
Was she?
Phineas:
Help-!
HELP ME!
JOCASTA DO SOMETHING!!
Jocasta:
. . .
Eight.
She was eight.
Hazard:
And she lived?
Jocasta:
Yep.
Hazard:
So which one of you slit an eight year old’s throat?
Jocasta:
That’s NOT what happened!
There was- H – He had to-
Hazard:
Are you actually trying to defend his decision?!
MHE – PAGE 293
Jocasta:
She was DYING!
There was nothing else we could do!
Hazard:
What did he SAY to you?
What could he POSSIBLY have done to convince you to take part in this?
Your technique is nearly flawless, her scars may be hidden well enough from most people.
But I would recognize your magic anywhere.
I saw her closely, her neck
Her BACK.
That girl BURNED.
You’re a DOCTOR, you KNOW she had no business living after those wounds.
The recovery would have been agonizing even WITH you as a caretaker.
This was cruel.
Jocasta:
Are YOU seriously trying to lecture ME on morality?! What the FUCK do you even
Hazard:
All of that,
And you allowed him to convert her, on top of it?
THAT’S what I am not able to grasp really.
You’ve never exactly been discrete with your disdain for commanders.
Jocasta:
He. . . He asked her. . . first. .
Hazard:
Oh please! No eight year old is FIT to make that decision!
Jocasta:
It WASN’T FUCKING FAIR.
MHE – PAGE 294
Hazard:
FAIR?!
Jocasta:
This whole thing was fucked, Raven, it was a stupid coincidence and the kid didn’t deserve to die over it.
Hazard:
Are those YOUR words or HIS?
Jocasta:
Oh fuck off.
Hazard:
You AND Gideon have gotten SOFT, going through all this trouble to save a child that is not even YOURS.
I would sooner let my own daughter die than see her damned to suffer such a wretched existence.
What did the FAMILY have to say about this?
Jocasta:
We were in agreement.
Hazard:
No.
I don’t believe you would ever agree with the destruction of a child’s soul.
I think you ALLOWED it because YOU didn’t want her to DIE.
Jocasta:
Fuckin-!
NO!
I DIDN’T!!
For FUCKSSAKE MAN!
How many more am I supposed to-
I couldn’t-!
I couldn’t-
Her hands-
I couldn’t let go of her hands.
Hazard:
. . . I see. Well.
MHE – PAGE 295
Hazard:
We do know selfish better than anybody, don’t we?
Jocasta:
What the hell is WRONG with you?!
Why are you doing this to me? YOU LEFT.
Why do you CARE?!
Hazard:
I care because your actions have put you in the path of my revenge.
CROW’S actions have divided you and me, again.
. . . The details are not important.
For whatever reasons he has, little Phineas is clearly important to Gideon.
He even gave her his compass. As a pawn in some grand scheme or simply the latest addition to his collection of lost pets, he found SOME reason to risk himself for her.
Between your reaction to all of this and the girl’s when she heard me say his name, the nature of the relationship has become clear enough.
. . . You know how he hates when people touch his things.
I would say it’s a safe assumption that he would be quite upset if he found that something had happened to her.
I would say it’s a safe assumption that her painful death because of his misdeeds would rot him far more than any static darkness could.
Jocasta:
. . .
. . .
You wait. Just a sec. I need a smoke before I say this.
Hazard:
By all means.
MHE – PAGE 296
Narration:
Cinders
Hazard:
Made you mad enough for matches, huh?
Jocasta:
Woodfire’s better for a pipe.
But yeah, I’m some ways past made enough for matches.
That’s what you wanted, isn’t it?
I’m gonna tell you some stuff I don’t want to.
‘Cause you haven’t been takin’ me seriously and you really oughta be.
MHE – PAGE 297
Jocasta:
You and me had a lot between us that went bad real fuckin’ quick. Least on my side of things.
You know well as me that shit doesn’t just disappear. I don’t have any feelings for you left that ain’t sour.
To put it in perspective for you, me and Gideon are close again. I wasn’t lying about that earlier.
I made peace with the deaths, much as you can.
These gloves- My hands don’t itch me no more.
Ah-
You know, I kept my seeker lamp lit for you for, fuck. . .
First two, three years?
Crow said a bunch of times it wasn’t worth it.
Seems pretty stupid now, right? I was such an idiot.
But man, I was so sure, you know? I was so sure you were just lost out there someplace.
Just trying to find your way back to me. I thought if I kept lookin’-
A-hm!
If you’d been trying you couldn’t’ve cut me any deeper.
I still can’t forgive either of you for what happened to you and me.
Hazard:
EITHER of us??
You think I had anything-
Crow’s the one who caused this outcome. I was a victim
Jocasta:
Shut UP! You know why this pisses me off so goddamn bad??
MHE – PAGE 298
Hazard:
Tell me.
Jocasta:
‘Cause you KNOW better you STUPID FUCK.
I respected you so much, I married you, and THIS is what you turned out to be like? This whiny little bitch?
THIS is what I laid awake missing so many nights? You made a fool of us BOTH!
If you thought you were in the right, for real in the right? You woulda come to me first and asked for help.
That’s how a partnership works, That’s how we ALWAYS worked.
If you really thought you were doin’ the right thing you wouldn’t’ve run and hid from me.
You flaked out.
You ALWAYS got a choice. YOU decided to abandon me and turn into this disgusting weak caricature of yourself. Don’t try ‘n pin all this on Gideon.
Boo hoo, Gideon fucked up. But I was there too, and I didn’t run from YOU.
This outcome was COMPLETELY your decision.
Hazard:
You severely overestimate my opinion of you.
Jocasta:
You say that. . .
But facts are, you decided to kill yourself.
And then you called me.
MHE – PAGE 299
Jocasta:
And long as we’re psychoanalyzin’ here, I come to the conclusion you only contacted me now
‘Cause you want me to agree with you. Which I ain’t gonna do. You’re a disappointment, Raven Slight.
Hazard:
What about my behavior do you find so disappointing?
You know me, you know what I am capable of.
Out of everyone, I confess, I had expected YOU to understand me.
Jocasta:
I do. I did.
Watching you be. . . cold, cruel, even, is what made me fall in love with – ah, no.
Not your cruelty. The ambition that MADE you cruel, to anything in your way. You were beautiful.
I knew what you were. I knew what you could do.
I just didn’t think you would turn it back on me, is all.
No. Yeah. I’ll give it to you.
I did not think you would reduce me, and now someone I love, to collateral in your little feud.
I thought better of you than that. I thought I was more important to you than that.
My mistake.
Hazard:
Apparently so.
Jocasta:
(Hah)
Maaan but that’s petty as hell, ain’t it?
MHE – PAGE 300
Jocasta:
And unlike you, I got better shit to do than sitting around fixating on ancient history, comin’ up with. . .
Ugh, revenge fantasies, or whatever the fuck you’re tellin’ me about.
I’m gonna be pissed at you until we’re both dead, if that ever happens, and that’s just how it is.
But I decided years ago I’m not ever gonna come after you over it.
I don’t give a damn what you’re doin’ with yourself these days. You ain’t worth my time anymore.
Now you say you wanna go out and find Gideon and get your ass handed to you, that’s your deal. Go ahead.
None of my overemotional bullshit, none of your games. I don’t care.
But look.
You go after my girl and I’m gonna have to get involved.
There won’t be bones to bury by the time I’m through with you.
Hazard:
Darling you tease.
Jocasta:
STOP with the fuckin’ pet names and shit! I AIN’T your darling. I’m not your anything.
How’d you even FIND her? Me and Gideon BOTH took precautions to make sure assholes like YOU wouldn’t come after her.
You couldn’tve scouted her out even if you knew what you was lookin for.
Hazard:
Oh!
Oh, SHE found ME!
That’s the best part!
MHE – PAGE 301
Hazard:
She wants to take my ship! OUR ship!!
What are the odds? Don’t you see? This is fate!
Gideon has finally angered enough stars that they turn in my favor!
I cannot kill Gideon, I was going to give my life to only ATTEMPT to WOUND him.
But now I’ll be taking someone else with me, I’ll take something of his.
It will ruin him!
Jocasta:
She’s mine too.
If she’s anyone’s she’s mine, not his.
Hazard:
What were you expecting when she left, Hubris? Do you plan to sweep in and save her every time she mouths off to the wrong person?
This is exactly what she asked for
Jocasta:
No it’s not!
This is DIFFERENT and you KNOW IT, our mistakes have NOTHING to do with her.
I can’t believe you thought you could tell me all this and I WOULDN’T come rip you apart!
She did not ASK to be part of our bullshit, Raven.
Hazard:
Oh yes. How awful it would be to find oneself suffering because of someone else’s decisions.
. . . NO, this is not what any of us wanted, is it?
. . . That’s
MHE – PAGE 302
Hazard:
That’s why-
I –
This cannot be allowed to happen again.
Crow Gideon was never meant- NONE of us were ever meant to touch this world. His influence can only make it ILL.
He spreads poison wherever he goes, and now a child has eaten it. Neither of them can exist quietly. Whatever he intends for himself or for Phineas, HER intent to take the sun can only lead to destruction.
For the sake of this world, they both must die.
Jocasta:
Well shit, dude.
Stupid-ass kids go out chasin’ fairy tales every damn day. They get killed or they give up and go home ‘n get fat.
Me and Crow’s raisin’ her aside, Phin’s just a stupid-ass kid if I ever saw one. Like you said, she’ll probably get herself killed way before she gets anywhere.
What’s this little girl got you worked up for?
Hazard:
Because they are the same.
MHE – PAGE 303
Hazard:
Phineas Kidd is cut from the same cloth as Crow Gideon, it was obvious as soon as I saw her.
I wondered at first if perhaps she was this world’s equivalent to him, if there are in fact doppelgangers for us here.
She burns with the same intensity, the same infuriating arrogance rolls off of her in waves.
Phineas:
I SAID TAKE.
Hazard:
The same greed glints in her eye.
Crow must have seen it, and although you feign ignorance I know you see it too.
Don’t you?
Jocasta:
. . .
Hazard:
If Phineas Kidd wants to catch the sun, she will do so. Just like Gideon.
She will follow in his footsteps, she will make his mistakes, and she’ll take this whole universe with her when they finally catch up with her.
Even so. Think about it, Jocasta.
Would it not be kinder for her to die here, before she ends up like we did?
Jocasta:
(Hhhhffff)
. . . Know what?
I think you’re making Gideon out to be a monster the same way I made you into a monster.
MHE – PAGE 304
Hazard:
What do you mean?
Jocasta:
Means I think you’re full of shit, buddy. This ain’t justified, no matter what you wanna tell yourself.
But that’s not important. All I care about is you’re wanting to kill Phineas.
Hazard:
I am.
Jocasta:
See, I’m still missing something here. What do you get out of telling all this to me?
Do you WANT me to come kick your ass?
Are you trying to hurt me?
Hazard:
. . . She,
She is frighteningly similar to Gideon but, I see so much of you in her too.
The way she moves, the lilt in her cadence, the. . . the way she shines.
There is. . . always the chance that I could die. As I said before, my body is much more frail now than it once was.
Even at my best I never was a match for Crow.
My pride is not so important to me that I won’t admit I could die here. Not when it might cost me my only chance to. . .
Not when I’m so close.
I needed. . .
MHE – PAGE 305
Hazard:
I needed a messenger.
You’re the only one with any chance of reaching Crow, and it wouldn’t. . . it wouldn’t be worth anything if he didn’t know what had happened.
That I was the one who killed the girl, and why.
Jocasta:
. . .
You called me after all this time. . .
To tell me you’re gonna kill my kid, THEN kill the only friend I got left. . . and you want me to be your fallback plan?
Hazard:
I never wanted to be cruel to you.
But he took that option from me.
I accepted a long time ago that you were one of the things swept away in the wake of Crow Gideon.
I hate him more than I love you, anymore.
That’s why I couldn’t come back to you, it was. . . never anything you did.
But would you. . .
Would you believe me if I said I also wanted to hear your voice again?
MHE – PAGE 306
Hazard:
Even raised in anger. I don’t mind.
I’ve missed hearing you say my name, my real name. I’ve missed saying yours.
Jocasta:
SIGH
Well, you know.
She means more to me than this whole world does. She wants to tear it up I think that’s fine.
You go through with this?
I don’t know how long you’d need to burn before that thing in your head finally let you die.
But I imagine Phin bein’ gone would free up plenty of my time to figure it out.
Get fucked.
MHE – PAGE 307
Narration:
A scattering
Of
MHE – PAGE 308
CHAPTER 11
RIGHT EYE HERALD
MHE – PAGE 309
Phineas:
But like what’s the difference between a sibling clover and regular not-sibling ones?
Ulrich:
Sibling clovers share the same mother.
Phineas:
Do plants have moms?
Ulrich:
Some do. These did.
Phineas:
You’re good to climb, right?
Ulrich:
It doesn’t seem to be negotiable.
Phineas:
Ahhh!
We’ve been down here forever!
Ok, uh
Ok hang on.
. . .
Ulrich:
What is it, why did you stop?
Phineas:
Uhhh maybe we should go look for somewhere else to
Ulrich:
Phineas you get your ass up this ladder or I’ll
Phineas:
Alright alright!
MHE – PAGE 310
Ulrich:
. . .
Is this normal for you?
Do things just start exploding any time you stay in one place for too long?
Phineas:
Hey c’mon, you can’t pin this one on me.
It’s not like WE started any fires.
. . . We didn’t, did we?
Ellie:
PHINEAS!
MHE – PAGE 311
Ellie:
Thank goodness!
I heard you were sent into the mine, I thought you’d die down there for sure!
Ulrich:
Good to see you, Ellie.
Phineas:
YOU’RE A BLAZING GUARDIAN?!
OH MY GOD
Ellie:
A fan, huh?
Phineas:
OH MY GOD
Ulrich:
A Blazing Guardian?
Phineas:
YOU DON’T KNOW?!
HOW
(HOWWW)
Ulrich:
Hör auf
Ach, wait.
MHE – PAGE 312
Ulrich:
Do you mean Star Guardian? The cartoon they used to show in the mornings?
Phineas:
You like Star Guardian Sunny??
Ulrich:
No, I saw it sometimes when I changed the channel to watch Mercy’s Mysteries.
Ellie:
Um!
Phineas:
That thing where they showed old black and white movies? Jeez did you grow up in a nursing home?
Ulrich:
I’m sorry, you see I was interested in stories with ambitions that extended beyond peddling overpriced sparkly merchandise to wide-eyed schoolchildren.
Phineas:
HOW DARE
Blazing Guardians are defenders of cosmic justice!
Warriors chosen by the Yellow Queen to keep humans safe in the eternal war between light and dark!
Good and evil!
The heavens and the earth!
Stars and their-
Stars and their shadows.
. . . The Tain?
Ellie:
(Sigh)
Phineas:
I uh. I talked with a. . . stone, down there.
There were these shadow things and it called them Tain. THE Tain.
. . . They’re different on TV.
MHE – PAGE 313
Ellie:
Yes, well.
The real Sunny is pretty different from on TV, too.
Phineas:
There’s a real Sunny. . ?
Ulrich:
(good lord)
Ellie:
They change things for a reason, to keep people safe.
Most folks aren’t even aware there ARE Blazing Guardians outside the versions you’re allowed to see. We prefer to keep it like that.
Ulrich:
So you lie to the public you claim you’re protecting?
Ellie:
We do what we have to to keep things balanced.
Usually, teams of four or five are assigned to keep an eye on problem areas.
I’m stationed here alone, and I work in reconnaissance, not combat. Whatever you saw down there is classified as a minor entity.
You have no idea what kinds of things are out there.
What happens all around you every day.
If people knew what was going on it would be chaos.
So, yes, we lie. To maintain order.
But honesty isn’t something you concern yourself with, is it?
Ulrich:
Apologies! English is my second language, your subtleties tend to elude me.
Are you suggesting something?
Phineas:
Oookay, but.
MHE – PAGE 314
Phineas:
I think I get the Tain deal, mostly.
We call it different things but commanders work with lots of the same light and dark junk you guys do. It’s all circles, still. Right?
I knew starstone was alive but I always thought it was like. . . plants, or something.
I didn’t realize. . .
It’s conscious?
Ellie:
(Sigh)
You are a pain in my ass, Phineas Kidd.
You commanders are always causing trouble for us, even if you have good intentions you make things a lot more complicated.
Your abilities interfere with our magic. You’re like bulls in dish shops.
If anyone important knew you were here I’d be in SO much trouble.
Phineas:
Aww but this is so cool! I can’t believe I’m getting to meet one of you guys – !
-!
Oh my god
Oh my god you should come travel with me
Ellie:
Oh, that’s. . . very sweet but I can’t
Phineas:
You didn’t even think about it!!
PLEEEEEASE
MHE – PAGE 315
Ellie:
Wh-
What HAPPENED down there?
Phineas:
We had to fight!
They were gonna eat Ulrich so I had to
Ellie:
You FOUGHT them?!
You CAN’T fight them!
That’s impossible!
Ulrich:
We are here are we not?
Phineas was possessed, briefly, but clearly that is no longer the case.
So would you lower your weapon, please?
Ellie:
. . .
. . . One thing at a time.
Let me catch you up.
MHE – PAGE 316
Ellie:
I just got the residents to a safe distance outside town, but I can’t do anything about the structures.
Everything above ground is going to burn.
Ulrich:
You don’t have any, ah
Special Guardian powers, you can use to put out the fire?
Ellie:
Guardians have different abilities based on our jobs. I’m just a messenger.
I’ve minimized civilian casualties, there’s not much more for me to do here.
I helped a few of Hazard’s workers who abandoned their post when things got dangerous. No one’s seen him since last night, but now that I’m in uniform I can sense him on the ship. . .
If he has no interest in saving the town or his work force, I suspect he wasn’t just here to steal stone to cut for profit. I’m. . . nervous. I don’t know what he’ll do now.
Ulrich:
Here is a question!
Why didn’t you just kill Hazard as soon as he appeared? Why let him establish himself?
Ellie:
Weren’t you listening? I’m not strong enough on my own.
Ulrich:
Why go to the trouble of playing a footman if you can’t call your outfit for backup?
That’s the whole point of joining an organization!
Ellie:
I was hoping he would just take what he wanted and – this is better than –
Ulrich:
Better than what??
MHE – PAGE 317
Ulrich:
You just said you’re a peace keeper, does this look PEACEFUL to you?
People have been terrorized! Everything is on fire!!
Phineas:
Ulrich what’s the problem?
Ulrich:
This story doesn’t make sense, she’s not telling us everything and I don’t like it.
I don’t think even half of what she’s told either of us in the last day has been any sort of truth.
If you’re going to threaten us then be unclear about your loyalties, I’d rather deal with you her now than have to watch our backs.
I’ll ask one more time. What are you hiding?
Ellie:
. . .
Phineas:
Relax, Ellie.
It’s okay.
Ellie:
The Queen –
If. . .
If the Queen’s attention is drawn here she’ll destroy this whole settlement and everyone in it.
She’ll rewrite the reality around us and crush everything out of existence. Even the memory of this place will be erased.
MHE – PAGE 318
Ellie:
Sometimes the job gets to be too much for even a whole team of Guardians, and if the Queen takes notice then she. . .
She just gets rid of the problem altogether. To keep the damage from spreading.
Ulrich:
That’s ridiculous! People would NOTICE if an entire city just disappeared!
Phineas:
Not the entire city.
Just part of it.
It already happened, didn’t it? Things went south so you picked up the middle part of the old city and moved it out here.
Or you just. . .
Changed everything outside the pieces you wanted to keep.
Crazy Old Man:
He’s been here as long as the desert, probably.
Phineas:
That big turtle, uh, Careful something. He’s all wrong for a desert. He’s green.
He looks like a jungle, he needs water.
Ulrich:
N. . . No. There’s no way –
Ellie:
Don’t you think it’s weird there are NO ROADS HERE?!
NO ROADS leading anywhere!
None that even run CLOSE to what used to be a trade city?
What about the other buildings? Why would we need to build a tower that huge for a settlement THIS SMALL?!
Do you think Hazard bothered to clear out any evidence of the city outside the mining district?
WHY
Was a town in the DESERT
BUILT OUT OF WOOD?!
MHE – PAGE 319
Ellie:
The starstone and the Tain here are minor NOW, but they were a lot stronger before.
My mom was the Guardian assigned here, originally. I was still training under her when something. . .
Something happened.
So the Queen came to fix it.
MHE – PAGE 320
CARD:
HASTUR
THE HUSHED
Ellie:
I can’t remember the Queen’s – Hastur’s, face, but I do remember how it felt to look at her.
It was like there was. . . Red, inside. Red eating. Red that hurt.
Even the sky bled.
A Traveler’s Journal: Hastur
Wow. Much text. Very exposition.
MHE – PAGE 321
Ellie:
Guardians understand we forfeit our lives when we accept the service. Mama was a good soldier. She wasn’t afraid to die.
She was afraid for me. And Dad.
I thought she panicked, for a while after.
But Mama had never acted based on fear before.
Now I think, maybe,
If she had to go,
. . .
. . !
She wanted it to be on her own terms.
MHE – PAGE 322
Ellie:
It gets. . . hazy after that. It’s like there’s a spot in my memory that keeps me from focusing on it too long.
I don’t know what Mom did, but when I woke up she was gone. The rest of the city was gone, the forest. Even their names were erased.
There was just desert.
Phineas:
Ooh, so Mama went against orders.
None of this should even still be here.
You’re afraid if you call your friends you’ll get found out and Queenie’ll come finish the job.
Gods do get kinda pissy about defiance.
Sounds like your mom was really cool.
Ellie:
This situation isn’t ideal, but I. . .
I can’t just let me and my dad, these people, be killed by the Queen after my mom got herself killed to keep it from happening.
She though our lives were worth saving, even when Hastur decided they weren’t.
The least I can do is keep those lives out of any more gods’ hands.
That’s all I wanted. I didn’t think things would get so complicated.
But that’s no excuse. I won’t let her efforts go to waste just because I can’t handle what she left me.
MHE – PAGE 323
Phineas:
(Hee! Hee!)
Good stuff! I knew I liked you.
Ulrich:
. . .
These rewrites, you’re saying they tamper with memories, too?
If one arrived after the event, would there still be effects?
Ellie:
When Hastur remakes something, her reach stretches back in our timeline, enough that any weaker consciousnesses are reformatted to match her will.
Even the starstone underground probably had its memory replaced. That’s how it usually goes. It’s. . . messy, but it cleans up after itself.
But Cold Hazard, um. . .
He’s some kind of anomaly, I think. His showing up and destroying the tower, altering the town like he did changed something.
This was already an incomplete conversion, but with him here we’re like corrupted computer data.
The story I told you about Hazard being the reason the town is so barren is what everyone thinks now, but, um.
I’m not sure how long we’ve actually been here, with Hazard, like this. Or what history we believed before.
We’re so isolated now it’s extremely rare that anyone finds us accidentally, and we’re not on any maps anymore.
Folks in town can leave and visit other places, but the nature of Hastur’s power conditions everyone, even people outside the spell, to ignore details that don’t make sense.
Ulrich:
Conditioning? You brainwash people.
Ellie:
She makes sure everyone’s placated, and things keep moving. No one notices
Ulrich:
That is heinous. That is inexcusable.
MHE – PAGE 324
Ellie:
It’s not anything, it’s just how things are. I told you you’re better off not knowing, didn’t I?
In any case. . .
Commanders are usually able to ignore Hastur’s power a little bit, since your consciousnesses aren’t completely attached to this plane.
That must be why you came expecting starstone.
Phineas:
Actually Jocasta told-
Yeah that’s it. Commanding stuff.
Ellie:
I have no idea why the hell YOU ended up here, though.
Ulrich:
I’m lucky. I am always where I should be.
Ellie:
. . . Right. Anyway.
I thought Hazard was a commander too at first, but commanders don’t get involved with Tain the way he has.
You guys never work in the dark.
And normal wizard magic shouldn’t have much effect against an elder god’s.
Not only were his memories unaffected, but just his arrival changed everyone else’s memories again.
Hastur is big and powerful enough to rewrite reality on a whim. I’ve never even heard of anything that could negate an elder god’s will.
I don’t know if. . . Are you still planning on confronting him?
Phineas:
Pff yeah!?
Just ‘cause a bunch of other dumb crap is going on doesn’t mean I have to give up on what I came for.
I am NOT leaving without a ship after all this.
And I want my coat back.
And my compass.
Plus it sounds like it would help you out some if I got rid of him.
Ellie:
Well if none of what I’ve said put you off already, I’m not going to argue.
MHE – PAGE 325
Ellie:
I’d offer to help you up to his ship, but he’s got. . . defenses, set up. It’s overkill, honestly.
Like he was expecting a fight with someone else like him, or something. I couldn’t fly close enough.
There’s the elevator but you’d still need a key to make it run, and the fire’s still burning too hot near the base to get close.
Ulrich:
(Tch -)
Ellie:
I do have some basic protection blessings that could help, but there’s too much dark energy clinging to you. It wouldn’t take.
Phineas:
What about Ulrich? He didn’t puke up any demons or anything.
Ellie:
Ulrich isn’t a suitable candidate either.
Ulrich:
I’ve never taken part in any of this spirit nonsense. Just being near those things infected me?
Ellie:
YOUR problem has nothing to do with the Tain.
Ulrich:
Oh please enlighten me
Phineas:
Are you just upset because Ulrich robbed the armadillo guy?
Ellie:
. . .
Ulrich:
What?!
Ellie:
You KNEW?
Ulrich:
YOU knew?
YOU KNEW?
Phineas:
(Hee! Hee!)
Yeah!
Since you lied about it last night. Sorry!
MHE – PAGE 326
Phineas:
Your lie wasn’t bad, I just hitched a ride with him yesterday before you and me met.
You said he got wrecked by Hazard’s guys but him and his ride were fine.
Then you got all weird at the restaurant and stole bread when you got hungry. I’m not an idiot you know, ha ha ha!
You seemed kinda keen not to talk about it so I didn’t say anything
Ellie:
You stole bread-?
You’re okay with this??
Phineas:
Well it was stuff you needed, right?
Ulrich:
M. . . metal components. Gunpowder.
Phineas:
Yeah, see? It’s fine.
He didn’t hurt the guy or muss up his coach. He didn’t even hurt the animals.
I’ve seen meaner robberies. Do what you gotta do to get where you’re goin’, right?
Ellie:
But you-!
But you can’t just-
Roy:
What about me?
Phineas:
Oh, hey.
MHE – PAGE 327
Roy:
Am I uh, pure enough for your angel magic.
Guardian. Whatever.
Whatever it is. . .
Ellie:
I was wondering where you went off to. I was worried.
Roy:
I’m sorry, you shouldn’t worry about me.
Ellie:
Don’t apologize, silly!
Of course you’ll do, come closer.
Phineas:
Oh jeez, that dude totally has a thing for Ellie.
That’s so cute!
Ulrich:
. . .
Phineas:
What’s up?
Ulrich:
I don’t know what I should say.
Phineas:
You’re making way too big a deal out of this, man. You act like you murdered somebody.
Ulrich:
That was my excuse for getting involved with this at all.
Phineas:
Oh my god I thought we did this.
You gotta start figuring out how to relax around me.
MHE – PAGE 328
Phineas:
I know it’s hard because you think I’m dumber than you. Or nicer.
I like your narcissism.
I know it’s not one little robbery that’s got you all “ooh I’m such a bad guy, you don’t even know” guilt tripping over yourself.
I get it. You have some stuff. Everybody has stuff.
I play like I don’t see it ‘cause it seems like that makes you more comfortable.
But any rough you got in your edges is fine. Rough is good.
No saint I know that’s got a heart still beating in ‘em.
Your light looks good and I want it around me. Whatever else you have going on is small change.
Ulrich:
That attitude will only get you caught up with bad sorts.
Phineas:
Doing okay so far though, yeah?
Ulrich:
. . .
I still don’t know what to say.
Phineas:
That’s fine too.
Ellie:
Alright!
We’re all set!
It’ll get a little warm, but if you stay close to Roy you’ll be okay.
Phineas:
(Hee hee!)
Ellie:
His elevator key will take you up to the top.
Ulrich:
It didn’t seem very stable at all before. Is it going to run?
MHE – PAGE 329
Ellie:
I’m. . . quite close with the artist who built the tower, the kind person I mentioned before. I’ve known him for a long time.
I didn’t know it was possible to be so devoted to a craft until I met him.
His tower’s been through two calamities and it’s still standing.
If Reuben built it, the elevator will go where it’s supposed to. Fire or not.
All yours, Roy.
I have one more thing I need to check in on.
Roy:
Please be careful, Elle.
I’ll catch up as soon as I can.
Ellie:
Good luck!
I’ll see you again before you leave.
Phineas:
Yeah!
Ellie:
Please take care.
Phineas:
. . . Well hey!
Your face is lookin’ good!
MHE – PAGE 330
Phineas:
These bunnies are cool huh!
Roy:
. . .
Phineas:
Ssso how ya holding up with this elder god stuff?
You adjusting okay still?
Ulrich:
Don’t patronize me, Phineas.
MHE – PAGE 331
Phineas:
I’m not!
Ulrich:
Actually, I’m surprised how well you’re accepting that your childhood heroes turned out to be some sort of nightmare army.
Phineas:
Eh, when she said it was a god running things I figured that’s about what the story would be.
That’s just what they’re like.
They don’t come up often but I’ve met one like Hastur before. Big and mean for no good reason.
The Guardians are different than I thought, but I think we’re kinda doing the same things.
They’re probably protecting regular folks from Hastur as much as they’re protecting them from the Tain.
I couldn’t stand it myself, but if working inside the system is the only way for someone to fight then I’d rather they did that than just sit back and take it.
Especially if there’s other people you gotta take care of. You do what you have to.
Ulrich:
. . . Yes, you do.
Phineas:
That’s why you decided to do this Hazard stuff, right? You’re totally in love with Ellie dude.
Roy:
Don’t need you to tell me that.
Other peoples’ emotions are none of your business, commander.
Phineas:
Ha ha! Yeah!
But it’s hard to ignore them when people broadcast so loud.
It was rollin’ off you in waves, like neon. I think I might love her a little.
MHE – PAGE 332
Phineas:
You ask her out yet? You already seem really close.
Roy:
Hmpf
Phineas:
Come onnn spill, it’ll pass the time.
Roy:
. . . Her girlfriend is kind of a rock star. They’ve been a thing for a long time, I’m not gonna get in the way.
They’re happy.
I wouldn’t. . . know how to be with her, anyway.
I can’t keep up, all this magic she got into scares the shit out of me. This Guardian thing. I hate it.
But I want to try and make things easier for her, if I can. If the best I can do is be somebody she can rely on, some, that’s. . .
. . .
. . .Why did I tell you all that?
Phineas:
?
Roy:
What did you do?
Phineas:
Ah, nothing! Nothing!
Don’t be so paranoid!
Ulrich:
Ah-m!
I’m curious as to why she would lie about her mother being alive.
I’d assume a Guardian would excel at deception, but we stumbled across the truth accidentally.
Roy:
(. . . sigh)
. . . Man, I couldn’t tell you.
Ulrich:
(Behave!)
Phineas:
(I’m sorry)
MHE – PAGE 333
Roy:
It might have just been nice to pretend for a little while.
Ok.
That should do it.
Phineas:
(Hee! Hee! Hee!)
You got a bunch of em now!
Me and Ulrich must have been keeping them from multiplying right.
Or maybe you have a predisposition for the ethereal.
Too bad it’s all super evil, eh?
Thanks for the help.
Roy:
. . . You dying would probably make Ellie cry.
So don’t.
Phineas:
We’re gonna try our-
MHE – PAGE 334
Ulrich:
. . . Lotus Blossoms.
How about that.
Phineas:
Look Ulrich!
Ulrich:
Oh, I. . .
Phineas:
No, I think it’s muted. Hang on.
There’s probably a thing.
Reuben:
. . . structural damage.
MHE – PAGE 335
Reuben:
But the lady is tough, she’ll still run for you just fine.
Ulrich:
An automated maintenance message. The workers must have gotten tired of it.
Reuben:
I hate to deprive you of a breathtaking forest panorama.
But if you’re seeing this, outside conditions are probably a little dangerous.
So I’m gonna keep the windows rolled up and adjust your environment to keep you comfy.
We’re gonna take it repeal slow
But we’ll get you there.
Phineas:
Holy shit
Ulrich:
Rein it in a bit, Kidd.
Reuben:
Please enjoy yourselves, sweethearts.
Phineas:
Hah! Sorry.
That guy was really cute.
Oh no, did your hearing aid get messed up?
Ulrich:
The Tain were interfering with it somehow, I haven’t had a chance to readjust it.
Phineas:
Wait, since when do you have. . .
Ah! I don’t mean-
I just can’t remember when we
Ulrich:
It’s alright.
MHE – PAGE 336
Ulrich:
You were. . . not yourself, at the time.
Phineas:
Oh yeah, Brokenspectre showed up. Was she nice?
Ulrich:
To me, she was. Not so much to anything else.
Phineas:
Ha ha! Yeah, she’s a grump.
Uh, you don’t have to answer if you don’t want to , but speaking of. . . er, this kind of thing. . .
Ulrich:
No you’re right, it is a good idea to be aware of any limitations a partner might have.
I am only hard of hearing on this side.
I can manage without my earpiece, but I’ve designed it with extra functionality that more than makes up for any shortcomings.
Phineas:
That’s good!
But um
I wanted to ask about your eye.
Ulrich:
. . .
What about my eye?
Phineas:
Can you. . . Can you see okay out of the left one?
Ulrich:
Why?
Phineas:
It has-
It has a- a thing
Ulrich:
Phineas don’t do that!
MHE – PAGE 337
Ulrich:
Tell me what it looks like.
Phineas:
. . . You’re cracked, there.
Ulrich:
What, my. . . ach, blue, light? Is damaged?
Phineas:
This is more of an aura thing.
Ulrich:
Why didn’t you mention it before?
Phineas:
It would have been mean.
Ulrich:
You haven’t stopped carrying on about lights since I met you!
Phineas:
This is different though. It’s a wound. It shouldn’t be there.
Ulrich:
A wound?
A wound from wh. . .
Bel:
(Oh honey)
(Oh, sweet boy)
MHE – PAGE 338
Bel:
You’re smarter than that.
Doctor:
It will be over sooner
If you don’t struggle
Be still
Be still
Ulrich:
U-um
Phineas:
I’m sorry I won’t bring it up again I didn’t want you to get hurt in a fight because I
Ulrich:
Mmn.
S’fine.
I can see fine.
Is this something I should be concerned about?
Phineas:
Well, no, I guess?
I had some too before they scarred over. They get better!
Yours just. . . isn’t healing yet.
MHE – PAGE 339
Phineas:
Gideon says souls gather up scars too, the same as bodies.
A human is a mind, a body, and a spirit. Some stuff roughs you up enough to tear through all three.
When the energy from something emotionally charged collides with your spirit it cracks. It bleeds like a body.
The significance comes from your side, so how much you bleed is up to you.
But then you fill in the breaks with new light, hopefully better than it was before. It makes you stronger.
I think scars are cool, they mean you went places and did stuff and got out alive. I like mine!
But not everybody sees them like that, so I didn’t want to make a big deal about yours.
Ulrich:
. . . And what is the difference between mine and yours? HOw did yours begin to heal?
Phineas:
Hmm. . . I replaced them.
With
AMBITION!!
But it’s different for everyone!
You’ll have to figure out how to deal with your unfinished business yourself.
Ulrich:
Do I. . . I don’t feel the same as Hazard, do I?
Phineas:
NO.
Not at all. Not even a little bit.
MHE – PAGE 340
Ulrich:
What is he? Do you know anything that could make him easier to deal with?
Phineas:
Yeah, for starters you’re not going anywhere near him.
Ulrich:
After all this you don’t actually want my help?
Am I only a pretty thing to hang on your arm?
Phineas:
It’s not that.
You know that chill you said you felt when he was around?
Ellie said it felt like drowning. She said people would just. . . explode, kinda, they’d tear apart without him even doing anything.
I think it’s gravity, it’s a void you’re feeling.
I think he has a star in his head.
Ulrich:
A star? An. . . a literal star?
Phineas:
I’m just guessing. It. . . talked to me, I dreamt about it last night. I don’t think it likes being with Hazard.
He’s keeping it suppressed, you can’t. . . do that.
Ulrich:
. . . Your experience being what?
Phineas:
Um.
Gideon. Has a star, um, also. He, uh
He keeps it in his eye too. Except it’s. The um. His right. One.
MHE – PAGE 341
Phineas:
But it’s different!
Gideon is warm, he’s. . . not, whatever Hazard is
Ulrich:
So.
Gideon is warm, Hazard is cold,
And you’re bright.
You have one too.
That creature- er, that-
That. . . Brokenspectre, is that what stars look like?
Phineas:
That’s what mine looks like.
Gideon’s kept its own shape, he wore it like jewelry, like a gem. It was still a separate entity.
Mine is fused with me. All the way down. She latched onto my heart when we were little and we. . . grew around each other.
Hazard, and Gideon, must have been older when they. . . got, theirs.Gideon wouldn’t talk about it.
But it’s not-
Hazard’s is spoiled, somehow, it’s rotten.
They’re not the same! Gideon would never-
I would never
Ulrich:
Mausebär
Of course not.
But you need to help me understand.
MHE – PAGE 342
Ulrich:
You have. . . part of a star. Gideon has a star, the same kind as Hazard does, but Hazard is not a commander.
Phineas:
Uh-huh.
Ulrich:
This is not normal!
You three share the exact same mal-
These same stars.
If commanding is not the common thread then. . . what?
What happened? What did gideon do to all of you?
Phineas:
I don’t know about Hazard. But in my case it was just an accident.
I almost died because of someone else. Gideon saved me.
I’m either here like this or not at all. I don’t know why people keep makin’ a big deal over it.
Gideon took the worst of it, you know. He got marked up a lot worse than me.
He wouldn’t do this to someone unless he had to.
Ulrich:
. . . It does hurt, then.
Phineas:
Lots of stuff that’s good for you hurts. It doesn’t matter.
Ulrich:
It may.
MHE – PAGE 343
Ulrich:
A wound accidentally inflicted is often enough to sour a relationship.
A deliberate injury, even one well-intended, could cause irreversible bitterness.
Cold Hazard is clearly not a person concerned with morality.
But are you certain his disgust with you mentor is uncalled for?
Phineas:
There must have just been a misunderstanding somewhere.
Gideon couldn’t do this to someone and just. . . leave
Ulrich:
Look at me, Phineas.
Phineas:
I AM POSITIVE.
Ulrich:
. . . Yes! Of course, you would know better than I would.
I only want to help. It would be very inconvenient for me if he killed you.
Phineas:
(Haaah. . . )
I know, I know. Sorry. I ain’t gettin’ killed.
MHE – PAGE 344
Ulrich:
You are insisting on going alone, though.
Phineas:
Yep. If Hazard fights by changing the equilibrium of his opponents’ bodies then there’s nothing you can do.
That stuff won’t usually fly with commanders.
My body’s under my control, actively, all the time.
He shouldn’t be able to kill me like that, at least.
If I can’t resist his will then I’ll lose to him anyway.
Ulrich:
. . . That is why your weight changes. You can will your body into different states.
Phineas:
Uh-huh.
Ulrich:
And my poison didn’t work.
Phineas:
Now you’re gettin’ it.
Ulrich:
. . . That’s so cheap!
Phineas:
Yeah well I worked real hard to learn my cheap tricks, so I’m gonna use ‘em.
If you’re not really after Hazard anyway this shouldn’t even be a big deal for you, right?
You can take care of your thing while I’m busy and we’ll meet up after.
(Easy peasy!)
Ulrich:
. . .LIttle room for contingencies.
Phineas:
Ah we got all the room we need. We’ll be fine.
FIIINE
MHE – PAGE 345
Phineas:
What does mawze pair mean?
Ulrich:
Mausebär
Phineas:
Mausebӓr.
Ulrich:
It’s, ah.
I have been away from my language for a very long time. I am sure I’ve strayed from what it must be now.
It is the words for mouse and bear, mausebӓr, it is. . . a silly petname.
It’s meant to be cute, but I used to use it to tease a friend of mine. She was. . . angry.
I would call her that because she was small like a mouse and vicious like a bear. It made her smile sometimes.
The definition is different to me now. A-as I said, very silly.
Phineas:
You think I’m vicious??
Ulrich:
A-hm!
I, ah
I figured the Deutsch might shake you from your downward spiral.
I. . . said it without thinking. You must make me think of her, a bit.
Phineas:
What does she do?
MHE – PAGE 346
Ulrich:
She is a florist.
Phineas:
That doesn’t sound like an angry person job.
Ulrich:
You would be surprised.
Phineas:
Ahh look!
Let’s go!
Ulrich:
Wait, I want to see.
Phineas:
(Hmm?)
Ulrich:
. . . This doesn’t make sense. The ship crashed into the tower.
MHE – PAGE 347
Ulrich:
This looks like they grew around each other.
Phineas:
You don’t know much about starships do you?
Ulrich:
I am not convinced this is a ship.
Phineas:
Ha ha! They’re pretty cool!
CARD:
Artemis Ascending
Starship
Calculated elegance,
A silver reflection of golden days
Phineas:
Lemme show you around.
MHE – PAGE 348
CHAPTER 12
SILVERSPEAK
MHE – PAGE 349
Phineas:
. . . mask supposed to be?
Ulrich:
An owl.
Phineas:
Don’t look like an owl I ever saw.
Ulrich:
Then you’ve been looking at them incorrectly.
Phineas:
. . . pretty.
But it stinks.
Ulrich:
The quiet is what concerns me. I was thinking someone would at least try to keep us out.
Phineas:
Why bother though? Nobody really wanted to fight in the first place.
(There’s nothing written here. . . )
Most of these folks seemed okay I thought.
MHE – PAGE 350
Ray:
(Hah. .)
Phineas:
Well, good news is it shouldn’t be too hard to find Hazard. He-
Ulrich:
If you’re going to play with that
You really should learn to hold it.
Phineas:
(Omfg Ulrich you’re so cold I love you)
(Also what is happening)
Ray:
I don’t know who the hell YOU think you are,
But I got business with this bitch and you’re in the way.
So unless you want your ass beat too you oughta fuck off.
Ulrich:
He speaks the way he shoots.
Phineas:
Pack it in, man. Haven’t you done enough?
Ray:
SHUT UP!!
You ruined everything!
I was finally getting somewhere with Ellie before
Ulrich:
I’m going to kill him before he ruptures something.
Phineas:
You should probably save your shots.
MHE – PAGE 351
Ray:
Stop. . .
STOP
(STOP LAUGHING AT ME!!!)
Ulrich:
(Sigh)
He dodged?!
(Oh, no, he just stopped.)
Uh look, we got places to be dude.
MHE – PAGE 352
Ulrich:
Could you maybe-
Ray:
Why?
MHE – PAGE 353
Phineas:
What the hell is your problem?!
MHE – PAGE 354
Eisse:
Oh what.
Your boy there was just about to do it himself, wasn’t he?
I’ve waited weeks for an excuse.
Phineas:
That was your own guy!!
Eisse:
Please. At best he only happened to be convenient.
Don’t act so righteous, commander.
With a will like yours you could easily conscript anyone you want, but you came into town alone.
You understand how important it is to have standards when it comes to. . . ah,
Estate.
Ulrich:
Wait, Phineas
Phineas:
WHAT DID YOU SAY?!
Ulrich:
You need to find Hazard. I will keep the lady entertained.
Phineas:
A wizard in her own element isn’t a fair fight!
I’m not leaving you here!
Ulrich:
If you can’t handle your suboordinates bleeding for you then you’re not qualified to have them.
Make peace with your position.
Self-doubt at this point is irresponsible.
Go get your ship.
MHE – PAGE 355
Eisse:
So much drama.
I said nothing about fighting with you, she assumes everyone else is as primitive as she is.
I’m not going to get in her way.
Ulrich:
Nope.
Eisse:
Are you still angry with me?
Ulrich I’m flattered.
You’re more sentimental than you let on.
MHE – PAGE 356
Eisse:
No one fixates quite like you do, a girl could get jealous. . .
It’s nice to know you still think of me now and then~
Ulrich:
Of course, darling.
You took a piece of me with you when you left.
Eisse:
God, I forgot how corny you are.
(Sigh)
. . . I did, didn’t I?
You’ve gone through a hell of a lot of trouble for a piece of cheap glass.
If nothing else, you are a man dedicated to his aesthetic.
It’s a shame, the commander was right, you know.
This wouldn’t be a fair fight.
I own every inch of this room.
Your tricks and your toys just can’t stand up to the real thing.
But fortune has again put you right where you belong, at just the right time.
So why don’t you put that gun away.
MHE – PAGE 357
Eisse:
And we can discuss things civilly.
Artemis:
(FINALLY!!)
Phineas:
Wh-?!
Artemis:
(OH-!)
-Oh, sorry kid. I didn’t realize you were. . .
So small.
You look bigger from here.
Phineas:
From where?
Artemis:
Does it matter? You’ve been makin a racket since you showed up.
Not even considerin’ that business with the big guys under the tower earlier. . .
MHE – PAGE 358
Artemis:
Bot THAT was stupid. Making enemies right out of the gate isn’t gonna make things easier.
Phineas:
Wait, you’re the starstone heart!
You’re what I’m here for!
Artemis:
You came here just for me? Why?
Phineas:
I need a ship.
Artemis:
You want ME to go with you to catch the sun? ME?
Phineas:
Yep
Artemis:
(HAHA! HAHAHA!)
Phineas:
What’s funny?!
Artemis:
Not a thing!
Hee hee!
Well we’ll have to negotiate on the ship thing.
But you’re more than welcome to help get me out from under Raven’s thumb, if you’re inclined.
Phineas:
Raven who?
Artemis:
Oh he’s calling himself Hazard now isn’t he? Sorry, old habits.
Phineas:
Are you. . . is he holding you hostage?
Artemis:
Ehh not really? But I’d definitely rather not be here.
He snatched me up right away after everything with Crow went to hell and bound himself to the ship. Or, uh, me. My body.
It’s more of a bad roommate situation.
Phineas:
Oh yeah, I guess all you stone guys know Gideon huh?
Artemis:
Pfft. They’ve heard of him, maybe.
I carrie dhis dumb ass all the way through an apocalypse AND like, seven break-ups.
MHE – PAGE 359
Artemis:
You NEVER seen a guy carry on till you seen Crow Gideon get dumped.
Phineas:
You were Gideon’s ship.
But if Hazard has you now, that must mean he
(NO)
You wanna do something about this?
Artemis:
Oh, sure.
SIGN:
Watch your step
Phineas:
Don’t you even care this place is coming apart??
Artemis:
No??
It’s not my fault Raven brought a bunch of fucked up shit on board.
It’s not worth getting worked up over.
Phineas:
I AM NOT WORKED UP!!
Artemis:
Now I KNOW you ain’t runnin’ around with Jo’s coat and Crow’s commanding and they turned you loose without telling you anythings about starships.
You haven’t even TRIED to adjust yet.
Phineas:
. . . I forgot. About it.
Artemis:
Well un-forget.
You ever had to do it before? Do you know how?
Phineas:
Uh
MHE – PAGE 360
Gideon:
You’re too stiff.
. . . Got it yet?
Phineas:
Um I think
Um, it feels like um
Gideon:
Don’t tense up.
Phineas:
Warm
My teeth are itchy.
Gideon:
Sounds right. Hold it for a sec?
. . . Relax I said, get your shoulders down off your ears.
Phineas:
. . .
(!!!)
(Hee! Hee! Hee! Hee! Hee!)
It’s a heartbeat!!
Gideon:
Yep, that’s the biggest one you’ll find.
Anywhere you go, it’s the same one under your feet. Neat huh?
Phineas:
Yeah!!
OH!
Look, the flowers changed again!
Gideon:
So
You know those floaty feelings you get sometimes?
Phineas:
Jo said it was called dissociation, Gideon.
Gideon:
Ah yes, she’s right, sorry.
You know those dissociative feelings you get sometimes?
Phineas:
Uh-huh.
MHE – PAGE 361
Gideon:
Any time you start feeling like that, like you’re floating away, you do what you just did.
No more biting.
Phineas:
I haven’t been!!
Gideon:
I know! You’re doin’ a real good job kiddo.
Just humor me, would ya?
This is a grounding exercise, just like when we count, but you can do this by yourself.
It’s better if you start figuring out how to deal with this stuff without anyone’s help.
Phineas:
How come?
Gideon:
Lots of reasons. Isn’t that why we’re doing this?
Phineas:
Yeah, but
. . . You’ll still be here, right?
I know I’m on a starship, but only in mind.
I need to orient my body with your energy instead of the planet’s, or it will feel like it’s falling out of the sky.
And I’ll get. . . worked up. A little.
Artemis:
So get to it.
Phineas:
I’m trying.
Artemis:
No you’re not you’re running. What are you running for?
Phineas:
I do this while I’m running all the time!
Artemis:
Yeah, your methods clearly leave nothing to be desired.
That’s why you’re all cranky, when’s the last time you meditated? Like, for real, not this slapdash bullshit you’re showing me?
Phineas:
I don’t need to EVERY TIME, that would take forever!
Artemis:
See this kinda thing is what got your ass possessed earlier.
MHE – PAGE 362
Phineas:
Don’t tell me how to
Artemis:
(NO!)
I have been putting up with cocky brats like you longer than you been alive!!
God! You skate by on just a little predisposition and suddenly the rules don’t apply to you? You get to take shortcuts??
Whatever ‘natural talent’ you think you got ain’t gonna do a damn bit of good next to someone who put in the hours,
And Raven’s done nothing BUT put in hours trying to figure out how to kill a commander whose boots you ain’t fit to spit shine.
I can FEEL you, you’re wound up like a watchspring and if you don’t get your head and ass wired together right now then YOU’RE gonna die
And I’M gonna spend another century listening to this guy cry into his fucking scrapbook.
Phineas:
If I’m so useless then why even waste time talking to me?! Get out of my way!
Artemis:
I didn’t say useless, I said you’re not as good as someone who has a few decades more practice.
Look, ego’s good on a commander but there’s a time and a place and this is not it. There’s no reason to think you’re coming out of this alive.
Now it’s too late to turn around, and if you’re gonna have any chance you need to approach this with the right attitude.
Are you really gonna put yourself at a disadvantage –
That could LITERALLY be the difference between life and death –
Because you’re too stubborn to take advice from me?
Phineas:
(Sigh)
Artemis:
You got people following you now what about
Phineas:
Alright!
Alright, Jeez.
MHE – PAGE 363
Phineas:
. . . I won’t be able to fight.
Artemis:
What are you fighting?
The Tain can play their games with the scenery, but I still have the authority here. You’ll be safe.
. . . What, don’t trust me? That’s probably smart.
But if I wanted you dead I could have killed you a thousand different ways by now already.
A corpse can’t help me. Come on.
Yeah, see,
Everyone else is bent out of shape about Crow’s emblems all over you.
But I knew who you learned from as soon as you stepped foot on the deck.
Your balance is always up in your middle, like you’re about to take off running. Crow liked to throw his weight around too.
But your stance looks like it started out as Jo’s, you’re on your toes too often for just Crow teaching you. You think like a commander but you move like a walker.
You’re gonna be a holy terror once you get the hand of this.
Phineas:
You think?
Artemis:
Assumin’ you live long enough.
MHE – PAGE 364
Artemis:
Ooh you are bigger on the inside.
That explains. . . a lot, actually.
MHE – PAGE 365
Phineas:
Oh, there you are. Hi.
Artemis:
Hi! Whenever you’re ready. I won’t bite.
. . . What’s wrong?
Phineas:
Oh uh, nothing. I was just expecting. . .
You’re not cut?
Artemis:
I ain’t letting some human saw off MY edges.
I’m just the same shape I was when I was dug up.
Phineas:
I didn’t know you could make a ship with uncut stone.
Artemis:
You can’t.
MHE – PAGE 366
Artemis:
None of you humans could make conscious starstone do anything we don’t want to, we get too smart and you gotta file us down until there’s not enough left to think right.
But our strength comes from our connection. You guys use us for power but the first thing you do is weaken us. It’s awfully inefficient.
Phineas:
I don’t think I like that much at all.
Artemis:
Neither did Gideon. That’s why we had an agreement.
I can do a lot more than one of your laser-perfect hearts can.
Phineas:
Like totally betray your captain as soon as some commander you don’t even know asks you to?
Artemis:
Yes! Exactly like that!
I’m not interested in wastin’ loyalty on someone who keeps his comrades in chains.
Phineas:
You are comrades then? Or you were?
(. . ?)
You’re sad.
MHE – PAGE 367
Phineas:
I didn’t realize you could get
Artemis:
I can.
Yes, we were friends. But my friend has been gone for a long time.
That husk sitting in Raven’s chair is not the person I was friends with.
Phineas:
I’m sorry.
Artemis:
Yeah me too.
How we feelin’?
Phineas:
Uh, good!
Better. You kinda taste like sawdust.
Artemis:
Sawdust? That’s new.
Phineas:
. . . You decided to clean up?
Artemis:
Things might still get weird once you get closer to our boy, but I don’t mind holding it together if you’re gonna be serious.
Phineas:
(HEE!)
I’m sorry I got mad at you before.
Artemis:
Pfft
You think you’re the first commander to throw a tantrum on this ship?
I would have been real unimpressed if you hadn’t stuck up for yourself.
Phineas:
So I am impressive?
Artemis:
Hahaha. It’s early yet.
Phineas:
. . .
This is a lot easier than I thought it would be.
MHE – PAGE 368
Artemis:
For sure. Commanders always feel good on starships, once they’re settled.
There’s tons less interference between you and me and you and the plant.
Phineas:
No – well, yeah, but –
After dealing with the other stone I didn’t really think you’d be so. . . reasonable.
They don’t think much of you.
Artemis:
God-UH that stuffy old thing’s been bugging me since I got here. What did they tell you?
Phineas:
That you lost your mind, something about being a satellite too long. I guess they meant you’ve worked with humans too long?
Artemis:
HAH! You know why they think that?
We ain’t supposed to be in the ground to begin with. They can gossip about me consorting with savages, or dabbling in weaker faculties like emotions, or whatever shit they’re on about.
But I’ve been out in the sunshine. I’ve been moving, taking in new things. They’re the ones been goin’ nuts sitting in the dark, isolating themselves.
You live like that long enough of course anything else is gonna look crazy.
You listen to me kiddo. Stagnation kills. Entropy is coming after all of us, always. Stars included, even though they won’t admit it.
Alone and in the dark isn’t healthy for anybody.
You gotta keep fighting it, all the time you have to keep moving forward.
Whatever it takes.
A Traveler’s Journal: Starships
A Traveler’s Journal: Starships
A starship is a common but somewhat difficult to acquire classification of air vehicle. They are evidently constant and inexhaustible power sources, able to manifest and support impossibly complex structures at a whim. Thus they are normally used for more stationary aircrafts like buildings, heliocity foundations, and the occasional drift field. They are also very popular with those who conduct lengthy business in neutral airspace, as this method of travel minimizes the dangers of moving through lawless territories.
A quantity of starstone with the proper qualities for powering a ship is referred to as a heart. Technically a lifeform in the way that kudzu is a lifeform, a heart shows certain biological signs of life but possesses no sentience. Capitalizing on the unique organic energy features of starstone in large masses, starships are “grown” rather than constructed, making each ship perfectly suited to its individual purpose. The heart’s owner binds the ship to themself, impressing that individual purpose upon the energy manifest, and the lifeform reacts reflexively by creating a structure reflective of the owner’s intention. The process is fast and cheap (beyond the heart’s cost), but oddly temperamental. A heart takes the form the owner WANTS, not necessarily the form they ASK for. It’s not unheard of for a heart to create a useless structure if the impressed purpose is not focused enough, and once a ship is grown around a heart it must be completely destroyed before another attempt can be made. Depending on the strength of the will that created it, this can be extremely difficult.
This is the first explanation I was given. I know now that a step is omitted,
implied with any commercially marketed starstone, where the stone is “cut” before sale. The procedure, from what I understand, effectively lobotomizes the consciousness that occurs when enough stone is gathered in one place. Seeing as the stone either cannot or refuses to communicate its sentience during processing, it is unclear whether or not the industry is aware this is happening. As far as I am aware, no resistance from the stone has been documented.
T. Day 4. Month 2. Year 1.
MHE – PAGE 369
Eisse:
It doesn’t tell the time, it’s something to do with lunar phases. Isn’t it pretty though?
I thought you might like it, you and your gadgets.
Ulrich:
. . .
Eisse:
Sigh.
You MUST lighten up, Weiss. You should drink your tea before it gets cold.
I know you can’t have had much time to eat in the last day.
You’re not really so paranoid you think I’d poison you with tea sandwiches, are you?
I respect you enough to put a little more effort into my methods of assassination.
. . . Still nothing? I’ve never seen you go so long so quietly.
Where’s that delightfully rhetorical gentleman I met back in Verdantia?
Ulrich:
He sat in a cell for three days and had time to rethink his opinion of you.
MHE – PAGE 370
Eisse:
Don’t be such a baby, it was nothing you couldn’t handle, obviously.
. . .
. . . I really am sorry about that. I just wanted to see what you were made of.
And here you are! On my ship! Do you have any idea how amazing it is that you tracked me down?
My father and I have evaded people and creatures with abilities you couldn’t even fathom for years, and you made it here all on your own!
Well done. I’m thoroughly impressed.
Ulrich:
I couldn’t care less how impressed you are.
If I recall correctly, you were being recruited to come work for me.
Eisse:
Ulrich, sweetheart, you can cling to your affirmations as tightly as you like,
But you and I both know you’re not the type for leadership.
You’re a supporting character. You’ll always be at the beck and call of someone else because that’s all you’ve ever been.
You’re a hound, you’re a dog. You were caught and collared early and you’re going to stay that way for the rest of your life.
The sooner you make peace with it, the better.
You are what you are. Fighting it only makes things difficult.
MHE – PAGE 371
Eisse:
But the people in the back are the foundation of any operation. You worked in the theater. . .
Everyone wants to be center stage, but without someone running the lights none of that charisma gets very far, does it?
You and I are valuable. It’s in our best interest to be picky about who we serve with our talents.
And you do have talents worth bargaining for.
Regardless of what you might think.
Whatever you came from did a good job of crushing your spiritual ability out of you. That blight in your eye isn’t there accidentally, is it?
Someone was very careful to keep you from getting too sure of yourself.
But you got lucky! You still have your voice.
Silverspeak is irreplaceable.
And you can buy your sight back, if you know the right people.
We can help you be so much more than
Ulrich:
Do you think I am unaware of my worth?
Your father has tried this with me already. His offer was dismissive and, frankly, insulting.
If any of you have more attractive incentives than Phineas has I’ve yet to see them.
Eisse:
Mm, sorry. Diplomacy has been in short supply for this family lately.
MHE – PAGE 372
Eisse:
The commander will die here. Dad is far beyond her in ability and experience,
And he has decades of misplaced frustration to keep him going.
Were that not the case already. . .
She is unstable.
The spark of her ambition is already flaring faster than she can feed it, and soon it will devour her.
And everyone around her. Look where you are.
You’ve known her for hardly a day, and she has you charging in and stealing ships from demigods?
Commanders’ manipulative measures are much nastier than anything you could do with that silver tongue.
You’re just something she can put between herself and the death she’s working so hard to keep cheating.
I’ve done it myself, I know what it looks like.
You deserve better. I can’t stand to see you wasted on this careless little upstart.
Ulrich:
Ooh she scares you.
Or she scares whoever you’re borrowing your diatribe from.
That doesn’t lend a lot of credit to your case.
I watched her destroy what I can only describe as divine beings. I felt her. . .
Demand that reality change shape, and reality bent.
I am a skeptic but these are events I witnessed myself.
Everyone who has underestimated her has suffered for it.
MHE – PAGE 373
Ulrich:
I don’t intend to join them.
Eisse:
That’s not such bad logic. She must have seemed like a smart choice, managing to fight off a couple of minor deities.
(By the skin of her teeth. . .)
But what about the side that put those things down there?
I have made some very powerful friends since we last spoke.
I found some people more. . . proactive, than dad is.
Whatever you thought I could help you with would be nothing to them.
They could restore your body, your soul, all the damage you’ve been living with could be gone.
When we met you seemed so tired, you’d been on your own for so long already.
I can’t imagine it’s gotten any easier.
Wouldn’t it be nice to outsource some of that stress?
Let us help you. Just hear me out.
Ulrich:
Um. . .
Rook
Do you think. . . ?
MHE – PAGE 374
Phineas:
Is any of this stuff, like, real?
Artemis:
Real as I am.
Starships are usually sort of reflective of their captain’s psyche.
And Raven’s not doin’ so hot right now.
Like I said, the way he bound us was less symbiotic than Gideon’s method was.
He runs this place pretty manually. Now that he’s losing it so is everything else.
I COULD override it if I really wanted to, but. . . eh. You’re fine.
Phineas:
What. . . happened?
Between him and Jo? Everybody?
Artemis:
If Crow of Jo didn’t tell you then it’s not my place to either.
Phineas:
You’re fine with helping me oust your captain, but the dirty laundry’s asking too much?
Artemis:
Absolutely it is.
I told you, Raven Slight was my friend. And Crow, and Jo, and Maggie too. That story belongs to them.
It’s an awful ship that looses its crew’s secrets.
MHE – PAGE 375
Artemis:
Even if the crew is dead.
Phineas:
That makes sense I guess. . .
Tell me about the Tain, then?
They were so aggressive before, but it’s like they don’t even see me now. I thought they’d still be mad.
Artemis:
Ha! In little groups like this they move instinctively. . .
And you ain’t the baddest thing in the room anymore.
Phineas:
. . . Celestial bodies pull each other in. . .
Artemis:
From here he’s probably going to keep us from talking.
But you should be able to command my energy like normal. Just stay on your feet.
He’s tricky, smoke and mirrors. Like your gunslinger.
(Don’t let him get to you.)
MHE – PAGE 376
CHAPTER 13
UGLY
MHE – PAGE 377
DOOR HANGER:
Again?
MHE – PAGE 378
Hazard:
What are you doing here?
Phineas:
-Huh?
Hazard:
What are you DOING here?
Phineas:
I’m here to take your ship!
I told you I was comin’.
Hazard:
I don’t think that’s it.
You might want me to, but I don’t believe you’re stupid enough to think going through me was the best way to produce a vessel.
That wouldn’t make you HATE me the way you do. I can feel you seething.
You have no stake in the town or its people. You’re nobody’s champion. Why did you stay?
Why go to all this trouble?
MHE – PAGE 379
Phineas:
I’m responsible for you.
Hazard:
What business of yours am I?
Phineas:
Gods, or. . . whatever it is YOU are, going around making things awful for people smaller than you, I. . .
. . .
I can’t take it, It makes me sick. It’s not fair.
So I made it my business.
I made myself strong enough to fight.
Hazard:
A town full of those innocent souls you’re so concerned about is turning to ash beneath us.
You’ve caused far more damage here than I have.
Phineas:
It’s better that it burns than it keeps existing under your thumb.
Or anything else’s. That’s not a life
Hazard:
I would think that’s the citizens’ decision to make, not yours.
Phineas:
How?!
No one with any power ever listens! You don’t even care enough to hate them!
But you’re listening to me. The Tain and the stars are all listening to me so I’ll speak for them that can’t.
This stops.
Hazard:
. . . The sun, to you, then, is power. A status.
A means to get you this attention you think you’re entitled to.
MHE – PAGE 380
Hazard:
Protecting others from gods by becoming a god, that doesn’t sound incongruous to you?
Are you a patron of the people, or are you looking for a sympathetic excuse to sate your own ego?
Phineas:
I can manage both, yeah?
Hazard:
. . .
I had a very similar conversation with Crow, some. . . ah, some unwieldy number of years ago.
He too decided to gather all his righteous fury and set off to right these injustices he perceived.
And I told him I said – He told me, “Don’t worry so much.”
He would be a different kind of god. He would never do what they had done to us.
Could never. Not him. “It’s me,” he said.
We both should have been smarter than that, but I wanted so much to believe in him. . .
If I’d known what my faith in him would cultivate, what it would cost us, I could have prevented this.
I’m not looking for redemption. But I’ve grown since I was last presented with this circumstance.
This time I am wiser.
MHE – PAGE 381
Hazard:
I won’t make the mistake of letting another monster slip by me. This world will not suffer Crow’s influence.
His legacy ends with us.
I’m going to dump your broken body at his feet.
I’m going to carve every trace of stolen light from his bones.
And finally this wretched business will be finished.
Phineas:
Well that ain’t gonna work.
I’m not dyin’ here.
And I can’t let you kill Gideon.
Hazard:
No. . .
You can’t.
MHE – PAGE 382
(No dialogue)
MHE – PAGE 383
(No dialogue)
MHE – PAGE 384
(No dialogue)
MHE – PAGE 385
Phineas:
You ain’t scary old man!!
Hazard:
You should not have shone so proudly, false god.
Phineas:
St-
(Stop!!)
MHE – PAGE 386
Hazard:
Disappointing.
MHE – PAGE 387
Eisse:
His crazy was never as overt as it is now before he started working with the Tain, but my father’s been trying to kill Gideon my whole life.
At least.
He keeps. . . He stops. Any time he starts making progress with a plan he just quits.
MHE – PAGE 388
Eisse:
He always comes up with some excuse, but it’s clear he just loses his nerve.
Ulrich:
Is Gideon really that powerful?
Eisse:
Maybe a little bit.
Dad compares him to a god all the time, but it’s not that he’s afraid of Gideon. . .
Ulrich:
What do you think holds him back?
Eisse:
. . . He loves him, still, is all I can figure.
He’d never admit it. But I don’t know why else he would be so obsessed, if it’s really been as long as he says it has since their schism.
You don’t go to this kind of trouble for something you don’t love. Somehow. Does that make sense?
Ulrich:
I think so.
Eisse:
. . . Well!
I can’t spend my life like this, obviously. I’ve got my own plans.
This whole front with the starstone was my doing, actually.
Those uh, partners, I mentioned.
When I told them Dad was considering experiments with the Tain they suggested I nudge him in this direction.
Dad wasn’t interested in the capital, but I’ve been squirrelling away what I could for myself while he’s been distracted.
That’s not saying a lot, since none of our operations have been organized well enough to make much of a profit, but I’ve done my best.
Dusk- Ah, the boss, my boss, I suppose, said I wouldn’t NEED my own money while we’re working together. He would provide anything I asked for.
I told him I wouldn’t feel right living off of someone else’s allowance.
MHE – PAGE 389
Ulrich:
You were stalling, you wanted to stay here longer.
Hoping things might change?
Eisse:
And all I’ve gotten for it is another breakdown. More mess to clean up.
But you catching up with me here, of all places. It’s almost like a sign, don’t you think?
Now’s the time.
Once Dad’s finished ridding you of your baggage we’ll arrange a meeting with Dusk.
He’ll get a kick out of your little mask shtick.
. . . So you’re all caught up with me! Your turn now.
What is it you’re doing out here? You never said before and I’m DYING to know.
Ulrich:
I’m sorry if the truth is not as romantic as you imagined.
I owe some dangerous people a lot of money.
Eisse:
Finally had an unlucky day, did you?
Ulrich:
I had several unlucky days.
Nothing as dramatic as yours, I’m sure, but unfortunate nonetheless.
Adventuring can be lucrative in ways most occupations are not. But it gets filthy.
In an effort to keep my own hands clean, I’ve been looking for someone strong and simple to pair up with.
Phineas Kidd is both.
Though, if dirt can be avoided altogether, even better.
MHE – PAGE 390
Eisse:
Well that’s no problem.
I didn’t want to owe someone if I didn’t have to,
But if you’re following commanders into the desert I’d say pride isn’t an issue you’re concerned with.
Ulrich:
I am too afraid to be ashamed.
I am too tired. Anything would be better than this.
But I. . .
I’d still rather not go into a negotiation blindly.
What can you tell me about these people you work with? What is Dusk like?
Eisse:
. . . It is sort of odd.
For someone who calls himself Dusk, he seems. . . bright. He shines.
MHE – PAGE 391
Hazard:
May I offer some constructive criticism?
Fighting is often easier if you’re facing your opponent.
Yes! Just like that.
Do keep practicing.
Phineas:
Come on!!
Hazard:
You’ll get it.
MHE – PAGE 392
Hazard:
So you and the star are joined seamlessly.
Phineas:
What did you –
Hazard:
Your bones are radiant with the sun’s fire and you still cannot touch me.
What did the keeper hope to gain from such a weak vessel?
Phineas:
It wasn’t –
It was an ACCIDENT, why do you keep
Hazard:
Crow Gideon,
Seems to be involved in a lot of accidents.
Look at me.
How many of his wounds must you see before you admit what he is?
Phineas:
– He. . .
Hazard:
Oh.
MHE – PAGE 393
Hazard:
YOU THOUGHT YOU WERE SPECIAL.
Mana:
(WAIT WAIT)
Hazard:
You thought he did this to you for your sake.
You didn’t realize this is just Crow’s habit of absolving himself of responsibility.
Mana:
(That HURTS!)
Hazard:
You thought he cared.
MHE – PAGE 394
Hazard:
Why do I know exactly where you hurt?
If Crow is faultless then why are you so angry?
Mana:
What’s wrong with you?!
Hazard:
Who are you angry with?
Mana:
Crow isn’t worth
Phineas:
SHUT UP SHUT UP!
WHY CAN’T I –
Mana:
STUPID GIRL!
STUPID
STUPID!
Hazard:
Even bodies like ours have their raw nerves.
Mana:
Can’t you see what he’s doing?!
Hazard:
Though, when Crow is involved they do become easier to find.
MHE – PAGE 395
Hazard:
He didn’t even say goodbye, did he?
He never does.
MHE – PAGE 396
Ulrich:
. . . Thank you, Rook.
You really –
You really don’t understand what this means to me.
Eisse:
Enough that you’re through being upset with me for leaving you out to dry?
Are we square, at least?
Ulrich:
More than square.
If this works out I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to make it up to you.
Eisse:
You don’t need to worry about that. . .
It’s been nice to have someone I can talk to again. I’ve missed your good company.
Ulrich:
It is difficult to find good company with lifestyles like ours.
It gets lonely.
MHE – PAGE 397
Ulrich:
I – seeing as I’ve already admitted so much today. . .
You were right. . . . This – was a lot of trouble to go to for a piece of jewelry.
Even if I had been angry with you for Verdantia, that would not have been worth the ordeal of finding you.
I just. . . I couldn’t bear the thought of never seeing you again.
Eisse:
(Sigh)
Ulrich,
You know there are better ways to express your feelings for someone than shooting at them.
Ulrich:
I am new at this.
I wanted to tell you before, but I –
Things happened so fast the right time never came and then it was too late.
And today has been one long reminder of how quickly things can change. So I’m – I know, it’s –
It is probably strange, on the heels of everything else we’ve discussed, but I didn’t want –
I had to –
T-tell you. . .
MHE – PAGE 398
Eisse:
There was something I wanted to do before, too.
Wha. . ?
MHE – PAGE 399
Eisse:
(AAIIIIIIIIAGGHHH)
MHE – PAGE 400
Ulrich:
. . .
It occurs to me that you have likely never been injured like this.
You’re handling it fairly well, though now is usually when the nausea hits.
It is a good thing we were finished eating.
Eisse:
Ooh I’m gonna – a kill you
I’m gonna KILL YOU!!
What sort of person does these things?
Ulrich:
Steals something she knows damn well is not just a piece of costume jewelry.
Or gains a lady’s trust before causing irreparable harm to her manicure.
You and I, Rook and Ulrich, we are the worst kinds of people.
Why would I turn myself into this for money?
I’ve done awful things, I am going to continue doing awful things because they are necessary.
But I’m not going to absolve myself of their weight by blaming somebody else for my actions.
My decisions are my own.
I am nobody’s dog.
Bel:
(No?)
Ulrich:
And I have no respect for someone who sees fit to work with a spoiled child like you.
MHE – PAGE 401
Eisse:
You RAT!!
My father is going to
Ulrich:
Your father won’t be going much of anything for a while.
Assuming the good Commander Kidd lets him live. Frankly I am not sure what she will do.
Either way, I will be long gone by the time he cares enough to bother with me.
That said.
I know how I prefer to do things.
Thank you for the sandwiches.
Eisse:
OH JUST FUCKING TRY –
For real?!
You carry that antique and can’t even keep track of your shots?!
Ulrich:
I have never miscounted.
MHE – PAGE 402
Ulrich:
What in the hell was THAT?!
Eisse:
O – oh
Oh no
OH NO
Ulrich:
Wh – !
What’s –
Bel:
. . .
Hmm. I guess that’s that.
Ulrich:
(HUFFF)
Bel:
Good boy.
Ulrich:
(-Ach)
(Come on)
Bel:
I told you it’s easier if you (be still)
Ulrich:
(Sigh)
Na gut, dann.
Bel:
You listening? I said it’s easier if you make it into a performance, didn’t I?
It’s just another show.
CARD:
BEL FORTUNA
A memory distorted
Small, vicious
Bel:
Now suck it up and get back out there.
And would it kill you to smile?
MHE – PAGE 403
Phineas:
IT’S YOUR FAULT! IT’S YOUR FAULT!!
Jocasta:
Phineas come on now –
Phineas:
YOU’RE STUPID AND UGLY AND MEAN!!
WHY WOULD ANYBODY WANNA STAY HERE WITH A ROTTEN HAG LIKE YOU?!
Jocasta:
That’s enough.
You can’t be hittin’ people ‘cause you’re mad.
Phineas:
WHY?! YOU HIT GIDEON ALL THE TIME.
LET GO!!
Jocasta:
Get back here!
Where are you going?!
NOTE:
Phin
MHE – PAGE 404
Jocasta:
Go get in the tub.
And don’t leave those wet clothes on the rug.
MHE – PAGE 405
Jocasta:
That temper’s gonna get your ass in trouble real fast.
Where’d you run off to?
Phineas:
I –
I went to Gideon’s house.
Jocasta:
Yeah I figured
Phineas:
Jo, I’m
I’m sorry I called you stupid. And a hag, And uh
Um
MHE – PAGE 406
Phineas:
Please don’t get rid of me
I wonder
If they can feel how slow my heart is beating
I can’t remember the last time I felt cold like this.
Mana:
I cannot remember when we last disagreed like this.
Phineas:
I thought, by now I thought I would. . .
I’m still not enough.
Mana:
It is nothing to do with substance
MHE – PAGE 407
Mana:
If you will listen to me now.
You can’t beat him because he’s fought this battle before, from your side.
He knows where you are weak because he knows where he himself is weak.
We must persevere beyond him.
Don’t pretend you do not know how. I’ve renounced my god and you’ve held on to yours far longer than you should have.
Or have you decided that we will die here?
Phineas:
Not yet.
MHE – PAGE 408
Phineas:
That’s Hazard, and. . .
The compass? And me? But we’re all. . .
Then this
Then this isn’t
MHE – PAGE 409
Hazard:
H-how?!
-Wait!
MHE – PAGE 410
Hazard:
Please let’s-
Phineas:
Look at me, derelict.
“Gideon”:
S-stop!
Phineas what are you doing?!
Phineas:
On no
Hazard:
Uncanny, isn’t it?
My brother and I mastered this trick long before we learned magic.
MHE – PAGE 411
Hazard:
I’ve been wearing his face all this time and you never saw it, you never even considered it.
You commanders only see ideals, never things as they actually ARE.
How could your Crow Gideon possibly share blood with someone like me?
Surely I’m just some bitter enemy from the past.
It COULDN’T be that he would abandon his own twin in such a sorry state. Not our golden boy.
Though, now that we are here, I realize this may be less complex.
I assumed you a disciple, drawn in by his gravity like the others.
. . . But you were so small.
And you told me yourself.
You just thought you had found a family.
If he could do this to me, real family, how much do you think it bothered him to do it to you?
You spoke so boldly of killing gods yet you are here regardless, dying on an unwatched altar.
Your ambition, your own BODY was handed to you by a con artist. What could you accomplish with that?
What reason do you have to continue?
Phineas:
I – I’m
MHE – PAGE 412
Phineas:
I’m not. . . doing any of this. For Gideon
I’m doing it for me.
I knew. A long time ago what –
What he is.
That’s why I’m here.
You let yourself turn into this.
And I – I won’t break for someone like you. Or Gideon.
You’ll have to fight me forever.
Hazard:
. . . Stubborn.
Phineas:
GET FUCKED
Hazard:
I want to speak with the other one. Your star.
Mana:
THIEF!
MHE – PAGE 413
Mana:
MINE THAT’S MINE GIVE IT BACK
Hazard:
Gladly.
Assistant:
Sir?
MHE – PAGE 414
The Second:
Oh, my, I’m still here.
Is there a problem?
CARD:
(The Derelict Eye)
The Second
Regret Iridescent
Mana:
PHINEAS
Phineas why did you stop me??
CARD:
Mana
The Fifth
Furious Avarice
Mana:
You don’t understand what you’re taking from me. I remember being – I was so much more –
Do you realize how strong we could be if you just let me. It would only take a second
Phineas:
No one’s eating anybody today.
I’m sorry, I know you miss the way you were but there’s barely room for you and me in this body.
That’s not what we’re here for.
The Second:
This is disgraceful.
Where are your wings? Your eyes, your TEETH? And you are obedient to . . .this?
It is lucky no one came back for you.
Neither of you are quite one thing or the other.
A human who insists on meddling with godhood
And a god child who gave up their status to wrap themself in vestigial humanity.
MHE – PAGE 415
The Second:
You are ugly.
I am repulsed to think we were ever of a single being.
Star Astray, indeed. No place will keep you.
Mana:
. . . I am trying very hard. Phineas.
If I cannot eat it may I kill it. At least?
Phineas:
Normally yeah, but we need this one.
I came when you called. You owe me now, isn’t that how this works?
The Second:
It is! You have done me a great service separating me from the wizard.
He has been plagued with the desire to end his life since I have known him. The darkness that infects his body now that he has succeeded would have taken me too.
Yes! Your effort is appreciated. What would you have in return?
Phineas:
My. . . when Spectre took over, my body uh
Broke. Didn’t it?
The Second:
In every conceivable way.
Phineas:
Fix it. Put me back how I was before this fight started.
The Second:
. . .That is all? You want your mortal body repaired?
Phineas:
Can you see Ulrich? Is he okay?
The Second:
Who?
Oh, yes, there. He is well
Phineas:
How about the town?
The Second:
I can’t undo what Hastur has done, and the Tain still own the underground.
But I can restore what the fires took.
Phineas:
. . . Hazard. I feel like I should. . .
The Second:
He would begin to age, and without starlight the Tain will consume him.
And he. . .
MHE – PAGE 416
The Second:
He has gone to a great deal of trouble to die, in just this way.
If mercy concerns you, he would suffer even more if you forced him to carry on.
Phineas:
Yeah then. Patch me up.
Fix Ellie’s town.
The Second:
It is done!
You ask for such simple things. You don’t want
Phineas:
Just get out of here.
Mana:
(-Feh)
Phineas:
I really am sorry.
Mana:
I KNOW.
MHE – PAGE 417
Hazard:
Y-you. . . you let it go.
Why didn’t you take it?
Phineas:
. . .
Hazard:
What are you doing?
Phineas:
I don’t wanna stand here and watch you die on the floor.
Hazard:
Then you shouldn’t have
Phineas:
Give it a rest, man.
I’m not stupid. You could have killed me as soon as I walked in.
This is what you wanted.
You couldn’t let Gideon live, but you couldn’t stand to kill him either.
One of you had to go.
Then I showed up and I’m. . . I was close enough to Gideon it felt good to kick me around, huh?
And you thought I’d go out by trying to keep your star, that’s what Gideon would have done.
Self-destructing and taking me with you was some kind of closure you could get without-
Having to deal with him.
Dragging someone into a suicide pact is pretty uncool.
Hazard:
What did you think would happen when you came here?
Phineas:
I don’t know!! Not-
Not all this baggage. I thought you were just a despot with a nice ship.
The stuff you did isn’t excused, but. . .
I think I get it.
MHE – PAGE 418
Phineas:
And if I’m close enough to Gideon that hurting me feels good, maybe my apology would feel good too.
I know I’m missing pieces, but I’m sorry he broke your heart, Raven.
He broke mine too. You’re right, commanders are reckless.
I think everybody who gets too close eventually gets burned.
See, look at us, look at this mess.
Gods shouldn’t be able to do this so easily, you know? E-even if we love them.
Especially if we love them
We can do better.
I don’t think the universe needs to be so cruel.
If that’s the law I don’t accept it. I will rewrite it.
I can fix everything.
Hazard:
(HA Ha ha ha)
There must be
One of you in every world.
Maybe every Raven is meant to spend their days chasing after you.
H. . .
Hubris. . .
MHE – PAGE 419
Ulrich:
WE NEED TO GO
Phineas:
U-Ulrich! Are you
Ulrich:
The ship is coming apart! It’s broken loose from the tower and we’re drifting into the desert!
Phineas:
What do you mean it’s
Ulrich:
DO SOMETHING
MHE – PAGE 420
Phineas:
O-oh, uh
Hey?
Hey!
Hey we’re still here!
Knock it off!
Ulrich:
THE YELLING IS ACCOMPLISHING NOTHING
Phineas:
Why aren’t they listening?
Ulrich:
Wait, it looks like-
We’re heading for that big turtle and the rabbits from the shack? They’re just sitting there watching us-
It’s as good an idea as anything at this point.
Phineas:
It’s a whistle, you said?
Ulrich:
That’s what I was told.
Phineas:
Here, just in case.
I don’t know what it’ll do.
Ulrich:
. . . Nothing?
Any other ideas?
Phineas:
Nope.
I think it’ll be fine though.
MHE – PAGE 421
Phineas:
I think we’ll have to get used to this.
Jocasta:
Have a good nap?
Phineas:
It’s still raining. . .
Jocasta:
Mm, I been sitting here thinkin’.
You know what I like to do when shit sucks?
Cut out some dead weight.
Oh jeez
Oh man we fucked up kid
Quit that laughin’! This is a goddamn disaster.
I should be arrested.
Phineas:
It looks awful!!
MHE – PAGE 422
CHAPTER 14
RUMOURS
MHE – PAGE 423
Ellie:
You’re sure this is-
Half-Ear Bunny:
Yes. Just be patient.
MHE – PAGE 424
Ellie:
uuUUH?!
It’s coming towards us!
Is this supposed to be happening?!
Half-Ear Bunny:
Eh.
Hat Bunny:
Could’ve gone either way.
Still could.
Ellie:
It’s – ! Is it dissolving?
Half-Ear Bunny:
Sure looks that way.
Ellie:
Phineas is still up there!
Half-Ear Bunny:
There we go.
Hat Bunny:
Good.
Ellie:
Why are you so calm?! Tell me what’s going on!!
MHE – PAGE 425
(No dialogue)
MHE – PAGE 426
Happiness:
Hmph.
Phineas:
(Hey!! HEY!!!)
That’s MINE give it BACK!
Happiness:
I just saved your life you little heathen. Show some respect.
How did you get that whistle? Where are my boys?
Half-Ear Bunny:
Present
Happiness:
Well now YOU’RE a cozy sight, ain’t you Pete?
Why’d you give it to her?
Half-Ear Bunny:
Look.
Happiness:
Oh.
Phineas:
Fleabag I will climb you like a drape.
Ellie:
It is hers, Dash.
Happiness:
YOU’RE okay with this?
Ellie:
I think so.
Happiness:
No little miss, you don’t think. You either are or you ain’t.
Ellie:
I am sure. I trust her.
Ulrich:
Excuse me.
Not that I’m not relieved everyone else seems to know what is happening,
But could I at least get some names, please?
MHE – PAGE 427
Happiness:
I didn’t even see you there, boy.
Ulrich:
This is a tough lineup to stand out against.
Happiness:
I’m Dashing Happiness. Patron Saint of the Crushing Mesa.
Or, used to be, ‘fore a bunch of it was stolen and put here.
Now Careful Pete watches over my desert, and I watch his forest.
Phineas:
(Happiness!)
Ulrich:
I uh. Didn’t know Patrons could be. . . it’s different where I’m from.
Happiness:
I’d imagine so, city slicker.
These are my sons. Two of them, at least.
Makin’ any headway on that?
Hat Bunny:
. . . No, he’s still missing.
Happiness:
Mm. If he’s runnin’ something’s chasing him.
Phineas:
What chases Patron Saints?
Happiness:
‘Sides uppity folks like you?
Phineas:
Yeah.
Happiness:
Nothin’ good.
But that really don’t concern you.
You’re SURE you wanna give her this? You know you could get in a lotta trouble.
Ellie:
I’d already be in trouble for helping her this far!
May as well finish what we started.
Happiness:
Damn kids.
Well I think this is a mistake.
But Guardians got more jurisdiction over stone, so I suppose this is yours.
MHE – PAGE 428
Happiness:
You be good now. Maybe we’ll see each other again.
Come on, boys
Phineas:
(SHIP GET!)
Ulrich:
It’s not a ship though!! It fell apart!
Phineas:
I didn’t want that musty old thing anyway! We make our own!
Ulrich:
How long will that take?
Ellie:
Hmm
The binding process for a cut stone depends on the strength and clarity of the builder’s will.
Could take hours, months, it’s up to them.
But in this case I think Phineas and the stone will have to reach an agreement together.
Ulrich:
THEN how long after that?
Ellie:
As, um, determined as Phineas is? Probably not too long. Maybe by this evening.
Wann give this a try?
Phineas:
YES
Ellie:
Okay.
So, focus on your exact intentions for this ship. Not the structure, think of what you want to accomplish with it.
How you want it to feel.
Then when you’re ready, just give it a kiss!
Ulrich:
A kiss?
Ellie:
Please keep your horrible attitude out of our circle you awful boy!
MHE – PAGE 429
Phineas:
Man not this again.
Noon:
Heyyy kiddo
Come sit with me a sec.
Phineas:
I didn’t just pass out did I?
Noon:
Nah nah! I’ve been traveling with commanders a long time, I’m good at this. The others won’t even notice.
So this is the part where you convince big and powerful me to listen to a tiny human like you.
We could have a battle of wits or like, a real battle, and it could go on for days and you’d lose and it would all be real miserable.
But you fought plenty today, and I think I like you fine already.
Phineas:
Cool
Noon:
Here’s my offer.
MHE – PAGE 430
Noon:
I’m real excited to travel with motivated company again.
You keep up that ambition? I’ll carry you wherever you wanna go.
But I’m done with contracts, humans are too flaky.
Soon as I feel like you’re slackin’ off I’m gone. No questions asked.
Phineas:
That ain’t so bad.
Noon:
Alright, I’m in.
Phineas:
Hey wait, what was the deal with you bustin’ up and leaving me and Ulrich out to dry?
We could’ve died!
Noon:
Aw I wouldn’a let you DIE, I was just. . . housekeeping.
It had to go so I could build your ship anyway.
Phineas:
While we were in the AIR STILL??
Noon:
I’d been waiting a long time, Kidd.
And it was cooler that way.
Phineas:
. . . Yeah it was super cool.
Noon:
‘Sides, I always think it’s good to send the ship out with its captain.
Lotta secrets in the walls, you know.
Phineas:
Dirty laundry.
Noon:
Yep! And now it’s aaall gone!
And you should know, little sunchaser
Captain or not. . .
I ain’t tellin’ you shit.
MHE – PAGE 431
Phineas:
I wasn’t gonna ask. If I can’t cross Kairos myself the sun won’t do me any good.
Noon:
Right answer.
Well that’s everything. Ship’s ready.
Phineas:
What?
Like right now??
Noon:
I’ve known what your ship would be since we talked in the hallway.
Name and everything.
I’m glad you made it. I never did care for Artemis.
Ellie:
(oh my)
CARD:
LUCKY NOON
Cheerful defiance and warm sunshine,
A ship carried into the future by bright ambitions
Ellie:
I-I’ve never seen one go up so fast. . .
Ulrich:
You know, I always suspected I’d be killed by a grade school art project.
MHE – PAGE 432
Ellie:
Um! I didn’t have a lot of time, but
I wasn’t sure if you had any supplies so I put together a little, um, care package.
Just to get you started.
There’s some food, clean clothes since you-
O-oh!
Haha go on-
Phineas:
(YEEEEEE)
Ellie & Ulrich:
. . .
Ulrich:
Phew. . .
Ellie:
(Hm!)
MHE – PAGE 433
Ulrich:
Good heavens Ellie, try to control yourself.
Ellie:
I don’t like you.
I don’t know what Phineas sees in you but I’m not buying your act.
Something about you is rotten.
People like you don’t hang around people like her for any good reason,
If you try ANYTHING I’m gonna
Ulrich:
You’ll what?
Ellie:
Do you think I couldn’t take you in a fight?
Ulrich:
Of course not!
But I think Phineas could. Easily.
How do you think she would react to you threatening me?
Ellie:
What
Ulrich:
She’s SO possessive.
Who do you think she would side with, between you and I?
Someone who brushed off an invitation to join her?
Or someone who stayed by her side even in the face of almost certain death?
Ellie:
You’re willing to risk dying to keep up your hoax?
What kind of scam is worth your life?
Ulrich:
What you SHOULD be worried about is going to come bounding out here to collect me any second
So I strongly suggest you put me down, now.
MHE – PAGE 434
Ulrich:
Do I need to ask again –
Ellie:
You can’t keep this up forever.
Sooner or later she’s going to figure out you’re a fraud.
And when she does what do you think she’ll do to you?
Ulrich:
By then I am sure it won’t matter.
Phineas:
ULRICH THERE’S A TRAIN WHISTLE!
GET UP HERE!!
Oh uh, unless –
Is there anything we could do to help sort out things in town?
Ellie:
Umm that’s okay.
After Last Chance uh. . . regrew, everyone I evacuated headed back in.
I haven’t heard anything, I think things are back to normal!
But all this started as soon as Phineas got here, I think lots of folks sorta blame you for the chaos.
MHE – PAGE 435
Ellie:
Commanders tend to make people uneasy already. . .
Phineas:
Aw but we –
. . . Hee hee, we do look like troublemakers don’t we.
Ellie:
It might be best if you just leave! Sorry. ..
But I appreciate what you did! Thank you, sincerely.
Phineas:
And you don’t wanna come with us, huh?
Ellie:
No thank you, I have a job to do here.
Phineas:
Ok, if that’s what you want.
Ulrich:
EXCUSE ME?!
She’s off the hook just like that?? After you’ve spent all the time twisting my arm?
Phineas:
Yeah.
Let’s go.
Ulrich:
. . . Ach, my commander calls it seems. See you around, Elle?
Ellie:
Without a doubt.
Phineas:
Byeee!
We should do this again sometime! Hang out, I mean.
Maybe not the other stuff.
MHE – PAGE 436
Ellie:
. . . It’s kind of like watching a storm roll out, huh. . ?
Um?
Ulrich:
What is the problem, captain?
Phineas:
I do not know how to drive this
MHE – PAGE 437
Dusk:
(HA!)
Hello!
Eisse:
D. . . Dusk?
Dusk:
Rook! How are ya?
Eisse:
S – something’s happened. . .
I need to –
Dusk:
Deep breaths honey.
Eisse:
Dad’s. Dad’s dead –
They took the ship, I tried walking but I couldn’t –
The angel caught me.
SIGN:
From the Stars
Kairos
Eisse:
What do I do now?
I’m hurt. I don’t
Dusk:
Oh I know, I know.
Listen, mkay? Listening?
MHE – PAGE 438
Dusk:
You’re hurt? Can you manage long enough for me to send a car to pick you up?
Eisse:
I f. . . froze, I stopped the bleeding where I can it just –
Dusk:
Yes or no, we need to get you in out of the rain.
Eisse:
Please send somebody. . .
Dusk:
On the way! Sit tight, I’ll have them bring you straight to me.
Op-! My lunch is here!
See you soon dear.
Thanks bud!
Lunch Bunny:
I won’t talk.
Dusk:
You don’t need to
MHE – PAGE 439
Assistant:
Sir I
Dusk:
I AM EATING
Assistant:
I’m sorry, but you said you wanted information as soon as it was available.
Ah, do you –
Do you want another bowl for those?
Dusk:
Nah I’m good
What do you have for me?
. . . She took the boy?
Really?
He wasn’t even supposed to be there!
What about the Guardian?
POSTER:
Cheshire the Ringer
Assistant:
Still in town as far as we’re aware, sir.
Dusk:
Man!
What are the odds. . ?
Thanks!
I’m sorry I snapped at you!
MHE – PAGE 440
Dusk:
I’ll be down soon.
CARD:
DUSK